Until Now
by essarrkay
Summary: Faberry fic 2 years in the future. After Puck proposes to Quinn, she feels she cant give him an answer until she has confessed her true feelings to Rachel. So she writes a letter and sends it to NYC. Three days later Rachel surprises Quinn at her front door. Did Rachel get the letter, or does she have a secret of her own? And will faberry finally happen?
1. Chapter 1

Note: This is my first fanfic ever, so reviews and all that is greatly appreciated. I have several chapters already written, and I have several more lined out. I just love faberry. :)

Quinn slipped the final, of about a hundred drafts, of her letter into the envelope she held tightly in her hands. She knew the envelope would be crinkled from her overly firm hold, but she couldn't help it. She knew she had to send it, both in her heart and in her head, for once. It seemed, however, that her body hadn't quite caught up yet. The last bit of herself still clutching desperately to the remainder of her crumbling, protective walls.

Quinn brought the now filled envelope to her lips to lick the seal, but stopped short. Should she read it again? One last time, just to be absolutely sure she hadn't missed any incorrect gramar or misspelling, and to double check she had said everything she needed to say. She only really had one shot at this. She began to lower her hands, but stopped again. No, she scolded herself. It had taken her too long just to get this far. She needed to do this now. Right now.

Quinn had written dozens of versions of the letter over the years. Never sending any of them, of course. She was always too afraid, of what she might lose, how it would look, of being vulnerable. She was afraid of a lot of things, truthfully. She put up this almost fearless front. She was an ice queen, always had been. On the outside she shifted and molded, changed as she needed to depending on what was necessary to stay on top. But in the the letters she wrote, she remained the same, her true self. With each version she argued with herself constantly over finally sending one out, she would bare a little bit more of herself.

In the beginning, she would write of the unusual attraction she felt, beyond the physical one. Though, that was undoubtedly there too, as much as it shamed and petrified her to admit, even to herself. It was like a pull, almost like gravity, pulling her in. As time went on, she wrote about intensified feelings, jealousy, and, when she was feeling particulary brave, the possibility of a life outside of Lima. For a short time before and during senior year, she wouldn't let herself write at all, and it nearly drove her crazy. In the end, it was exactly the person she was trying to forget to wake her from her stupor. So she bleached her hair back blonde, rejoined the glee club, and started writing her letters again. But she still couldn't send any of them.

Quinn placed a light kiss to the now sealed and stamped envelope. As she dropped it into the blue US Postal Service public mailbox two blocks from her LA loft, she said out loud to herself, "Until now". The fate of the rest of her life lay inside a small envelope on its way to New York City.

-Rachel

Rachel walked out the side door of the theater, immediately walking to the edge of the sidewalk and hailing a cab. She had went through this routine so many times, performing one or multiple shows that day, finally ending another day as Frannie, hailing a cab, and going back home to Bushwick. She found that many times she would be home and not really even remember the cab ride home. There were other simular instances, as well, like she was functioning on a sort of auto pilot. She tried to mix her days up from time to time, as much as she had time for, going to a small cafe or diner at the end of the day before going home, small things like that. But, the truth was, no matter how long she sat in her dressing room after her last performance of the day, removing her Frannie wig and makeup, she never really felt like Rachel Berry anymore.

When she had first began to try and figure out when this issue started, she assumed it came on with the death of Finn. It would make sense for her to sort of lose her identity after losing the person who had always believed in her the most. She hadn't seriously dated anyone since Finn's death, never really feeling comfortable with anyone else. She accepted the fact that she may very well never be with a man again. Who could compare to Finn and the love that they had shared? She could be single forever, in fact it was easier. Upon further reflection, though, Rachel realized she had stopped feeling like herself long before Finn died. She remembered, not very long after she had moved to New York, telling Kurt how the city felt wrong for her. It had all felt wrong. How long had she felt so... off?

The last time she could remember really feeling at home in herself, was senior year. Everything was so full of possibility then, and she was still with all of her friends. She was grateful that so many of them had come to New York and were still in her life, but she very much missed the ones that weren't there. Mike, Tina, Puck, Quinn... Rachel had felt glimpses of that happiness on the rare occasions when they were all able to get together again, and when Quinn had come to New York to talk her out of doing a nude scene for a student film. It brightened Rachel's heart to know Quinn cared that much for her, to come all the way into the city just to talk her out of a bad career choice. She had turned into a good friend, who Rachel really wished she got to see more of. They had both visited a couple times over the years, but at the most they saw one another two, three times a year.

She knew Quinn was busy with her own life too. Quinn was with Puck now, again. They'd been together for two years now, off and on, ever since the glee club was officially dismantled from McKinley. Puck was still in the air force, stationed at " " air force base in " ". Quinn had moved to Los Angeles after graduating early with honors from Yale. Rachel had went to the graduation with most of her fellow glee clubbers. It was the last time she had seen Quinn in person. They spoke through texts, and on the rare occasions when their schedules allowed, they would video chat to catch up. The last time they had spoken over Skype, Quinn had spoken, briefly, about her and Puck's troubles with their now longer distance relationship, and her adjustments to living in LA.

She knew Quinn was independantly strong. She always had been, despite her almost never being single. Still, Rachel worried about her being alone in such a large, unfamiliar city. She wished she could have been there in the beginning, to help Quinn get adjusted. But her performance schedule would have never allowed for it. They were long overdue for a visit, though, and Rachel had just finished her last performance for the next two weeks earlier today. She was getting her first vacation in the three years since she had started Funny Girl. She had originally planned to laze it up. Sit on the couch for the next two weeks and catch up on current pop culture. There were several new movies and albums she had been dying to check out, but hadn't had the time. Now, however, she had a better idea of how to spend her two weeks off. Rachel went to her laptop, and began looking up flight details for the soonest plane leaving New York City going to Los Angeles.


	2. Chapter 2

Quinn

Quinn stood at her dresser in the corner of her small bedroom with the top drawer open. She stared into the open drawer, not even really seeing all the mismatched pairs of socks inside, but instead only seeing the small white gold diamond ring she fiddled with lightly between her fingers. Even though she had not given Puck an answer to his proposal a few weeks ago, he had still placed the ring, inside its velvet black box, into her hand, closing her fingers around it for her, before walking away to catch his flight back to the air force base that was his home so far away from her now. She still hadn't given him an answer, and therefore never wore it. She would go to the drawer and open up the tiny box every couple of days, though, just to look at it, feel it in her hand, but she never dared put it on. It was a beautiful, vintage glamour type of ring that suited her perfectly. She loved it, and the man that gave it to her. But there was still something pulling her in a different direction, that unexplainable gravitational pull.

It had been three days since she had shakily closed the mailbox down the block. She knew the letter should be arriving in NYC at its destination any time now, if it hadn't already. If it had, wouldn't her phone have rang by now, though? Or maybe the letter had been received, read, and decidedly ignored, or thrown away. Rejection had always been a somewhat accepted possibility as an outcome for Quinn, but being completely ignored... She hadn't expected that at all from such a normally outspoken person. What if they never spoke to one another again? No, Quinn thought as she physically shook her head in unison with her mental reprimand. The letter probably still lay among a stack inside an annoyingly slow postal truck, or stuck inside an unchecked mailbox, or unread thrown hastily on a kitchen counter or coffee table.

Quinn placed the ring back into its box and closed her sock drawer, releasing a deep exhale. Everytime she took out the ring, her thoughts always ended up somewhere else, with someone else. That was why she wouldn't give Puck a definitive answer, why she couldn't, not yet. Not until she was sure Rachel had read that letter.

Quinn walked into her photography wall covered living room and plopped down defeatedly on her second hand dark brown leather couch. It squeaked as she scooted around getting comfortable, and at first she mistook the doorbell for one of the couch's louder noises. No one ever rang her doorbell, short of takeout delivery guys and she hadn't ordered anything. When she heard the noise again, this time several times back to back, she jumped up. It was her doorbell. Who the hell? Quinn stood frozen for a minute, as if forgetting what the proper reaction was when someone was at your door from not living the experience in so long. She walked into the small adjoining kitchen and picked up a large frying pan. This is the city, and her meager budject didn't exactly allow for any of the better parts of town. The doorbell rang again, followed by several loud knocks that echoed through her small apartment. She walked to the door clutching the pan in her right hand ready to strike if need be. As the knocking continued, Quinn flung open the door and dropped both her jaw and the frying pan to the floor.

-Rachel

Rachel was once again raising her hand to hail a cab, but this time she was doing it under a Los Angeles night sky. She had visited LA once before, to audition for a bogus television show pilot. It wasn't a great experience and she had never come back, until now.

Rachel gave the taxi driver the addresse Quinn had given her when she first moved to LA after loading her luggage into the trunk. Rachel had sent Quinn an espresso maker and a feather comforter as housewarming gifts, and she thanked God that she had kept the addresse. Her surprise for Quinn would have been ruined otherwise.

As she sat in the backseat, she played with the hem of her knee-length turqious dress in nervousness. She had opted for fashion over comfort for her trip, wanting to look good for Quinn. It was normal to want to look nice for a friend after not seeing them for months, right?

"How much longer until we get there?" She leaned up to ask the driver anxiously.

"We're here actually." He answered in a low, husky voice as the car slowed to a stop. "Do you want help with your bags?"

"No, thank you. I can get them. Have a great and safe night." Rachel paid the man with a smile. After exiting the car, she went to the trunk and pulled out her two mid-size suitcases, glad that she had packed light for the two week getaway. As the cab pulled away into the night, she looked up at the old, tall apartment building in front of her as she remembered Quinn telling her she had leased a loft apartment in one of the lower income parts of the city. Rachel silently prayed the building had an elevator.

It didn't. Twelve flights of stairs later, Rachel stood sweating and tired in front of Quinn's stained wood apartment door. Before ringing the doorbell, she took a tissue from her purse and wiped the sweat from her face, taking special care under her eyes just in case her mascara had ran from the long climb. She replaced the tissue into her purse, flattened out the wrinkles in her dress, and took a deep breathe. She rang the doorbell once and waited. No answer. She rang it again, this time she pushed the button several times back to back. She was starting to worry Quinn wasn't home, when she heard shuffling inside after she rang the doorbell several more times and began knocking as well. Didn't Quinn know it was rude to keep a guest waiting at the door? So Rachel continued knocking, more forcefully now, until the door swang open right in between knocks.

Quinn Fabray stood in the doorway in front of her in a pair of baggy grey sweat pants and a loose black band t-shirt Rachel had never heard of, and, Rachel was pretty sure Quinn wasn't even wearing a bra. Before Rachel could get embarrassed at herself for cleary staring right at Quinn's chest, she was startled by the frying pan she hadn't even noticed Quinn was holding hitting the hardwood floor. Rachel could only assume she had interupted Quinn cooking a late dinner. By the look on the blonde girl's face, Rachel had definitely succeeded in surprising her.

"Aren't you going to invite me in, Quinn?" Rachel asked in a teasing tone. Quinn's eyes widened like she finally realized Rachel was really there in front of her, and stepped to the side, waving her hand in front of her to usher Rachel inside. After Rachel stepped in and sat down her bags, Quinn closed the door behind her and stood facing it for a few seconds longer than what was probably considered normal. It seemed to Rachel like Quinn was really working to collect herself, and Rachel hoped she hadn't come at a bad time.

"What are you doing here, Rachel?" Quinn questioned when she finally turned to face Rachel.

"Ouch. That wasn't exactly the welcome I was hoping for when I decided to spend my first vacation in three years in LA with one of my oldest friends." Rachel answered, looking at her shoes. She had thought Quinn would be just as excited to see her as she was to see Quinn. Maybe not.

"I'm sorry. Sorry. You know that isn't what I mean. I just wasn't expecting you at all." Quinn corrected shakily.

"Well isn't that the whole point of a surprise, silly?" Rachel laughed, glad Quinn didn't seem to be upset that she was here.

-Quinn

Quinn couldn't help but smile back as Rachel laughed lightly. She was here. Rachel was here, in LA, in her apartment, right in front of her. Quinn couldn't really believe it, even though she could see Rachel right in front of her. She just kept reminding herself to breathe, and tried to calm herself down enough to not further embarrass herself.

"I am definitely surprised." Quinn stated, still smiling back at Rachel. Rachel's posture relaxed and Quinn realized her initial shock must have worried Rachel. Quinn hoped her reaction at first hadn't hurt Rachel's feelings. "It's really good to see you, Rach. Honestly." Quinn looked down to the floor nervously, and realized what she had on. "Oh my gosh, I'm not dressed at all for company. I am so sorry you have to see me like this." Quinn apologized, blushing. This was definitely not how she had planned to look when she finally saw Rachel again. She was supposed to be in some form fitting outfit with her hair and makeup done. Kind of like Rachel was now. She really looked at Rachel now, taking her in. She had on a turquiose, knee length dress that hugged her small frame very nicely. Quinn could see every curve Rachel had, and she noticed Rachel's hair was considerably longer than it had been a few months ago. Quinn had to remind herself to keep breathing again.

"Don't be ridiculous, Quinn. You look gorgeous as always. It's a rare type of beauty that can make even sweat pants look elegant." Quinn felt her cheeks burning and Rachel grinned wider at her blush. Was she flirting, Quinn wondered. Regardless, the fact that she was complimenting Quinn had to be a good sign, right? She obviously wasn't angry and didn't seem to be upset at all. Was it possible that Rachel had read the letter and had come here with a positive response? Or was she just being nice so that she could let Quinn down easily? She didn't have to come all the way to LA to do that. In fact, Quinn thought, she would rather receive bad news from Rachel over the phone, or in a letter of her own. Not in person where Rachel could watch Quinn's heart break as she broke it.

"So..." Quinn started, taking a deep breath to try and steady herself. She looked down at her hands and noticed they were shaking, so she laced her fingers together in front of her, hoping Rachel wouldn't notice. She tried to prepare herself for the worst as she began again. "I assume you're here because of the letter."

"The letter?" Rachel asked. Quinn looked back up at Rachel and was surprised once again. Rachel's face held what seemed to be nothing but pure ignorance as to what Quinn was talking about.

"Wait. You didn't get any interesting mail before you left New York?" Quinn inquired curiously.

"No, or at least I don't think so. I never go to the mailbox. Kurt usually brings all the mail up and seperates it into three piles for us. Thank God he does, too because if it were left up to Santana and I, I doubt there would be any room left in that mailbox because neither of us would ever think to check it." Rachel laughed. "Why? Should I have? I can call Kurt and ask him if he noticed any letters addressed to me in the last couple days." Rachel began rummaging around in her purse looking for her phone.

"No!" Quinn almost yelled, closing the few steps between them, and laying her hand on Rachel's arm to stop her. "I mean, that's okay. You'll see what I mean soon enough." Quinn tried to rationalize, reluctantly moving her hand.

"What do you mean?" Rachel slanted her head a little to the side in the cutest way.

"Let's just say you have your own surprise waiting for you once you get back to New York. Nothing bad, or at least I don't think so. Hopefully you won't either." Quinn said the last part barely above a whisper, trying to hide her selfconsciousness. "Now isn't the time for that, though. I have forgotten my manners completely apparently. Lets take your bags into the bedroom. I'm sure you want to change into something more comfortable after your trip."

"That would be nice. Seeing how comfortable you look was making me a little jealous." Rachel laughed as she went to pick up her suitcases again.

"No, let me. You've carried these enough today. I know the walk up the stairs must have been a bitch." Quinn commanded, stopping Rachel.

"Did Quinn Fabray just say bitch?"

"Did Rachel Berry just say bitch?" They both erupted in laughter together as Quinn sat Rachel's luggage inside her bedroom. Quinn sat down on the edge of her bed and watched Rachel take out a pair of black yoga pants and a t-shirt. "The bathroom is through that door right..." Quinn stopped mid sentence, her jaw dropping once again. Rachel was changing right in front of her. She had never seen Rachel in so little. During glee club, Rachel would always go into a stall or an empty room to change, while most of the other girls got dressed together in thier dressing rooms. It seemed Rachel wasn't so shy about her body anymore, and with reason. Quinn watched the tight muscles of Rachel's stomach as she pulled her dress over her head. Rachel had on a navy blue matching lingerie set, and, as Quinn looked her up and down, she wondered if Rachel always wore such sexy and cordinated under garments. She also couldn't help but wonder if that was the only thing deceiving of Rachel's seeming innocence. As Rachel pulled on her yoga pants, Quinn got lost in her long legs. How could someone so short have such long, amazing legs?

Rachel cleared her throat loudly, making Quinn look back up to meet her gaze. Rachel looked at her questionly for a moment, then grinned as she watched the blush Quinn felt return to her cheeks. Rachel shook her head and looked down at her feet. "Careful, Quinn. You might tell on yourself." Rachel nearly whispered, laughing.

"I thought I already had." Quinn answered even lower.

"Huh?" Rachel asked, looking confused again.

"Nothing." Quinn answered, shaking her own head this time. "So, what do you wanna do? It's already pretty late, but if you want to go out I'm sure we can find a bar or a restaurant still open."

"I think I would rather just stay in tonight, if that's okay with you. Seemed like that was your plans for the night anyway? I'm sorry if I interrupted you cooking by the way."

"Cooking?" Now it was Quinn's turn to look confused.

"Yeah, when I came in you dropped a frying pan."

"Ohhh." Quinn laughed. "No, no. I was afraid you were a murderer... or a buggler, something like that. The frying pan was just for protection." That made Rachel laugh, too. "We can watch a movie, if you want. That's what I was about to do before you scared me to death." Quinn suggested.

"Sounds great to me. I've barely seen anything that has came out in the last three years."

"Movie marathon it is then." Quinn replied with a smile as she began looking through her collection of dvds next to the tv in her bedroom.


	3. Chapter 3

-Author's notes:

Thanks so much everyone for all the reviews, favs, and follows. This is my first fanfic, and all the love is just amazing to receive. You're all awesome. :) I'm really glad that some of you seemed to pick up on the humor element. I was really afraid that my funny wouldn't be the reader's funny, if that makes any sense.

About Puck, he is one of the catalyst in the story right now. I have to have things that keep the girls apart right now. It will make the ending so much better. And there is definitely a reason this is categorized as faberry. :) They are my otp and this is a faberry romance. Be patient, love will prevail. Keep reading, and I'll keep updating. Reviews, places you'd like to see the story go or characters do, all that stuff is always greatly appreciated. Again, thanks so much and I hope everyone keeps enjoying reading as much as I am writing.

Three barely watched movies later, the sun was beginning to creep through the blinds of Quinn's bedroom window.

"I can't believe we were up all night talking." Rachel said through a stretch.

"I know. If someone would have told me this was going to happen our sophomore year of high school, I would have probably had them slushied everyday until graduation." Quinn laughed. "It was really nice, though."

"It was." Rachel yawned out.

"You must be exhausted. I'll go sleep on the couch. You can have the bed." Quinn rose to sit up, but Rachel placed her arm over Quinn's stomach stopping her.

"Quinn, you have a queen size bed that can easily accommodate both of us. There is no need for either of us to sleep on the couch, but if you insist that someone does, I will, not you." Rachel said sleepily.

"Are you sure?" Quinn asked. She loved her couch, but she had never tried to sleep on it and if she didn't have to, she wasn't keen to try it out now.

"Mhm. Positive." Rachel said, laying her head on Quinn's chest, and nuzzling into Quinn's side.

"Well, okay." Quinn responded. She didn't know if it was because she was half asleep, or because Rachel had started it, or because it just felt natural, or some combination of the three, but she placed her arm around Rachel's side and allowed herself to cuddle back into Rachel. They were both asleep before either of them could realize what they were doing.

-Quinn

Quinn woke up first some time in the early afternoon. She felt a heavy pressure lying on her chest and a lighter one across her stomach. She had to open her eyes to remind herself it was Rachel's head on her chest and her arm across her stomach. Rachel's hand held tightly to Quinn's side farthest from her. She wasn't dreaming. Rachel was really there, wrapped up in her arms. They were both already half asleep when Rachel had taken her sleeping position nearly on top of Quinn, and Quinn had wrapped her arms around Rachel in turn. Quinn was afraid of the reaction Rachel might have when she woke up in this position now, though, sleep no longer clouding her judgment. She took a deep breath in through her nose, staring down at Rachel, trying to use all of her senses to memorize this moment. She may never get to be so close to Rachel again. She wanted every sight, smell, touch, and sound of this memory to be forever imprinted in her mind. She prayed Rachel was still sleeping deeply as she leaned her head down to place the lightest of quick kisses to the top of Rachel's head. After doing so, Quinn lay very still to see if Rachel would stir at all. She didn't, thankfully.

Reluctantly, Quinn slowly, carefully, moved her arms from around Rachel, trying desperately not to wake her and freak her out at their closeness. She slid delicately to the side, attempting to move out from under Rachel's limp body.

"Mmm. Don't get up, yet. Please. I haven't slept with anyone like this since before Finn died." Rachel whispered, surprising Quinn by tightening her grip around her. She was grateful that Rachel's eyes were still closed so that she couldn't see the dopey grin that covered her face as she wrapped her arms firmly back around Rachel. "I haven't slept that well in years, if ever." Rachel confessed, smiling, eyes still closed. "It's just really nice to have a warm body next to me that I'm comfortable with and trust. I haven't really found that in New York. I mean, I can always cuddle with Kurt, but he's usually busy with Blaine. Santana isn't really the cuddling type." They both laughed at that.

"Yeah, I don't think either of us moved all night. Or morning. You know what I mean." Quinn laughed. "Sorry if I woke you."

"You didn't. I think I was awake before you actually. I just didn't want to move." Rachel explained. Damn, Quinn thought, that meant Rachel had been awake for the kiss she had placed to the top of her head. Would she ever stop blushing during this visit?

Quinn shifted awkwardly under Rachel, embarrassed once again. At the rate she was going now, Rachel wouldn't even have to wait to get back to New York to figure out what Quinn had written to tell her. Rachel would figure it out for herself. Quinn knew she had to step up her game or she would seriously be risking a face to face rejection from Rachel. That was not something she was entirely confident she could handle.

"I'm so sorry. This whole side of your body is probably asleep." Rachel apologized, gesturing towards the half of Quinn that she was lying on. Quinn released her arms from around Rachel as the smaller girl sat up. Instantly Quinn missed the contact. She watched Rachel rub her eyes sleepily from where she now sat in the middle of Quinn's bed with her legs crossed.

When Rachel finally opened her eyes for the first time since they had woken up, she immediately looked to Quinn and smiled. "Hi, Quinn."

"Well, hello, Rachel. How are you?" Quinn played along. Rachel's smile was contagious.

"Well rested, thank you for asking. I have a feeling I was right to think this was exactly what I needed for my vacation." Rachel's smile deepened and Quinn almost got lost in it again, but she remembered a question she still had.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but what did make you come here? I mean, like you said, it's your first vacation in roughly three years. Why not go see your dads? Or Shelby? You've done pretty well for yourself. You could travel. You could be in Paris right now, or the Bahamas. Why come to my barely there apartment in a crummy strip of Los Angeles, a city that, I know you are not very fond of?" Quinn was still having a hard time believing that Rachel's impromptu visit wasn't linked to the letter she had sent days before. Could it really be that big of a coincidence?

Maybe this was fate's way of keeping Rachel in the dark. Rachel would spend two weeks in LA, and, by the time she got back to New York, Quinn's letter would be lost or trashed. This was supposed to be simple, cut and dry. She would send the letter. Rachel would read it. Rachel would, more likely than not, let her down easily and insist they remain friends. So, they would. Quinn knew better than to think she would be better off with Rachel not in her life. She had tried that and it usually ended in things like bad dye jobs, worse tattoos, or car accidents. So Rachel would stand as a bridesmaid at her and Puck's wedding, and that would be that. It would finally be over.

Now, however, Quinn didn't know what to expect anymore. Her confession was hanging up in the air and it made her incredibly uncomfortable. Rachel may never even read it. Or maybe she had already.

"I see my dads every couple of months. When they come for at least a weekend to visit. Shelby lives in NYC, too. I see her just enough and we exchange emails every few weeks to catch up." Quinn was hanging on the edge of her seat, or the middle of her bed. "I wanted to spend my time doing something I wouldn't normally get to do. We never get to spend any real time together. Even on the rare occasions when we all get together, there are so many people to catch up with, and I would feel selfish if I tried to hog you all to myself." Rachel grinned and looked down sheepishly at her intertwined fingers. Quinn blushed slightly. She felt, again, like Rachel was flirting. She knew. She had to. She had read the letter, come here, and was just playing coy. "The truth is, I don't really have any girlfriends in New York. Kurt is there. Santana is... Santana. My schedule doesn't allow me much time to go out and make new friends." Rachel stared at her hands as she rolled them back and forth, fiddling nervously. Quinn could tell this was something that must be really bothering Rachel. Maybe she hadn't read the letter. Maybe she was just here out of loneliness, looking for a friend and I was the easiest choice. Quinn thought, knowing she had a tendency for paranoia.

"You're so charismatic, though Rachel. You could have hopped on a plane, went around the world and made friends in a couple days. If nothing else, you would attach yourself to someone who looked friendly and spoke English, and annoy them until they gave you a tour." Quinn reached out and poked Rachel's shoulder playfully. She hated seeing Rachel look upset. It made her own heart hurt. Rachel looked back up at her, smiling a little. Quinn couldn't help but smile in turn.

"What's traveling, having all those new experiences, if you don't have anyone to share them with, though? I think I would have just felt even lonelier. Besides, you act like you're bad company. It's kind of crazy, considering where we started, but you're one of my best friends. I see the other two everyday. We were past due for a visit, if you ask me." Rachel was smiling again. Quinn had a feeling the smile was more for her benefit than for Rachel's own.

"I'm not complaining. As I'm sure you've noticed already, I don't really have anyone here in LA, either. The only people I ever talk to are baristas, take out guys, and the rare meeting I might take." Quinn confessed. "I'm alright with being alone, most of the time. I'm used to it. But I admit, it's nice having someone else here."

"Well, as long as I'm around, you don't have to be used to it. We'll be one another's good company." Rachel seemed excited by the prospect, bouncing up on her knees.

"Just don't get too attached to me, Berry. Wouldn't want you to miss me too much once you go back home." Quinn laughed, even though that was ~exactly what she wanted Rachel to do.

"What makes you think I haven't already?" Rachel asked with that flirtatious smile. Before Quinn could answer, Rachel had jumped up from the bed and ran towards the bathroom. "I call dibs on the bathroom first." She yelled over her shoulder. Quinn let herself fall backward onto the bed and wondered how she was possibly going to survive two weeks of falling even more in love with Rachel Berry.


	4. Chapter 4

A week passed. Rachel felt lighter than she had felt in years. It was like a weight had been lifted off her chest and she could breathe again. No schedule, no where to be, no face to put on, no wig, no one else to be, for the first time in three years. It was freeing. They stayed up late and slept in, ordered take out, and went out to a few casual restaurants. Quinn took her to all the typical tourist spots, since her first trip to LA had been so rushed and she hadn't gotten to do anything. She had been in LA with Quinn for a full seven days when Rachel asked Quinn to drive them to Napa Valley to spend the day wine tasting. It was something Rachel had always wanted to do, like a right of passage.

"I know it probably sounds silly, but I've always imagined going. Like when I could spend a whole day just sticking my nose into fancy wine glasses and getting drunk, I would know I had really made it." Rachel explained to Quinn, making her laugh.

"I think it's safe to say you have made it Rachel. You've been on Broadway the last three years." Quinn returned. She was more than a little reluctant to drink with Rachel. Doing anything that would lower her inhibitions could be very dangerous for Quinn. She didn't want to get loose lipped and spill anything she wouldn't normally confess to. But the way Rachel was looking at Quinn, with her pleading puppy dog eyes and her pouty lower lip, Quinn knew she wouldn't be able to say no. She would just have to moderate her drinking and pray that she wouldn't embarrass herself yet again.

"Please." Rachel added, putting her palms together and mock begging Quinn.

"Ugh, fine." Quinn gave in, rolling her eyes and shaking her head. "But I'm warning you now, if this day ends in a bathroom somewhere with me holding your hair, you owe me big."

"Deal." Rachel almost squealed in excitement, clapping her hands together. "I'm so excited. I've seen so many pictures and it just looks so beautiful there. You should take your camera so we can take some Napa shots and pictures together."

"Not a bad idea, Berry. I could use some new shots for the living room." Quinn said, getting up from the couch to pack her camera.

"Yeah, who knows, maybe you'll even hang one of the two of us and not just the random landscapes and black and whites you have up now." Rachel teased. "Make it a little more personal, like home, you know. I would have thought you'd at least have one of you and Puck somewhere."

"Nah. I don't think we've even taken any pictures since we got back together a few years ago. Just the ones we all took for glee and a couple with Beth here and there." Quinn defended, not looking up from where she sat in the floor putting her camera into its bag. Talking about Puck made her feel guilty. It wasn't fair what she was doing to him and she knew it. He shouldn't be a second choice option, behind Rachel. Quinn knew the only way she would marry Puck was if she was certain she could never be with Rachel. She fought the sick feeling in her stomach at the mention of his name.

"I'm glad to see you at least have the framed picture of Beth on your nightstand in the bedroom. It's really the only thing in this whole apartment with any connection to your life before moving here."

"I'm a very different person now. There are a lot of things from my past that I don't care to remember." Quinn didn't know what it was about Rachel that always brought out the honesty in her.

"Well, I for one, am grateful for everything that happened, though I am sorry that you had to go through so much. Everything you went through though, led you here, made you this amazing person in front of me. I can't help but be thankful for that." Rachel said with a big smile.

"You're too much sometimes." Quinn laughed, blushing at the compliment.

"I think I'm just enough." Rachel shot back with a knowing look in her eyes that sent a shiver down Quinn's spine.

Napa

By four that afternoon, Rachel was quickly approaching drunk and Quinn was maintaining a solid state of tipsy. Quinn had been drinking one glass of wine to Rachel's two. She had to admit she was impressed with how Rachel had learned to handle her alcohol. Rachel hadn't cried or burst into song. Neither of them had thrown up either, yet. But they hadn't eaten since that morning before leaving Quinn's apartment and she knew she wouldn't be able to stay at a safe level of intoxication for much longer without some food in her system. Rachel agreed, reluctantly.

"Ruining my fun, Quinn Fabray." Rachel chastised from around the straw of her strawberry daiquiri she had ordered before her food. "You know eating is going to ruin this good buzz I have going."

"I never imagined you would be much of a drinker. Besides, it isn't like there is any shortage of alcohol around here."

"True." Rachel answered. She looked down at Quinn's hand on the table. Quinn sat watching her, wondering what Rachel was considering so much. Quinn jumped a little when Rachel placed her own hand over Quinn's. "Are you having a good time? I mean, I know we sang to the radio the whole drive up here... And we haven't really stopped laughing..." Rachel smiled teasingly. "But, honestly, I don't want to be like a burden to you while I'm here. I want you to have as much fun as I am. Not just while we're in Napa, but the whole time I'm in LA." Rachel's face had grown more serious towards the end of her speech.

How could she think, even for a moment, that she could ever be a burden to Quinn? When Rachel's voice got low like that, her face tightened, and her eyes grew insecure, Quinn felt like there was no way Rachel could have already read the letter. If she had, she would know exactly how Quinn felt. She would know there was no way that she could ever be anything but ecstatic to have Rachel around. Still, there were times when Rachel would say things that left little room for doubt that she had already read the letter. If that were the case, the puppy dog eyes and the sad little voice, even the drinking, could all just be a ploy to make Quinn confess out loud.

"Well, as you can tell since you've arrived, I do have a very demanding schedule." Quinn laughed. She actually didn't have much of a schedule at all. She had went on auditions when she first came to LA, but nothing stuck. She didn't know anyone in LA, so she didn't have much of a social life either. After a few months alone in the city with nothing to do, Quinn had started writing, and she really took to it. "And though, you are quite the distraction from my writing", Quinn continued, still smiling, "you aren't the worst company in the world."

"Not the worst? That's all I get?" Rachel smiled back, her hand still over Quinn's.

"Yep." Quinn teased. "It's actually been really nice having someone here. The only person that has ever visited me here is Puck, and that's different."

"How is it different?" Rachel asked with that knowing tone again. Quinn gulped, knowing she had set herself up for the dangerous question. She quickly moved her hand out from under Rachel's.

"Uh, you know, it just is. You're a girl, obviously... and you and I, we're just friends, doing friendly things... together." Quinn was surprised she had even managed to get an answer out that made that much sense. Her cheeks were on fire and she was kicking herself for taking even a sip of alcohol. Rachel seemed to be satisfied with Quinn's response, though. The brunette laughed hysterically from across the table so hard that she was almost doubled over.

"Yes, Quinn, I am a girl." Rachel said after she had gotten her laughter under control. "And we are friends, doing friendly things, like: staying up way too late every night talking, drinking together, sleeping together." Quinn spit out the drink of her water she had just taken. She grabbed a handful of napkins as Rachel erupted again into a fit of laughter. "You are too easy, Fabray."

"I need another drink." Quinn said, more to herself than to Rachel.

"It's about time." Rachel smiled, raising her hand to get their server's attention. Rachel Berry was trying to get her drunk.


	5. Chapter 5

"I got Quinn Fabray drunk." Rachel sang as she danced down the hotel hallway, quite inebriated herself.

"Ssshut up, Berry." Quinn slurred slightly from where she walked slowly behind Rachel. "I'm not even that drunk."

"You've always been an awful liar, Quinn."

"God, I hope that isn't true." Rachel laughed again and stopped suddenly, squinting at a door in front of her.

"It totally is, to me anyway. I can always tell the difference." She looked back at Quinn, who had caught up to her, and winked. "This is us." Rachel pulled the keycard from her purse and unlocked the door. Quinn was thanking God again that there was such a conveniently placed hotel right there at the vineyard. She knew neither of them would be in any shape to drive for a long while. Then she stepped into the room behind Rachel, who was already sitting on the bed smiling mischievously. The one bed.

"We're at a hotel, Rachel. And you're kind of rich. You could have sprang for two beds." Quinn said hatefully. She could feel the angry Quinn alcohol usually brought out in her trying to come out. She stared holes into Rachel. If looks could kill...

"Yeah, but it's funner for me this way." Rachel beamed, unphased. "I like watching you squirm." Again she winked confidently at Quinn. Rachel was even more of a flirt drunk, apparently. Quinn released an almost defeated sigh and plopped down on the bed next to Rachel.

"You know youre killing me right?" Quinn all but whispered, findling her hands in her lap.

"No. Youre killing you, Quinn." Quinn hadnt expected an answer so serious. The slight shake in Rachel's voice made Quinn look up, where Rachel met her eyes. "You know you don't have to right?" Rachel reached her hand to Quinn's lap and lighly lay her hand over the closest of Quinn's, like asking for permission. Which Quinn gave by turning over her own quaking hand and allowing Rachel to intertwine their fingers.

They sat like that for a little while. Rachel rested her head on Quinn's shoulder as they continued to hold hands. After a few minutes, Quinn wiped tears from her cheek, laughing. Rachel wiped her own, surprisingly more subtle, tears away and looked up at Quinn.

"What is it?"

"It's nothing." Quinn laughed again. "Just... We're really kind of lame. Most people get drunk and end up with tattoos, or in another state, or having terrible drunk sex..." This made Quinn snort with laughter, getting Rachel started with her own giggle fit. "But not us. Nope. We end up in a hotel room alone, with one bed, holding hands and crying." Both girls were nearly hysterical now. "If you ever tell anyone..." Quinn managed to get out before Rachel pulled her down onto the bed to lay next to her. Rachel put her head on Quinn's chest as their laughter died down.

"Contrary to popular belief I am an excellent secret keeper."

"Sure ya are." Quinn teased.

"Hey!" Rachel yelled, propping herself up with her elbow and slapping Quinn's chest playfully. She met Quinn's eyes, trying to convey her sincerity. "I have you know that there are secrets I have kept for years, both my own and other people's, that I have never or would never speak of to a soul." Rachel continued to study Quinn's eyes, looking for any recognition there.

"Because I'm sure Rachel Berry has all kinds of juicy deep dark secrets." Quinn responded sarcastically. She was deflecting and Rachel knew it. It was a reaction she had learned to recognize from Quinn like the back of her hand.

"I bet I could surprise you with just how juicy." Rachel had no intention of making things easy for Quinn. She was over all the deflection and playing dumb, everything Quinn had done for years to ignore the chemistry between them. She had hoped the alcohol would make Quinn sing like a canary, but it seemed the blonde still needed some pushing. Rachel drew patterns on Quinn's chest with the fingers of her hand that still lay there. "I bet I could surprise you with a lot actually, if you let me." Rachel felt the gulp Quinn took before she spoke.

"I've never been much for surprises. But I might be willing to let you try and change my mind." Quinn looked down at Rachel's lips, making Rachel smile.

"I totally saw that." Rachel giggled, her own eyes drawn to Quinn's lips as she ran her tongue over her bottom lip.

"And I totally saw that." Quinn grinned, thanking God for the alcohol in her system making her brave.

"So. What are you going to do about it?" Rachel dared.

"TThis." And just like that Quinn had leaned up, placed one hand to Rachel's cheek, and placed her lips lightly against Rachel's. Quinn didn't give herself time to question the decision. She heard the dare behind Rachel's voice and went for it.


	6. Chapter 6

Quinn pulled away after only a couple seconds, looking nervously at Rachel as she brought her hand back down into her lap. Rachel sat with her eyrs still closed. This made Quinn extremely nervous, which usually meant all her walls flying back up and the return of the HBIC.

"You are such a drama queen. " She stated to Rachel's still closed eyes, mostly teasing. "Again." Rachel answered, still not opening her eyes

.

"When did you ever stop?" Quinn laughed awkwardly.

"No. Quinn..." Rachel opened her eyes, looking directly into the hazel before her. "Kiss me again." Rachel rose her own shaking hand to Quinn's cheek and rubbed a pattern there with her thumb, waiting for Quinn to once again close the distance between them. Which she did eagerly. Quinn put her arms around Rachel's waist and pulled her closer as their lips moved together.

Quinn was still a bit in shock that she was making out with Rachel Berry. Her mind hadn't quite caught up to her body yet, making important questions she would normally ask herself like: what' s this mean; will Rachel remember this tomorrow, and everything else distant in her mind. All she could think about was Rachel's tongue lightly playing with her own, Rachel's teeth nibbling against her bottom lip, and, Oh God, Rachel's hands grazing over her chest. Rachel Berry just tagged second base with me. Quinn unconsciously smiled deeply into the rapidly heating kiss. Somewhere within herself acknowledged that this was a life changing moment. There would be lots of questions and anxieties over this later. But for now, she reminded herself she wasn't dreaming, and pulled Rachel closer.

Rachel.

I'm kissing Quinn. I'm kissing Quinn Fabray. As Rachel was thinking this, something registered inside of her, like a reached goal. She hadn't wanted to admit it to herself, but subconsciously she knew even before she had booked her flight to LA, that this was one of her reasons for choosing to visit Quinn now, maybe her biggest reason.

Rachel had never really had to question her sexuality. She was raised to believe in love, in any form. So when, at an early age, she realized she was attracted to both sexes, it came as no big deal to her. There was never any need to vocalize her bi sexuality because there had never been any question of a relationship with another female. The only girls she had ever really been attracted to enough to even consider a romantic relationship was the unholy trinity, who remained far out of her league all throughout high school, despite the friendship glee had brought them.

Quinn had always stood out to her more than the other two. Brittany and Santana had always remained glued to one another. Even if they hadn't however, Rachel seriously doubted anything romantic would have formed between either of them and herself. Brittany was on an entirely different intelligence level, secret genius. Santana was... Santana. While they would innocently flirt sometimes in their adult friendship, they were both alphas, divas. There was barely enough room in one loft for them let alone one relationship. And while both girls were clearly stunning in their own rights, they held no candle to Quinn. Quinn possessed a classical elegance rarely seen outside of films made after the sixties. Whether her hair was blonde or pink, whether she wore a cheerio's uniform, baby doll dresses, ripped band tees, or sweatpants, and despite the rapidly changing personalities that came along with each of those looks, Quinn had always been a sort of alluring enigma for Rachel.

In fact, when rumours and allegations had first begun circulating that she was after Finn during their sophomore year before he had joined glee, they were all largely based off of long stares as he and Quinn walked down the hall or sat in class together. Rachel had grown to care deeply for Finn and she was thankful for the relationship they had shared, no matter its falsely based beginning . In reality, it had been Quinn that Rachel couldn't tear her eyes from. Her peers' inaccurate assumptions led to more interaction between her and Quinn, all be it mostly negative, but Quinn Fabray was talking to her.

Now, more than half a decade since their sophomore year of high school, Rachel was right in the middle of a heavy make out session with the long time object of her desire. She moved her hands from Quinn's cheeks and ran them down her body, which was almost completely under Rachel's now, and up again. She rested one hand on Quinn's breast, kneading it through her thin blouse. Her other hand squeezed Quinn's sharp hip bone, encouraging Quinn to allow her to slip her own thigh between the blonde's long legs. Quinn picked up the cue immediately, releasing a loud moan from between their almost frantic kiss as the two girls began to move their hips together in unison. Quinn ran a hand down Rachel's back, letting it rest just above her ass. Rachel was suddenly on her back, their positions the exact opposite of what they'd been, never breaking from their kiss. With Rachel now on her back, she slipped her thigh again between Quinn's as Quinn did the same. They began to move in time together again. Rachel opened her eyes as she continued to kiss Quinn. She was surprised to find Quinn's hazel staring back at her. Rachel returned her hand to Quinn's cheek and leaned out of the kiss.

"Wait." Rachel barely whispered.

"What? Why? Did I do something wrong?" Rachel watched the insecurities flash through Quinn's eyes. She leaned up and placed a soft, simple kiss to Quinn's lips.

"Not at all." Rachel took a deep steadying breathe, fighting her own insecurities. "Quinn... I just... I don't want the first time we do this to be when you're so drunk I have to worry you won't remember it in the morning." Rachel didn't meet Quinn's eyes, and traced her thumb nervously over Quinn's cheek. Quinn let the words play over in her head.

"You're drunk too. You might not remember either." Quinn knew Rachel was right. Something was finally happening between them and as much as she wanted to live in the moment, she also wanted Rachel to remember tomorrow.

"I'm actually not that drunk." Rachel laughed. "I paced myself and I kinda got you drunk to take advantage of you." By now, Quinn had slid off of Rachel to lay on her back. Rachel sat up facing Quinn, so that she could look her in the eye. She immediately took Quinn's hand in her own, squeezing it now as she winked at her. She played what she had told Quinn off as a joke. But she knew Quinn was sober enough now to realize that Rachel also meant it. She had wanted to get Quinn drunk. Not so wasted that she didn't know what she was doing, but drunk enough to be honest. She made sure Quinn kissed her first. It had to be Quinn's choice. Rachel had thought about it all in depth. And by it being Quinn that made the first move proved a long standing point with Rachel. She wasn't sure that Quinn really had any feelings for her beyond simple sexual attraction or curiosity, but now she knew without doubt that there was at least that. Rachel knew Quinn's interest in her went beyond the basic bully/bullied almost immediately. More often than not, when Quinn was invading Rachel's personal space with her latast attack of verbal abuse, her eyes would often wonder. Rachel had more awkward eye contact with Quinn, than she did with anyone else in high school, probably combined. Add to that all the insinuating things Quinn had said to Rachel, especially since they had graduated. Rachel was observant and intuitive. Here, now, Quinn had proven a point.

"You didn't take advantage." Quinn reassured like she could hear Rachel's worries. "Can I be honest?" Rachel was impressed that Quinn was able to maintain eye contact.

"Always." Rachel answered hoping Quinn would somehow be able to look into her eyes and see how sincerely she meant that.

"I really don't know what to do now and this is awkward. Plus we're both a little drunk. I get the feeling this is a conversation that would be better served if we were sober."

"You want to sleep don't you? " Rachel laughed.

"Soo much." Quinn said and used their link hands to pull Rachel down next to her. Rachel nuzzled into Quinn's side and lay her head on Quinn's chest.

"If we wake up cuddled like this don't freak out."

"I won't freak out. I'm not ~that repressed." Quinn defended. "You don't freak out."

"I don't freak out." Quinn snorted at the response. "I am a diva. There's a difference. Now sssshhhhh. We're sleeping." Quinn knew Rachel wouldn't relent until she had had the last word, so she stayed quiet, stifling her laughter and squeezing Rachel closer. Tomorrow would more likely than not be very different between them, they both knew. Quinn put a soft kiss to the top of Rachel's head and pulled her a little closer.

**Author's note: Thanks so much to everyone again for reviewing, following, reading and every. Sorry an update took a while this time. I've been writing the last couple chapters on my phone and it's a slow process. **

**As for Puck, I have no intention of having he and Quinn have sex. Though he will be coming around soon. I like Puck. Faberry is obviously my otp but I think that Puck is a good guy who loves his glee girls. Maybe that seems oc to some of you but that's just how I take him. Obviously, though this is a faberry story. Puck is just a catalyst for their relationship right now. **

**Anyway I hope you guys like the chapter. Thanks again. Some of your reviews really make me smile and who wouldn't love that. :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**As had become routine for them over the last seven mornings waking up together, at first the eigth was no different. Rachel awoke first. It was early enough that she could still hear the birds chattering outside. There wasn't the sounds of traffic or mumbled conversations as people walked on the busy streets outside their picturesque Napa hotel room, yet. Rachel had been so tipsy and one tracked mind last night when they had come in, to pay any attention to the check out time. She knew they probably only had a couple more hours left before they would be on their way back to LA. For once, though, she decided getting ready for the trip, packing, and breakfast could wait unil the last minute. She had no idea what version of Quinn was about to wake up under her. She nuzzled herself cluser into Quinn's side, and tightened her arm around the fit retired cheeeio's torso. **

Quinn

Quinn woke up to Rachel scooting and squeezing her closer, and to the low, almost mournful sounding moan she had ever heard from the little diva. She had seen Rachel cry more times than she could count, both on command and for real. She had heard Rachel hysterically sob into the phone when they found out Finn died. But she had never heard such a profoundly sad moan come from the girl whose head still lay on her chest. The sound was almost conflicting with Rachel cuddling her closer in that same moment. Quinn could only hope that Rachel sounding so sad while still pulling her closer, was because the brunette was afraid she would soon not be able to be with Quinn in such a way.

It was this same anxiety that had Quinn playing a card from Rachel's deck, and was not giving any reason for Rachel to think she had woken up yet. As fas as Rachel could tell, Quinn was still fast asleep. Normally this wasn't something Quinn would allow herself to do, but since Rachel did it literally every time they had ever woken up together, Quinn felt like she somehow had permission. If Rachel was awake she had every opportunity to move away from Quinn, to detangle themselves from one another, but she didnt. She did things like squeeze Rachel tighter instead. Especially now, this morning, after Rachel's immediate waking actions, Quinn knew that Rachel wasn't doing anything she didn't want to do when it came to their sleeping arrangements. So, no longer worrying that Rachel was acting out of politeness or whatever other reason she could have for laying so intimately with Quinn outside of just wanting to, Quinn didn't feel bad for holding Rachel this way.

In fact, Quinn was surprised by how much she hadn't felt guilty during this week with Rachel. Even though she sent the letter, faced facts about her feelings, she hadn't known how it would feel to actually open herself up to those feelings with Rachel everyday. She had thought that she would feel worse, guiltier. And she did feel bad for Puck, she did. But she expected to feel like laying with Rachel, kissing her, all the innuendo, was a sin, like it was wrong. It was what she had always been taught. That you should never feel that kind of love or attraction with the same sex, it's sinful, and will send you straight to hell. It had always been one of Quinn's biggest obstacles in accepting her true feelings. She was discovering in this week with Rachel, though, that she didn't feel that way at all. Being with Rachel felt overwhelmingly right. She could feel the fringes of happiness with Rachel. Quinn took it all as a sign, that maybe she wasn't so wrong with God after all.

"Rachel?" Quinn whispered, opening her eyes.

"Quinn?" Rachel replied at full volume.

"Are you freaking out?" Quinn asked, teasing Rachel with their joke from the night before. "So you remember?" Rachel released what seemed like a held breath

.

"I didn't say that." Quinn had thought about feigning drunken memory loss, but she wanted progress with Rachel, not more hiding. It's why she sent the letter. Even if Rachel ended up not reciprocating her feelings and last night was to become a sordid what happens in Napa stays in Napa secret between them, at least Quinn would know she was open. But none of this meant she knew how to, or wanted to, talk about their sliding through bases together last night.

"You've already admitted it now." Quinn could feel Rachel's smile against her chest.

"I remember you telling me you got me drunk purposely to take advantage of me." Even as Quinn said it she had to laugh. Rachel Berry taking advantage of Quinn Fabray.

"Hey! I could have" Rachel said defensively, picking up on Quinn's reason for laughing and poking her in the ribs playfully.

"Well now I guess we'll never know." Quinn teased.

"Oh, we know."

"Do we?"

"Maybe you should clarify what youre really asking me, Quinn." Rachel sat up to look Quinn in the eye.

"Ugh. Not for you to move." Quinn groaned.

"Youre deflecting." They both knew it was true. Rachel took Quinn's hand to make it easier.

"Maybe I am." Quinn held two fingers up in front of her eye. "A little bit."

"I get that it's hard for you to talk about things. But you asked me a question. I can't fully answer it until I fully understand it."

"I just meant... What do we know? Really?"

"Well at the very least I think we both know we're physically attracted to one another."

"Yes." Quinn's eyes were fixed to her lap.

"And I think we can pretty much assume there are some feelings involved."

"How?" Quinn's hands were getting sweaty, especially the one Rachel was still holding.

"Well, if it were only purely sexual for me, I wouldn't have stopped last night. I would have kept going and we would have probably woken up naked. Not that that certainly doesn't sound wonderful, but there are feelings involved, so I didn't want the first time to be like that."

"You said that last night, too." Quinn nearly whispered. "What?" Rachel answered, confused.

"The first time." Quinn responded even lower.

"Oh. Yeah." Neither of them spoke for a few moments. "Wanna freak out now?" Rachel shook Quinn's hand lightly so that the blonde would look up at her, and smiled.

"Not as much as you would probably expect honestly. But what do you mean by that, the first time."

"Can I be honest?" Rachel asked.

"Always." Quinn stole the loaded answer Rachel had given her to the same question the night before.

"Because I feel like something like that, like this..." Rachel picked up their joined hands. "Is a really long time coming for you and I. I thought I would be okay with a clumsy, drunken first time with you because it would prove that you wanted me. But I thought wrong. I think that we owe ourselves a little more than that." Silence encroached them again for a few minutes.

"So what now?" Quinn finally spoke.

"Now we check out of this hotel, go back to LA, and use this week we have left to figure it out." Rachel squeezed Quinn's hand and smiled. "If you think you can handle it that is?"

"You know as well as I, I could have never handled it before." Quinn smiled back at Rachel. "Until now."

The girls got up, got together the few things they had scattered around the room, and hit the road. As they were just about to drive out of Napa, Quinn pulled over She reached in the backseat and pulled out her camera.

"We have to get at least one picture before we leave." They got out of the car and posed in front of the Now Leaving Napa Valley sign.

"You have to make me a copy." Rachel commanded while looking at the picture. "We look good."

"We do." Quinn agreed as she pulled back onto the road.


	8. Chapter 8

Quinn turned the key in the lock to her loft with a laughing Rachel behind her. Rachel had just been poking fun at Quinn's parallel parking abilities causing her to laugh hysterically at Quinn's expense.

"I'm really not that bad. You like ninety seven percent exagger..." Quinn took one step into her apartment, saw the duffel bag by the door, and immediately stopped her playful defensive. Quinn looked back at Rachel as she too stepped into the loft. Quinn didn't say a word, but Rachel could see it written all in the gorgeous hazel orbs before her. Quinn was silently yelling I'm sorry.

"Hey babe." Puck took Quinn by the waist and kissed her fully on the lips. For Rachel, it was like a train wreck, something she didn't really want to see, but she couldn't tear her eyes away. She noted immediately that Quinn's eyes were closed while she kissed Noah, whereas Quinn's eyes had always seemed to remain open while kissing Rachel.

"Hey my Jew babe." Puck hugged Rachel and kissed her cheek. Rachel, always ready for a performance, jumped right into character.

"Hi, Noah." Rachel returned, hugging him back. She looked over at Quinn, who still hadn't said a word since she came through the door. "This is a nice surprise. We certainly weren't expecting you." Rachel saw Quinn's head shoot up in panic. Surely she didn't think Rachel would just tell Noah everything right there. "Are you on a leave of some sort?" Rachel asked as she shot Quinn a get it together look.

"Yes ma'am. I've been a good army brat, minded all my p's and q's." Puck flashed each girl a, what Rachel was sure was supposed to be anyway, a charming smile. "So I got a weekend pass. They let me leave last night so I could fly out here and surprise my lady." Puck walked back over to Quinn and put both arms around her waist, enveloping her in a kind of side ways hug. "You, my little Jew babe, are just an extra bonus." Puck winked at her and she knew it was an invitation. She rolled her eyes at him and looked again to Quinn, urging the shocked blonde to speak.

"Why didn't you call me?" Quinn finally spoke, looking to Puck.

"That's the point of a surprise, babe." Noah kissed the side of Quinn's head disgustingly lovingly. Rachel was surprised at hard this was for her to watch now. "I used my key. I've actually only been here long enough to take a whizz and eat a sandwich."

"So planning on staying here until Monday?" Quinn asked. If Quinn's performance now was anything like her many failed LA auditions, Rachel could see why the beautiful tall blonde had somehow not been able to get a role.

"Red Eye Saturday night/Sunday morning. I have drills Monday morning. I've gotta go back to base and get ~some sleep." Puck reached a large, fumbling hand down and squeezed Quinn's hip bone through her shirt, much like Rachel had done last night. Quinn's eyes instantly shot to Rachel's, the same memory coming to her mind as well.

"Maybe I should go back to New York." Rachel looked through her phone, not really looking at anything. "I'm pretty sure Santana and Brittany just got back from Hawaii for that music video Britt's dancing in and I haven't seen them in weeks. Kurt's probably lost without me. And you guys never get to see each other, I'm sure you'll want your time alone." Rachel walked towards Quinn's room where her suitcases still were. Quinn threw Puck's arms off of her and stepped in Rachel's way.

"Rach, no." Quinn reached out and lifted Rachel's chin, willing her to meet her gaze. "You promised me a week." Rachel looked into Quinn's eyes and saw that she was pleading with her.

"Fine." Rachel stepped around Quinn and continued towards the bedroom. "Nonetheless, I need to get my things from your room since I will now be moving to the couch."

"No." Quinn said, placing her hands on her hips.

"What? " Both Puck and Rachel said in surprise looking to Quinn.

"Rachel was here first. We have planned ahead for her to be here. It's kinda like she already called dibs on the bed. Now I can sleep on the couch, and you and Puck can have the bed, or..."

"We can all share." Puck said grinning grossly.

"Eww, no." Both girls answered at once, and then laughed.

"Looks like youre on the couch, Puckerman." Rachel walked over to poke Puck hard in the shoulder. She knew he would take it as teasing, but in a backwards kind of way, Rachel was claiming her territory.

"You ladies should change." Puck said out of nowhere.

"Why's that?" Quinn inquired.

"Because we're going to go out and celebrate of course." Puck threw each of his heavy arms around the girls' shoulders. "It's not everyday we get three original glee club members together anymore." Rachel shook her head.

"Technically, you two aren't original glee club members."

"Close enough." Puck dismissed. "We're still doing shots. Let's go find a bar."

"I know a place." Quinn volunteered. Rachel dropped her jaw.

"Youre supporting this?" She squeaked at Quinn.

"Personally, I could use a drink." Quinn answered, already halfway to her bedroom to change.

Rachel walked into Quinn's bedroom behind her just seconds later.

"Are you sure about this?" Rachel asked even aa she began pulling dresses from her bag.

"About what?" Quinn played dumb.

"About us drinking together around Noah."

"You and I will drink in moderation while Puck gets completely loaded, trust me." Quinn pulled off her travel closed and replaced them with a thin lacey white summer dress. "Then we'll come back here. He'll pass out, on the couch. We'll go about our business." Quinn itineralized matter of factly.

"You know what we're doing right?" Rachel's voice got serious. Quinn sat on the edge of her bed and met Rachel's eyes.

"Yes."

"And youre okay with that?" Rachel questioned.

"I hate it, for him." Quinn shook her head as Rachel threw her a dress.

"Hold that." Rachel instructed. "Continue."

"I hate it for him. But I have to know for me." Quinn answered honestly.

"What about you? Are you okay with it?" Quinn turned the question around.

"Like you said, I have to know." Rachel had stripped down to her undergarments and stood in front of Quinn reaching out for the short black dress Rachel had chosen. After Quinn placed the dress into Rachel's hands, she drew her attention to one side of Rachel's ribs. Quinn traced a finger along the ink there.

"I noticed this that first night you got here. You were putting your pajamas on, and I saw it."

"It felt right. Still does." Rachel responded of her small Finn tattoo.

"It suits you." Rachel slipped the dress over her head and walked to the mirror to check her reflection. Quinn knew that was all she was going to get about the tattoo from Rachel.

"And Quinn?" Rachel turned around to Quinn as she was about to leave the room.

"Yeah."

"No matter how drunk, our first time will also not be a threesome." Quinn thought surely Rachel must be kidding, like that would ever even be an option with Puck.

"Eww." Quinn replied when she realized Rachel was serious.

"Glad we're on the same page then." Rachel answered, cracking a smile.

"Completely." And with that, the girls went back out to their uninvited guest.

**Author's note: I know I owed you guys a long update so here ya go. Im mapping out a lot of later chapters right now. Next chapter we'll get some more background about Quinn's writing career in LA. As well as find out that Rachel still has some secrets of her own, even some secrets with Puck. (Don't have an aneurysm, nothing sexual) We'll also get to hear from Brittany soon. I love Brittany. I'm excited. Hope you guys like it. I'll update again soon. Thanks as always. You guys are awesome. **


	9. Chapter 9

Puck held the door of the small bar four blocks down from Quinn's apartment open as Quinn then Rachel walked through it. There's was a specials chalk board just inside the entrance, and a small stage against the back wall.

"It's open mike night?!" Rachel squealed jumping up and down and clapping her hands in front of Quinn.

"I thought you might like that." Quinn smirked.

"What have you gotten us into, babe?" Puck placed an arm around Quinn's back.

"I resent that, Noah." Rachel glared at him. "I do think I'll have a drink before I take the stage, though."

"Now we're talking. Let's go to the bar." Puck grabbed Quinn's hand and all but dragged her behind him. Rachel fought stomping behind them, balling her hands into fists.

One drink quickly turned to three for Quinn, who was moderately tipsy but well enough sober to know that Rachel, who was currently nursing drink number five, wasn't exactly pacing herself as planned. Or maybe Quinn was just underestimating Rachel again, she couldn't be sure. It hadn't taken Quinn long to lose track of how many drinks Puck, who was taking shots and drinking beer, had had. Clearly Quinn was going to be the most sober tonight, the responsible one. Quinn looked between Puck and Rachel, cheersing two shot glasses together and throwing them back... And Quinn thought, _screw that _and turned to the bartender.

Rachel

Rachel realized she was slouching and straightened her posture. Her head immediately spun and she knew she was drunk. She turned slightly, carefully, to the left on her barstool to smile at Quinn but fell short. Puck now stood in front of Quinn with one arm outstretched asking for Quinn's hand.

"My lady." Puck beckoned to Quinn. Rachel watched with horrified eyes as Quinn smiled like a damn school girl, and took his hand. She even had the indecency to blush. He made her blush?! Rachel stifled gagging sounds and wished suddenly that Santana were here with her. Santana would have something whitty to say to make fun of the couple and especially a giddy Quinn Fabray.

"That isn't very nice you know?" A brunette girl slid onto the bar stool next to Rachel where Quinn had been sitting moments ago, smiling at Rachel.

"What isn't?" Rachel inquired. The young woman was tall, slender, and very pretty. Honestly she reminded Rachel a little bit of Santana.

"Making gagging noises at your friends. They're obviously disgustingly in love." The girl smirked.

"Don't remind me." Rachel muttered under her breath.

"I'm Avery." She said, holding her hand out.

"Rachel." Rachel was surprised that when she gave the girl her hand in return, she didn't shake it, but brought it up to her lips and kissed Rachel's hand instead. Rachel now understood the pretty stranger wasnt just being friendly.

"It's a pleasure, Rachel. May I buy you a drink?"

"I think I actually need to hold off on another drink for a little while." Rachel laughed.

"How about a dance then?" Rachel looked out at the dance floor where Puck was in the middle of twirling a smiling Quinn, and thought, _why not_.

"Sure." Rachel stood up. "But I must warn you, I'm a professional."

"I dont doubt that for a second", Avery answered, admiring Rachel's ass as she followed her to the dance floor.

Rachel didn't lead Avery to dance right next to Quinn and Puck like one would probably expect. She was more tactful than that. Rachel instead directed Avery to a spot a few feet and a couple pair of dancers away from Quinn and Puck, and began moving sensually to the music. She had been in glee club long enough to know that Quinn's attention would be drawn to her as soon as she started dancing. Quinn would always notice, and then try not to notice, anytime Rachel started to move a certain way. Rachel had to say, too, Avery was holding her own keeping up with Rachel. She kept a casual eye on Quinn as she exchanged small talk and danced with Avery. Rachel hadn't seen the exact moment when Quinn had taken notice to her again, but by the angry flush of Quinn's face and neck, she knew Quinn had finally noticed.

Quinn

"Quinn." Puck tried to get the girl's attention. "Quinn." He tried again. Nothing but a stronger grip on his arm. "Quinn, those nails hurt when you dig em straight into my skin like that." He whined. Quinn realized she had a death grip, nails dug deep into the flesh of his arm.

"I'm sorry." Quinn shook her head, physically trying to shake the images of Rachel dancing all up on a stranger from her mind. "Let's go back to the bar." Quinn said and didn't wait for Puck to respond before walking off the dance floor.

At the song's end, Rachel and her new friend were next to Quinn and Puck at the bar, ordering drinks from the bartender as he returned with the ones the couple had just ordered. When he had left again, Quinn bit the inside of her cheek fighting to be polite through introductions. Quinn knew Rachel was perfectly entitled to dance and spend time with anyone she wanted, but it still had Quinn's stomach knotting up in jealousy.

"So how do you guys all know each other?" Avery asked.

"We were all in glee club together during high school." Puck answered her with his normal charming smile.

"Noah is in the navy now. I'm in NYC, and Quinn is based here in L.A.." Rachel continued.

"So this is a reunion of sorts?" Avery responded.

"Exactly." Quinn answered. The bartender was back with Rachel and Avery's drinks. Avery payed for both. "What do you do, Avery?" Quinn questioned coldly.

"Im a back up dancer for the television show "Making It". I know it isn't a starring role but it's a start." Rachel beamed at Avery's response.

"Oh my gosh, are you serious?" Rachel squealed, smacking Avery's knee. "It's such a small world." Rachel looked, bug eyed, at Quinn, then again at Avery. "Quinn just got a job writing for that show!"

"You did?" Puck and Avery said at the same time. Quinn sat, jaw dropped.

"She did." Answered Rachel for her. "She sent in a few songs she had written for their original song department. They loved it, and hired her on as a freelance writer." Quinn looked shocked at Rachel. She had updated the brunette briefly on her recent career achievements, but she hadn't realized Rachel was paying such close attention. "Quinn is always scribbling in her notebook writing new music. I'd love to hear something." Rachel finished, grinning at Quinn.

"It is open mike night, babe." Puck encouraged.

"I'm sure I'll be dancing to it soon, so Id love to get a listen in now." Avery followed.

Rachel looked at Quinn like she was winning something, knowing Quinn was backed into a corner. Three against one, she couldn't say no. Everything Rachel had said was true. Quinn had sent some music and lyrics into the show, and they had liked it.

The show was about a group of friends and lovers trying to make it big in California. Quinn had seen the pilot episode just after she had arrived in L.A., and it really resonated with Quinn. She was reminded of high school and the glee club by the show, and this gave her plenty to write about. Apparently the producers saw something they liked, and Quinn was suddenly a freelance music writer for one of the hottest new television shows in Hollywood.

"My first song actually debuts during next Sunday's episode."

"That's after I'm already back in New York. Give me a preview?" Rachel pleaded with Quinn, flashing puppy dog eyes at Quinn.

"Fine." Quinn relented and walked up to the stage.

Rachel

"You got this, babe!" Puck screamed behind Quinn. Rachel wanted to poke his eyes out. She watched Quinn mount the stage, and was happily surprised when Quinn took a seat on the piano bench on stage. Rachel didn't even know Quinn could play piano. How long had she been able to? That would seem like an awfully selfish ability to keep a secret throughout glee club. Rachel forgot every other thought, however, when Quinn started to play. She was completely enthralled in Quinn, whose eyes were fixed strictly, confidently, to Rachel's as she began to sing.

"A young honest girl

Telling secrets I couldn't bear to speak

Sent my heart on a whirl

When my head was weak

Flash forward

With a star that bright, there was always something brewing sordid

We were just fighting to get it right

But I couldn't accept that I might

Love her

I think I love her

Through every passing season

She's the reason

To carry on

Just a poor bastard stuck in an unrequited love song"

Rachel felt the tears brimming her eyes as Quinn continued to sing and play soft piano behind her voice. Quinn had yet to break eye contact with Rachel. So Rachel fought every blink.

"I know this song." Avery whispered. "One of the guys that's stuck in this awful kind of love triangle on the show has been rehearsing it like crazy the last week. He's been in love with this girl since forever, but he always..."

"Ssshhhh." Rachel interrupted her. Rachel already knew the real story behind the song. She had lived it.

"Always there to keep me in line

I'd have to be blind

Not to see all the signs

That I

Love her

I think I love her

Through every passing season

She's the reason

To carry on

Just a poor bastard stuck in an unrequited love song

Here I am

Here I am

All I am

All I am

Just a poor bastard stuck in an unrequited love song

Youre my love song"

Rachel wiped tears from her cheeks as Quinn ended the song and did the same. Quinn stood, finally breaking eye contact, and half ran to the bathroom. Rachel turned around to see if Puck had seen the exchange, fortunately he was too busy flirting with a waitress to notice his girlfriend crying on stage.

"I should check on her." Rachel told Avery, pointing towards the bathroom.

"Yeah, by all means." Rachel could tell Avery was no fool, and certainly more observant than Noah. She had a look in her eye, almost like pity. "And Rachel?" Avery stopped her with a hand around her wrist, "Good luck." She gave Rachel a sad little smile, and released her hold on Rachel's wrist.

Rachel pushed through the door to the women's room and found Quinn white knuckled and red faced grasping one of the small sinks. Rachel leaned her back against the sink next to Quinn.

"That was beautiful." Rachel began cautiously.

"Don't. " Quinn muttered through clenched teeth.

"I'm simply complimenting you for a job wel..."

"Rachel, damn it." Quinn smacked her hand against the side of the sink, interrupting Rachel. "I'm telling you not right now". Rachel jumped at the noise and near growl of Quinn's tone. It had been a very long time since Quinn had used a tone of voice like that with Rachel. Rachel placed her hands on her hips and stomped her foot once.

"Why?"

"I just need a few minutes to calm down, Rachel, or a very different side of me is going to make an appearance". Quinn still hadn't looked at Rachel. Rachel recognized the old threat between Quinn's words as her tone became more and more familiar. But Rachel wasn't the frightened sixteen year old she once was.

"Because youre vulnerable? Because you sang that song?" Rachel's voice was rising. "Or is it because your boyfriend out there couldn't give you his attention for a full two minutes without hitting on whatever happened to walk past." Rachel was pretty much yelling by the end of the question that she spoke as more of a statement. Seeing Quinn with Puck tonight, real or not, brought out insecurities in Rachel she didn't even realize she had. Quinn finally released her grip on the sink edge and turned to face Rachel. She immediately realized, however, the Quinn that faced her now, was not the Quinn she had been with for the last eight days. Quinn looked at Rachel, almost through her really, with cold eyes and straight lips.

"Yep, that's it." Quinn said, stepping closer to Rachel.

"What?" Rachel responded, momentarily forgetting their conversation.

"I'm so upset because before I could even get halfway through my song, my _boyfriend's_", Quinn enunciated the word, "attention was pulled away by some waitress's ass". Quinn didn't flinch or blink the entire time she spoke. The only movements she made were the steps she took closer to Rachel, bringing them nearly nose to nose by Quinn's last words. Rachel stared back into the cold, blank hazel before her, and she knew she had messed up. She pushed too far. She should have turned around and walked straight back out that door when Quinn had warned her. Rachel saw how close Quinn was to the edge, but she kept pushing anyway. As the bathroom door slammed shut, leaving Rachel alone, she knew she had lost her.

When Rachel had made her way out to the bar again, Quinn and Puck were both standing next to the door. Rachel got the hint and joined them, eyes on the floor. They walked the few blocks back to Quinn's with the couple in the lead and Rachel shuffling awkwardly behind them.

When they arrived at the locked loft door, Quinn dropped Puck's hand she had been holding to search her purse for her keys.

"I see you still aren't wearing your ring." Puck casually noted. Quinn's back immediately stiffened as she looked back for a brief second at Rachel.

"Not now, Puck." Quinn warned, shooting another quick glance at Rachel as she opened the door.

"Oh, babe, don't worry. My little Jew bro knows all about my proposal." Quinn turned around, jaw dropped, and looked from Puck to Rachel.

"You didn't really think he picked out that ring himself, did you?" Rachel asked Quinn matter of factly.

**Author's Note:**

**I tried to give you guys a longer chapter this time, instead of breaking it up into a couple. As always, thank you all so much for reading, following, reviewing, and all that you do. You guys are all great. :) To PinkDrinksForAll, thank you so much for your honest opinion and for your suggestions. I'm still learning a lot about this as I go. Thank you all for bearing with me and helping me along the way. Much much love to you all. Please continue to leave reviews, give me your suggestions and opinions, and all that jazz. :) More soon.**


	10. Chapter 10

Rachel closed the loft door behind her. Quinn still stood gaping in the middle of the kitchen. Puck was already on the couch flipping through television channels.

"I'm going to bed." Rachel told them as she walked into Quinn's bedroom and shut the door like it was her apartment.

"What's up with her?" Puck asked, never taking his eyes from the tv.

"I can't believe you asked Rachel of all people to help you propose to me!" Quinn screamed, stepping in front of the television.

"Whoa whoa. What's the big deal, babe?" Puck rose both his hands in the air like he was trying to surrender. "I thought since senior year, you and Rachel have been good. I mean, you text her more than you talk to anyone else, Santana and Brittany combined. I thought Rachel would be the best person to ask because she knows you best." Puck's voice was shaking. It was like fuel to the fire for Quinn. She still had it. She could still make a grown man piss his pants if she really wanted to.

"You should have asked Santana. " Quinn began.

《《 Rachel

《《《 Rachel had clumsily changed into her pajamas, and now lay on Quinn's bed in darkness listening to Quinn still screaming at Noah outside the door. Every once in a while she would hear a stammering Noah try to reason with Quinn, just to be spoken over by her again almost immediately. Noah seemed to learn a little faster than what Rachel expected, and soon just kept his mouth shut.

《 It got quiet outside the bedroom. Rachel prayed the couple weren't out there making up. She was also afraid that Quinn might have decided to sleep with Puck instead. Or perhaps Rachel's door slamming had been a little too well performed and Quinn thought herself not welcome in her own bedroom. Just as Rachel was about to have a full fledged panic attack, she heard the door open. Rachel hurried to shut her eyes and lay unmoving before the sliver of light from the opening door could reach her. She hadn't planned to feign sleep beforehand, but it in the moment that's what happened. She could hear Quinn fumbling around, presumably changing from her bar dress. There was a loud thud.

"Oww. Shit." Quinn whispered. Rachel could listen and tell Quinn was hopping on one foot. So she must have stubbed her toe, probably on the small wooden chest just inside the door. Rachel felt a dip in the bed quickly followed by, "Rachel Berry, there is no way you are asleep right now".

"So?"

"So... You really think we don't have anything to talk about? "

"Maybe."

"Will you at least turn around and face me?" Quinn requested. Rachel released a dramatic huff of air and lazily rolled over.

"It isn't like you can see me." Rachel stated.

"As you put it just a minute ago: so?"

"Haha". Rachel mock laughed. "So youre good Quinn again now?" Rachel sounded bitter. Quinn's outburst earlier had really shaken Rachel. Seeing, hearing Quinn be so much like the sixteen year old Quinn in the cheerios uniform, it was frightening. Quinn could regress into the old HBIC so quickly, flawlessly.

"I deserve that. And.I'm sorry. But in all fairness, I did try to warn you to back off." Quinn reasoned.

"I know you did... I should have listened to you. I take my part of the blame. It was just... Startling, slightly, to see you stare so blankly at me like that again. So unfeeling."

"The ironic thing is, even though it seems like that's when I'm the most uncaring, it's actually when I'm hurting the most." Rachel couldn't see Quinn in the darkness, only a very faint outline, but she knew Quinn wasn't looking anywhere near Rachel's eyes. Although Rachel knew it made Quinn uncomfortable, and even through every curveball that had been thrown at them throughout the near decade they had known one another, Quinn continued to open up to Rachel. But what she was confessing now, Rachel already knew.

"I know."

"Really?"

"Really."

"How?" Quinn asked.

"You get to know a person after that long being around and paying attention. I'm highly observant and you've been a fixture in my life for nearly a decade." Rachel explained. "I just know things about you."

"Things like what kind of wedding ring I'd like?"

"Damn I walked right into that, didn't I?" Rachel tried to joke.

"Seriously, though, Rachel. What the hell?"

"What the hell what exactly?"

"Why did you do it?'"

"He asked. "

"And you couldn't say no?" Quinn questioned doubtfully.

"For what reason, Quinn? What reason could I possibly give for not aiding a dear friend when he asked for help with my obvious best friend?" Rachel was thankful now that the lights remained off. She could feel tears rimming her eyes already. "Should I have told him I couldn't because, even though we always just seemed like enemies or close friends, it's more than that? Even though, at the time I wasnt a hundred percent that it was more? Until I came here, I didn't know you wanted anything but Noah".

"Yeah, but you did come here, and you didn't say a word about the engagement."

"Neither did you, and you weren't wearing the ring. That was my first clue."

"Your first clue to what, Rachel?"

"That maybe I wasn't too late." A silence fell over them. Rachel used the time to wipe her tear stained cheeks before she continued. "Like I told you in Napa, I had to know, I have to. I figured I would come here, get a feel for things, maybe something would happen between you and I, maybe it wouldn't. And if nothing did, if you choose Puck, I'll still always have that ring. Every time I have to see the two of you, I'll also see that ring on your finger. I'm sure it sounds insane, but as long as youre wearing that ring, and youre smiling, I'm still a part of your happily ever after." Rachel took a deep, steadying breath. "I just want you to be happy, even if I'm not the obvious cause for your happiness. The ring just gave me a way to be able to help contribute. Of course, I never thought you would find out that I'd helped Noah. I was counting on him to take all the credit." Quinn took everything Rachel had confessed in for a moment.

"Youre an idiot."

"Excuse me?" Rachel involuntarily jerked her foot as if to stomp.

"Youre an idiot. Everything you just said."

"I was being honest. That was actually really hard for me."

"I'm sure it was and while I do appreciate it, youre still an idiot." Quinn's tone wasn't harsh. That, at least comforted Rachel a little. "You say you didn't know for sure, and that you wanted me to be the one to show you that I wanted something out of this." Rachel felt Quinn move her hand between them. "But from the first day you got here, all you've done is flirt and be very forward. Sure maybe I kissed you first but you in every way made it happen. Changing in front of me, all of the cuddling and open conversation, getting me drunk... None of that was innocent." Quinn was right. All Rachel had wanted to do was be available. She hadn't come here to lead Quinn into anything. The goal had been to follow her into something, if she chose it. But Rachel had led her. She held Quinn's hand and walked her blindfolded straight into something between them.

"Youre right. I'm sorry." Rachel dropped her head.

"Don't be. Not for everything at least. I wish you would have went about things a different way, but I'm mostly happy with the results so I can't bitch too much." Rachel couldn't help but grin, but she knew it wasn't over yet.

"And the ring?" Rachel gulped.

"The ring I kind of understand honestly. I mean, I never wanted you to marry Finn, but I was in a wheelchair for months because I was so eager to put on a bridesmaid dress and support you if really made you happy. I wanted to be there, to be apart of it, even if I didn't want you to do it."

"You didn't get me drunk and almost lead me to third base to try and change my mind though, either."

"No, but I did flat out tell you that you shouldn't multiple times, and asked you all kinds of loaded questions before I finally agreed to come. Honestly, the fact that you picked out the ring just makes me want to wear it, but we both know I can't do that. No matter how warply romantic."

"If I'm being honest, I've kind of been doing stuff like that for as long as I've known you."

"Stuff like what?" Quinn asked, confused.

"Like giving Jacob Ben Israel a pair of my underwear so everyone wouldn't find out you were pregnant."

"I assumed you did that for Finn."

"Why? The only real reason he didn't want people to know was because you didnt."

"That's true I guess."

"And I picked out your corsage for junior prom." Rachel rushed out.

"Wait. What? Finn took me to prom that year."

"He did, and I told him what to get for you. Gardenias tied with a light green ribbon to match your eyes. Do you know what the gardenia flower means Quinn?"

"No."

"I wouldn't have thought so."

"Rude."

"I meant no offense."

"Well. What does it mean?"

"Look it up sometime." Rachel teased.

"Oh dont even. I will get up, get my phone, and pull Google up right now." Quinn rose off the bed to sit up, before Rachel's arm was thrust in front of her chest like a mom in a car at a sudden stop.

"Don't." Rachel pleaded.

"That's what I thought." Quinn said with obvious chagrin as she lay back down. Rachel didn't remove her arm. She only moved it down slightly lower to rest on Quinn's abdomen. "So, tell me what it means then." Quinn demanded.

"Okay but you can't be weird about it."

"Why would I be weird about it?" Quinn was confused again.

"Just... Promise me."

"I promise."

"They mean secret love."

"Oh."

"Yeah." Rachel began to pull her arm away, but Quinn rose her own hand and placed it over Rachel's to stop her. Once Rachel had lay her arm back down across Quinn's stomach again, Quinn laced their fingers together.

"We're both idiots." Quinn laughed lightly, making Rachel giggle, too.

"So it would certainly seem." The girls laughed together for a moment before reality started to set in again.

"I have to do something about Puck." Quinn stated.

"Don't feel pressure from me to make a decision about him now. I understand that even though you want to see where the next week takes us, that you also have a good thing with Puck. You should still get to have that if you decide to when I go back to New York. Of course I do want you all to myself, but you should really take time in making that decision. I don't want us going into this unless we're both completely sure."

"I at least need to find a way to get rid of him. I don't want to waste two more of my days with you with him here. If we're really going to give us this sort of trial run for the next six days, you shouldn't have to see me put on the show that is my relationship. He's gotta go."

"I'm definitely not going to argue with you." Rachel responded. "But how are we going to get rid of him?"

"Leave that to me. I'll take care of Puckerman."

"Nothing sexual." Rachel commanded, squeezing Quinn's side lightly.

"As if." Quinn deadpanned. "He and I... We don't... We aren't as intimate as you probably think."

"Whaaattt? No way." Rachel was shocked. "You guys have been together for _years._ You havent slept together that whole time?"

"We havent. I explained to Puck that I want to wait for marriage, and he mostly respects that. It is the biggest reason our relationship has always been so off and on, though. I'm sure that he has his own life and his own other women around the air force base, but it keeps him off my back so much so I don't care much."

"Wow." Rachel could barely believe it. "Has there been anyone else?" Rachel wasn't sure if it was okay to ask

"Not in a really long time, since before Finn died, like freshman year of college." Quinn told Rachel.

"Me too."

"You too what?" Rachel kept confusing Quinn tonight.

"My last time being... Intimate with someone, it's been a couple years, since around the time Finn died." Rachel could tell Quinn hadn't expected this by the girl's stunned silence. Seemed they both had reason to be surprised tonight, in many more ways than one.

《《 About half an hour passed as the girls continued to chat. Eventually they could hear Puck snoring from the living room.

"I'm sorry about him, and for how I was with him." Quinn apologized.

"We're past that."

"Really?"

"Really." Rachel confirmed. "Quinn?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sleepy."

"You want me to hold you, don't you?" Quinn laughed.

"Maybe."

"Come here." Quinn lay her arm out so Rachel could lay on her chest. "Let's sleep."

《《《,Quinn let herself sleep for about three hours, then was up again. She wasn't quite sure how to get rid of Puck, short of just telling him to leave, hurting his feelings, and making him suspicious. She could, however, get her and Rachel away from Puck. Maybe. So, she started making phone calls.

《《 Rachel awoke to the sound of Quinn's voice floating in from the next room. Once she had begun to get her bearings, Rachel listened intently.

"I'm sorry, Puck, but I can't help it. I had no idea you were coming this weekend. Plans had already been made." Rachel heard Quinn say.

"I still don't see why I can't just..."

"No," Quinn interrupted him. "This was a planned girls' weekend. You do not have a uterus so you weren't invited." Rachel was confused. What plans? A girls' weekend? Rachel certainly knew of nothing of the sort.

"Why didn't you mention it yesterday?" Rachel heard Puck ask.

"It would have made the whole day we did have sour if I'd told you." Quinn reasoned. The bedroom door opened to a fully dressed Quinn Fabray.

"Get up." Quinn commanded when she saw Rachel was awake.

"Good morning to you, too."

"Good morning, Rachel. Now get up." Quinn threw clothes at Rachel. "I already packed your bag."

"Where are we going?" Rachel questioned while she changed her clothes.

"Uhh..." Quinn stammered, staring at Rachel.

"Perv." Rachel said and threw a pillow at Quinn.

"Your fault." Quinn threw the pillow back on the bed. "We're meeting Brittany and Santana in San Fran for a girls' weekend."

"Was this really already planned?"

"No, but I had to find a way to get us away from Puck. And I genuinely miss the rest of the unholy trinity. "

"Do they know, Santana and Brittany, about you and I?"

"They don't know that anything has changed between us. I just told Santana that Puck crashed your vacation and we needed an excuse to get away from him. She made some snarky comment about how I just miss her and you can't go a week without her, and said her and Britt would book a flight."

"She's ridiculous. I went over a week without her. Her and Brittany had been gone before I even came to LA." Rachel defended, walking around to double check Quinn had packed all her things. "I do miss her, but don't ever tell her that."

"I won't tell on you if you don't tell on me."

"Deal."

《《 Once Rachel was ready, the girls waited for Puck to pack.

"I'd let you finish your weekend here, Puck, but I know there'd be a different girl in my bed every night."

"Come on, babe. You know I wouldn't do that."

"I know you would, and you do."

"Not in your bed." Puck muttered. Quinn pretended not to hear. They said their goodbyes, put Puck in a cab, and started their drive.

《《 A few hours later, they were at the hotel's front desk getting their room keys, when Rachel pulled out her credit card to pay their bill.

The clerk looked at Rachel confused, "The bill has already been taken care of ma'am". Rachel looked to Quinn.

"You aren't the only one doing pretty well for herself. Come on." Rachel could only smile and nod. She caught up to Quinn, walking behind the bell boy, and laced their fingers together. Quinn didn't say anything, but gave Rachel's hand a gentle squeeze.

《《 Immediately upon entering the room, Rachel felt a heavy weight jump on her. She released a small scream before she realized it was Brittany hugging her.

"Sorry, Rach. I didn't mean to scare you. It's just been so long."

"No, it's okay. I missed you too, Brittany." Rachel hugged Brittany back now. "How did you guys beat us here?"

"Are you kidding?" Santana spoke and Rachel saw her for the first time since entering the room. "Quinn called us at five this morning. We caught the first flight out at her insistence. We've been here a while"

"Sorry, it took us longer to leave than I anticipated." Quinn explained.

"Puckerman put up a fight?" Santana asked.

"A little." Quinn answered, and then Brittany had jumped on her, too.

"Quinn, it's been even longer since we've seen you." Brittany squeezed her tight. "Santana doesn't do hugs so I have to hold you extra tight for both of us."

"So what do you have planned for this weekend, preggers? Cause I know you didn't drag us down here for nothing." Quinn rolled her eyes.

"Keep pretending you aren't happy to see us." Quinn stated sarcastically, making Santana roll her eyes back. "I actually do have some things planned. We have a spa appointment in thirty minutes." All the girls agreed that this sounded like a perfect way to start their spontaneous trip.

《《 Rachel wasn't expecting it when they got to the spa and Quinn had signed them up for two separate couples massages. She was really shocked, however, when, after removing her clothes and putting her cottony soft robe on in her private dressing area, she stepped into the massage room to find an identically robed Brittany waiting for her.

"Did I go into the wrong room?" Rachel looked around.

"No, you were right." Brittany answered innocently.

"Did you go into the wrong room?" Rachel asked, confused. Brittany laughed at her.

"No, silly." Brittany said like it was obvious. "Santana wanted time to talk to just Quinn, and I like having alone time with you, too." Rachel felt her stomach turn hearing that Santana wanted to talk to Quinn alone. That probably only meant one thing, trouble. "Besides, just because San and I are a couple that doesn't mean you and Quinn have to be stuck together like one, too. That wouldn't be very fair since you guys aren't a couple." Again, Rachel felt her stomach do some aerodynamic exercise. Brittany was right. Rachel and Quinn weren't a couple. To Brittany and Santana they weren't anything but old friends. "I'm thinking we should start the massage, cause you kind of look like youre going to puke." Brittany finished with a quirked eyebrow.

Both girls lay down and began their massage in silence. Rachel felt like an idiot for just assuming it would be Quinn in this room. Anything that they might be was a complete secret. Why, though, did Santana want to speak to Quinn privately? You could chalk it up to just friends catching up, but Rachel knew Santana better than that.

"Brittany?"

"Yeah, Rach?"

"I know that youre a lot smarter than most people think, and I know you usually know a lot more about what's going on with people than you usually let on."

"Thanks, but I'm pretty sure you want to ask me something so you should just ask. No flattery necessary."

"See? That's what I mean. You pick up on things that maybe aren't always so obvious."

"It's true. I always know when people are lying, too. San says it's a gift and a curse. But I'm still waiting for your question."

"What do you know?" Rachel finally asked point blank.

"I know lots of things. Please be more specific."

"What do you know about Quinn and I?"

"Youre my best friends in the whole world after Santana?"

"You know what I mean?"

"Well, I don't know anything for sure."

"Okay, what do you think then?"

"You won't be mad? And you won't tell Quinn?"

"No and no."

"Santana found the letter."

"That's what I was afraid of"

"She read it, but I didn't. I wouldn't let her tell me anything about it. If Quinn took the time to write you a letter, I figure it's personal."

"I can't believe her." If the soft hands kneading into her back didn't feel so good Rachel would have gotten up and given Santana a piece of her mind. "I can't believe she read it."

"In all fairness it was just laying out on your bed."

"What was she even doing in my room?!"

"Ohh... No comment."

"You didn't. Brittany, you didn't have sex in my bed."

"I never said that."

"Ugh. I hope you at least washed the sheets."

"Uhhh..."

"I'm going to kill Santana."

Quinn

Quinn lay perfectly still face down on a massage table as a pretty blonde middle aged woman worked Quinn's tense leg muscles. She did her best to relax but Santana only lay a couple feet away and Quinn knew there was going to be a barrage of questions sent her way any minute.

"So, preggers..."

"You do realize I haven't actually been pregnant for a long time right? My daughter is almost six years old."

"Woah, seriously? It doesn't at all seem like it's already been that long. Obviously I know you aren't still pregnant. But you'll always be pregnant to me. Just like no matter how disturbingly provocative Berry's wardrobe gets, to me she's forever wearing argyll animal sweaters and tights."

"Hey I liked the sweaters and tights." As soon as she'd said it, Quinn knew she had stepped in it. Word vomit that gave Santana a direct line to nosey-ville.

"Oh I know you did." Quinn could practically see Santana's smug face.

"Santana, I swea..."

"Let me stop you." Santana interrupted. Quinn wouldn't be surprised if the Latina still raised her finger in the air as if to wave it in Quinn's face. She was tempted to check, but stayed still and allowed Santana to continue. "I'm just giving you a hard time, which I can't promise won't happen, a lot. That's just what I do, make a joke out of everything to make it easier. What I can promise you, though, is that I'm not here to pressure you, in anyway. I'm dying to know all the sordid little secrets of why Rachel Berry suddenly demanded a vacation after three years barely even taking a day off, just to come to LA to spend two weeks with you. But I figure once youre ready and the two of you get whatever's going on figured out, you'll tell me. And if you don't, Rachel will tell Britt and Britts will tell me." Santana giggled snidely. Santana couldn't say something nice without also throwing something completely contradictory in at the end of it. She was telling Quinn that she would find out somehow, eventually. Which was probably absolutely true, Quinn was sure. "In all seriousness, if youre calling Britts and me down here, I figure youre pretty desperate. Like maybe youre afraid youre gonna screw something up for yourself in that awful self deprecating way you do. Obviously I know youre into chicks, and honestly I knew a long time before our inevitable hook ups, but I get that there's totally a difference in acting on it and actually accepting it. So I'm here for you, whatever you need. This is all a long time coming if you ask me." Quinn was stunned. When Santana had said she had something to discuss with her, this wasn't at all what Quinn had expected. She was prepared for Santana to ask her a battery of questions lined with ill hidden insults. Quinn knew Santana had a good heart, deep down, but it was easy to forget about when you weren't in the moment. Quinn still felt like there was something more that Santana wasn't sharing, but it was hard to tell from voice alone. She couldn't be sure. Quinn realized something puzzling Santana had said.

"Wait. You said Rachel demanded time off? She told me she just got a vacation."

"Oh girl, no. She threw a full blown diva fit. Told the producers either they could find her a decent understudy and give her the time off or she could quit and take it anyway. I figured something was happening with her dads or there was some medical emergency. I knew something was really up when I found out she was here."

"I wonder why she lied to me?"

"Please, like you would have told the truth."

"True."

Rachel

Rachel redressed after her massage more stressed out than she had been when she was first in the small room alone. She had no idea what she was walking out to. Had Santana told Quinn about reading the letter? When she finally arrived back in the spa lobby where the other girls were waiting, Quinn was laughing along with Santana and Brittany. Rachel was pretty sure if Santana had told Quinn anything, she wouldn't be cracking jokes. Rachel breathed a sigh of relief as she approached the girls. Brittany must have noticed Rachel's trepidation because when Rachel stood between her and Quinn, Brittany took Rachel's hand in her own.

"I'm starving. Can we eat now?" Brittany suggested.

"I'm about to eat a little hobbit alive, and not in the fun, wanky way we all know she wishes, if she doesn't drop my girl's hand." Santana threatened. Rachel immediately tried to untangle her fingers from the blonde's, but Brittany only squeezed Rachel's hand tighter.

"Actually San, I'm holding Rachel's hand, and in a completely non threatening way. I could totally understand how you'd be threatened by Rachel, she is really hot. But we're just friendly I promise. Our hearts both belong to other people." Rachel looked up awkwardly at Quinn, in awe that Brittany had actually said that aloud. Rachel could feel her cheeks burning.

"Gag me." Santana responded, rolling her eyes at Rachel and Quinn's reaction to Brittany's statement. Brittany apparently didn't get the joke, though, and thought Santana had something very different in mind.

"But, San I'm sooo hungry. And if I'm going to gag you, Im sure Ill be tying you up, too. That's what you usually ask for, anyway. So I really need to get my energy up. Can we eat first?" Brittany sounded so innocent, even when talking so dirty. Santana hid her reddening face in her hands.

"Oh... My... God." Santana shook her head back and forth in her hands while she spoke. "Can we please get this girl some food while I still have a little dignity left?"Rachel and Quinn were both doubled over with laughter.

"I don't get it." Brittany said sadly.

"It's okay, baby." Santana assured Brittany, kissing her cheek. "These two idiots are just jealous that they don't have our sex life." This seemed to make some sense to Brittany. Both Rachel and Quinn almost instantly stopped laughing and shared some more awkward eye contact.

"That's actually pretty smart, though. I'd totally be jealous, too if it weren't me." Brittany replied.

"Exactly." Santana smiled. Quinn cleared her throat.

"Let's go get dinner." Quinn insisted, making Brittany hop up and down in place with glee. "Preferably somewhere with a bar."

"Amen." Rachel agreed. After Quinn placed the car in park and pulled out, she reached over to take Rachel's hand in her own, and lay their joined hands high on her own thigh.

"Awww." The girls heard come from the backseat.

"How freaking char..."

"Shut the hell up, Santana." Quinn interrupted her, gave Rachel's hand a squeeze, and turned the radio up from her steering wheel. Rachel looked down at their joined hands, and couldn't help but smile. Quinn was holding her hand in front of their two best friends, and she hadn't even had a drink yet. This might turn into a good night after all, Rachel thought to herself.

Alcohol, four loose lipped girls, who are all attracted to one another, and filled with secrets. Safe enough. Right?


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's note: I apologize for my sloppiness last chapter. I was posting in a hurry and I forgot to take all my personal notations out beforehand. I was about to start three days of double shifts and only had a few minutes left to get something out for you guys. This chapter should be much better as far as errors and stuff like that goes. This is a BIG chapter, a lot happens and faberry get much closer. I know it's taken a while but it's a long one and I hope you all enjoy it.**

Quinn pulled into a small sushi bar that had a sign out front boasting the best priced wine in the city and live music. She knew all the other girls loved sushi as much as she did, and since no one else could decide on anything, she figured it was a pretty safe choice.

"This place looks like a dive." Santana groaned as they all got out of the car.

"Maybe you shouldn't be so quick to judge a book by its cover." Rachel teased.

"The music at least sounds decent." Santana noted of the faint beat they could already hear approaching the restaurant door. It wasn't what any of them expected. The girls walked in to what appeared to be an upscale japanese restaurant and bar. Whereas from the outside, the paint was flaking away from the exterior, several of the bulbs for the letters in the advertising sign were blown, and the parking lot had been littered with giant potholes. It seemed this was one extreme example of not being able to judge a book by its cover. The lighting was very low, almost dark, as was the decor. The aged brick walls had been painted over to some shade simular to burgundy. Black and white photographs, mostly of landscapes and some shots of old homes and properties, in thick black frames hung all around the walls. Looking around the room, Rachel noticed there was one color photo for each of the four walls, seemingly placed randomly. One hung in a shadowed corner. From what she could tell from a distance, it looked like these photos were also the only ones to be centered around people. She had the instinct that the walls here told a story somehow. Rachel instantly loved the place for its mystery, and amazing interior design. She missed Kurt in this moment, wishing he were here to appreciate it with her. In the middle of the building were four long black granite topped tables barely standing off the ground. There were pillows in every pastel you could fathom all around each table. Taking in the people already seated, each person had two pillows, one to sit on and one to put their shoes on. Rachel imagined their laundry was awful. There were three white candles burning on every table, one at each end, and one in the middle. "Wow." Brittany whispered from beside Rachel as the other two girls talked to the petit Asian woman that greeted them.

"I know." Rachel whispered back just as the band began to play again. The band was made up of two guys, one on drums, one on guitar, and a girl that looked like she could be related to the woman Quinn and Santana were talking to, playing the piano. There was no stage. They stood at the back of the room instead. The music was a sort of soft indie style that suited the place perfectly.

The tiny middle aged woman Quinn and Santana had been conversing with now walked towards Rachel and Brittany, with the other two girls in tow. The woman, who was obviously in charge, couldn't have been more than five foot two, and well under a hundred pounds soaking wet, Rachel guessed. Her sleek dark hair was braided, rolled up into a circle, and pinned to the back of her head. When her hair was loose, Rachel would bet it fell well beyond the middle of her back. She wore a big smile and walked with a bit of a limp.

"Hello, girls. My name is Selia." She shook each of the girls' hands. "If I can just see some identification please to verify you are of age..." Rachel and Brittany both showed her their licences. "If you all want to please remove your shoes, and find a seat, dinner will start shortly." The woman smiled and ushered them forward before disappearing into the back somewhere. The girls took a seat in the middle of one of the tables where people were already sitting, one couple on each side. A young man dressed in slacks, a white button up, and a bow tie walked over to them, putting down four wine glasses.

"Red or white?" He asked each of the girls as he filled up their glasses and they all thanked him.

"We don't get menus?" Brittany asked.

"We don't need them, apparently. Selia told us they offer group dining at certain times everyday. We happened to walk in twenty minutes before scheduled dinner. We paid one fee for unlimited wine and food, kind of like at a buffet. They'll bring all the food out, place it on the tables, and we'll all eat together." Quinn explained. "Selia said if there is anything we especially like just to let her know and they'll bring out more for us, same with the wine."

"I feel like we're in Harry Potter, waiting for food to appear in the great hall." Santana surprised everyone by saying.

"Totally." Brittany answered while Quinn and Rachel picked their jaws up from the floor. "They even have stars on the ceiling." All the girls looked up and realized Brittany was right. There were glow in the dark stars all over the ceiling. It was unexpected for such a nice restaurant, but it added an air of casualness that was welcomed.

"Selia's daughter insisted they put those up there when they first opened this place." An older woman sitting a couple of pillows down from the girls told them with a slight accent. "Been about sixteen years ago I guess. I can't believe they've lasted this long." The woman extended her hand. "Sorry, I didn't mean to eavesdrop. I'm Ruthie." Rachel shook Ruthie's hand first, introducing herself and then the other three.

"Sounds like you come here a lot then, Miss Ruthie?" Rachel asked.

"Please, just Ruthie. Though, I do appreciate your good manners. You don't see that enough in the youth of today."

"Preach." The gentlemen next to her concurred, also in an accent, making all the girls crack up.

"This old man next to me is Butler, my husband." Ruthie laughed, pointing to the man who had spoken. "We are the proud parents of one of the owners of this fine establishment." As Rachel listened and studied the couple as Ruthie spoke, she saw a flash of sadness travel through both their eyes at the mention of their child. "Our daughter came here with her partner many years ago. Eventually, after they had opened this restaurant and become comfortable in their finances, they made it possible for us to join them here in America. They sent for us, and, of course, we came. The distance was terrible, and things are much different in our home than they are in your free country. It was no choice, really, to accomadate to our daughter's wish, especially with our new and only grandbaby here as well. So, we packed only what was necessary, boarded a plane, and we have been here ever since." Ruthie smiled while her eyes still looked to be fighting tears. Butler put a supportive hand on Ruthie's back.

"The girl playing piano now, is she your grand daughter?" Rachel questioned, hoping to brighten Ruthie's spirit back up.

"Yes, yes." Ruthie answered as the older couple both turned to beam at the young girl playing piano and harmonizing with the lead singer. "Her name is Abigail, but she has always been called Abe. Our daughter liked boy's nicknames for girls. Isn't she a beauty?"

"She is." Rachel agreed. "She looks very much like your daughter." Ruthie turned back towards Rachel, but didn't meet her eyes.

"Selia isn't our daughter." Ruthie corrected. Butler moved his hand from his wife's shoulder and placed it on her leg under the table, where Rachel was sure he was probably squeezing it in reassurance.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I just assumed when you said your daughter was one of the owners."

"She is." Ruthie sounded on the verge of tears now. "Or, she was. Our daughter was Selia's partner. She carried Abe while Selia provided the egg. But she died a couple of years ago." Ruthie looked up to meet Rachel's eyes for the first time since she had started her sad explanation. "I hope the personal life choices of the propriators of this restaurant doesn't change your view of the business or the people in it." Rachel knew Ruthie was talking about her confession that her daughter had been in a romantic relationship with Selia, obviously also a woman. They had built a life together, had a child together. There was no way for Ruthie and Butler to know it, but these four girls were the last people they had to worry about prejudice from. Santana immediately rose her and Brittany's already joined hands to the top of the table. Quinn looked at Rachel before linking their own fingers together on the table top, making Rachel smile lovingly back at the blonde. It was Santana that responded first this time.

"I think all my girls here will agree with me. I feel nothing but respect for a couple that left their home, came to a completely foreign place, made a life together while starting a family and running a successful business. Plus they brought what I can already tell are two bad ass parents, excuse my language, to live the better life they had made with them. If anything, we love the place more now. I am sorry for your loss, though."

"Thank you, both for your apology and your kind words."

"Yeah, we would never judge anyone for who they love." Brittany spoke up. "That would be totally hypocritcal since the four of us are all varying degrees of lesbionic." Santana laughed. Quinn nearly spit out the drink of wine she had just taken. Rachel squeezed Quinn's hand she still held and handed her a napkin from a small pile in the middle of the table, all the while grinning like a fool.

"I think what Brittany is trying to say, is that love is love. And we happen to understand that more than some people might." Rachel tried to clarify for the older couple.

"So you're both couples then?" Ruthie questioned. No one answered for a moment, not sure how to. No one expected Quinn to answer first.

"Brittany and Santana have been together pretty much since birth. Rachel and I have been close friends for years but just recently decided to work on something more." Rachel smiled from one ear to the other and placed a quick kiss to Quinn's cheek.

"Well, you both make very attractive couples." Ruthie said. Just then, the boy who had poured their wine returned and set a small, round plate down in front of each of them. Shortly after, he was back again, this time with Selia closely following. They put a bowl of creamy, thick soup down on each of the diner's plates. The boy dissapeared again while Selia walked to the back of the room and signaled the band to stop playing.

"Your first course is served, ladies and gentlemen. If you need anything, Antony will be somewhere close by, feel free to ask." When she finished, the band started up again, and Selia left through the same door she had entered, which Rachel now assumed led to the kitchen. Rachel looked down at the soup as its smell invaded her nostrils. It smelled and looked delicious. Rachel couldn't be sure it was vegan friendly, though, and the boy Selia had deemed Antony had not yet returned for her to ask.

"You can try it, Rach." Quinn read her mind. "I asked when we first came in. Everything served tonight will be vegan friendly, except for a few of the sushi rolls which I have been assured will both be prepared and served seperately." Rachel couldn't help but beam at Quinn. Quinn had thoroughly proven that she knew Rachel well in many ways. This was just another instance on that list. Also, just the fact that she had thought to and taken the time to even ask, to make sure. She had literally read Rachel's mind when she saw Rachel's apprehension at the bowl in front of her. Rachel had a hard enough time getting people to understand when she did speak, let alone when she didn't.

"I have never wanted to kiss you so much as I do in this moment." Rachel whispered into Quinn's ear. Quinn turned to whisper back into Rachel's.

"Really? Never? Not even when you were on top of me in that hotel room?" Rachel couldn't believe her ears. She looked over at Quinn, who was grinning mischievously through the blush on her cheeks.

"Quinn Fabray, are you talking dirty to me?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. I was just asking a question." Quinn teased.

"You two are gross." Santana interrupted.

"Please, like we haven't both had to live through a lot more than just dirty talk from you and Brittany." Quinn returned.

"It's true, San. They've both walked in on us so many times."

"And to that I say, you're welcome." Santana winked at them both before slurping down her soup. All of the girls shook their heads at her, but let it go, and continued with their meals.

Soon, the sushi rolls began to come out one tray at a time. Rachel was happy to see that Quinn was right, and all the non-vegan rolls were labeled as such. Once all the rolls were placed in the center of the table, everyone started to dig in. All conversation stopped as everyone enjoyed their food. The only noises that could be heard, aside from the band, were the occasional "mmm"'s, "ahh"'s, "yum"'s and forks raking against plates. By the time the dessert rolls and varying pies with ice cream were brought out, Rachel was so full she felt that if she took one more bite she would probably explode, but she did anyway.

After dinner, they all sat around the table sipping wine and talking more with Ruthie and Butler, as well as the other diners. Rachel couldn't remember a time when she felt so at ease, just comfortable. Quinn had linked their hands together again immediately following dinner, as did Santana with Brittany's. Ruthie told them more about their daughter, whose name they found out, was Hetti. They learned the reason behind Selia's limp. When they were teens, Hetti and Selia had been holding hands, walking home from a date in the early stages of their relationship, when they had been attacked. Three grown men had seen the girls' joined hands, and nearly beat them to death. Selia, who had thrown her own body protectively over the even smaller Hetti, had taken the worst of the bashing. She was in the hospital for two months, having to go through rehabilitation therapy to walk again. Hetti was by her side the whole time. The ordeal sealed their relationship, and she would be by Selia until the day she died. It was breast cancer that took her, in the end. Both Ruthie and Butler cried as they spoke proudly of how hard their daughter fought until her last breathe, making all the girls cry along with them. Even Santana had to wipe a couple of rogue tears from her cheeks.

Mostly though, they spoke of happy memories: meeting their grand daughter for the first time, watching their daughter during the commitment ceremony that gave them another daughter, who had felt like one for a long time already. The color photographs contrasting all the black and white around the walls, Ruthie explained, were just a few of those happy moments caught on camera. They were the only change that had been made since Hetti's death. Ruthie and Butler agreed that the pictures were a necessary addition, bringing Hetti closer to them, they felt.

"Now this chatty woman has told you our whole life's story... but we yet know little about you four such nice young ladies." Butler observed after a while.

"Well, we..." Rachel started before Brittany interrupted her.

"Wait. Before we start our story, I really have to pee."

"Okay, Britt Britt, I'll go with you." Santana started to get up, but Brittany held out her arm to stop her.

"As grateful as I am for you knowing I would get lost if I went alone, I think I want Rachel to go with me this time." Brittany leaned down and gave Santana a quick kiss on the lips. "But I love you."She smiled down at the brunette and walked over to Rachel, holding out her hand to help the diva up.

"You're on thin ice, hobbit." Santana growled. There was a thud under the table, followed by an "ouch" and a glare at Quinn from Santana.

"Ignore her." Brittany winked at Rachel. "It's girl talk time." Rachel took Brittany's hand and stood.

"What are we then?" Quinn asked.

"Uhm..." Brittany faltered. "The other girls?" With that, Brittany started to walk away, then hesitated, turning to Rachel. "Can you lead because I wasn't joking about me getting lost?" Rachel smiled and dropped Brittany's hand so that she could link her arm through the taller blonde's.

"I love you, Brittany." Rachel gushed.

"Aww, I love you, Rach." Brittany kissed Rachel's cheek. "If you weren't so so short, I would put my head on your shoulder right now. You've got good shoulders." Rachel laughed, having no idea what the compliment actually meant, but it was a compliment none the less. She thanked Brittany as they approached Antony and Rachel asked him where the ladies room was located. He pointed them towards a black door near where the band stood. The door led to a hallway with simular decor but brighter lighting, with two more doors to their right, and one at the end of the hall. They passed the first door, which was labeled Men, and pushed through the second when Rachel saw it read Women. They each went into a stall, did their business, and met again at the sinks to wash their hands.

"You and Quinn are so cute together, Rach. I'm really glad you guys finally decided to give being more than just friends a chance. I know Quinn has thought about it for a real long time." Brittany spoke so casually, like they had been in the middle of a conversation on the subject.

"Thank you, Brittany. But what makes you say that, that you know Quinn has thought about us starting something romantic for a long time?" This wasn't the first time Brittany had mentioned this. She assumed Brittany just meant in the same vague way that Rachel herself had always kind of known there was a little something more behind Quinn Fabray's icey glare.

"Gosh, that would be a really long time for us to stay in this bathroom if I listed off everything that let me know how much Q has wanted you for... like ever." It never ceased to amaze Rachel how quickly Brittany could go from sounding like her usual self, to speaking surprisingly intelligent. "But I'll tell you a couple things now and maybe you can ask me again later when there isn't wine and hot former cheerleaders waiting for us." Rachel nodded her head in agreement. Honestly, she was missing Quinn a little bit already. Shit, Rachel thought to herself. I'm fucked. Normally she probably wouldn't be so quick to vulgarity, even in her own mind, but she had no idea how many glasses of wine she had had. Eating so much had helped to delay it, but Rachel could feel the alcohol quickly catching up to her. "So, there was this time, I don't know if you'll remember or not, when Mr. Schue made us all use those robot chairs like Artie has to have. He made us do a number in them, but I lost mine." Brittany leaned closer to Rachel and lowered her voice. "Don't ever tell Artie or Mr. Schue, but I didn't really lose it. I gave it to Patches, the homeless guy that barks at my mom. Robots really scare me. It's taken a long time for me to trust Artie. And, truthfully, I still look for his off switch sometimes."

Rachel tried very hard not to laugh, because she knew this was serious for Brittany. Rachel was pretty sure she knew when Brittany was referring to. In it's first year, the glee club did a performance of "Proud Mary" in wheelchairs. "You don't have to be afraid. Artie would never hurt a fly, and those chairs actually help people who can't walk. But Brittany, I have to ask, what does any of this have to do with Quinn and I?"

"Ohh yeah." Brittany face palmed her forehead and shook her head. "I completely forgot that was where I was going with this story." Brittany laughed at herself, and it made Rachel laugh at her, too. Brittany was like that, infectious. "Do you remember what was going on during that time when we were in those wheelchair thingys?" Rachel tried to remember anything that might be significant.

"Uhm... Finn and I were still in the beginning stages of our eventual relationship. Though, he was still technically dating Quinn, who was pregnant and still lying to everyone about who the father really was." Rachel continued to think. "Mr. Schue was going through hi..."

"You already said what's important." Brittany interrupted. "All that stuff that was going on with Quinn, with her and Finn and Puck. I'm quiet a lot. People don't really ask for my opinion because they assume I'm too dumb to have one. So I watch people. The whole time we were in those chairs, anytime we were all together, Quinn was right next to you. She never went to Finn or Puck. She wheeled herself right over next to you. Or like, in the choir room, all the time, Quinn would walk in, there would be like a zillion open seats... even ones next to her at the time boyfriends, but she would sit right next to you, like it was the most natural thing in the world. Little stuff like that, all the time, for almost ten years. Like Santana said this morning after Quinn called, I'm really proud of Quinn for finally dropping some balls." Rachel nearly choked in laughter at this, not at all expecting something so brash to come from Brittany.

"I guess I noticed some things, but I could never really be sure, you know? Honestly, I feel like I'm still kind of catching up now. It doesn't really feel real, like I'm still waiting for her to throw a slushie in my face." Rachel said once she had gotten control over her laughter.

"But Quinn never slushied you, Rach. She couldn't." Rachel thought about it. Brittany was right. Rachel couldn't remember one instance when Quinn herself had thrown a slushie Rachel's way. Rachel smiled, and linked her arm again through Brittany's.

"You are so smart, Brittany."

"Don't tell anyone. It'll ruin my reputation." Brittany deadpanned, making Rachel burst out in laughter once again as they excited the bathroom.

"Thank you." Rachel got serious.

"No problem." Brittany kissed the top of Rachel's head. "Everyone needs a little reassurance sometimes." Rachel walked into the dining room much more sure of herself than when she had walked out of it. Her face immediately lit up upon seeing the back of Quinn's head. She grinned at herself as Brittany released her arm to skip back over to Santana. Quinn turned slightly in her seat to look at Rachel, who was just about to take her seat, but took the oppratunity to place a quick, soft kiss square on Quinn's lips. Rachel sat down as Quinn looked at her, speechless. Brittany clapped her hands excitedly, and Santana rolled her eyes, but smiled nonetheless.

"So..." Rachel started. "What were we talking about?"

"Quinn and Santana were just bragging on you." Butler answered.

"I don't know what he's talking about." Santana gave him a wink.

"We didn't realize we were dining with a Broadway star." Ruthie gushed. "We would love to hear something."

"Are you sure the band wouldn't mind?" Rachel jumped at the chance.

"Not at all. Just tell Abe what you want to sing. I'm sure they'll know it."

"Quinn, would you join me?"

"Rachel, I couldn't tell you the last time I performed in front of anyone."

"For me?"

"Fine." Rachel jumped from her chair and gave Quinn her hand. They walked up to the band and Rachel told them the song. She looked at Quinn to make sure she knew it, and Quinn knodded with a gulp. The boy that had been playing the guitar, pulled two microphone stands to the front of the stage, each girl taking her spot behind them. The band began to play, and Rachel, holding her mike stand and staring at Quinn, pointed for Quinn to start.

"If I didn't know better I'd hang my hat right there If I didn't know better I'd follow you up those stairs"

Rachel began to sing with her, keeping eye contact.

"Stop saying those sweet things You know I like to hear The horns are blowing louder The balif's strolling near Why do I keep drinking Wasting my time on you If I didn't know better" Rachel leaned closer to Quinn as only Quinn sang the next line before Rachel would pick back up alone.  
"But damn it I do."

"There's a hole in what you're saying I can plainly see You've a lover that's waiting But baby you're right here with me" Rachel rubbed her hand down the length of her torso as Quinn sang the next verse for them to take turns.

"Oh you might as well be the devil Keeping me up past three."

"Oh why don't you keep drinking Give me one night with you"

"If I didn't know better But damn it I do."

"Baby you're right here with me." Rachel finished. As everyone clapped, she embraced Quinn tightly. "Something for you to think about." Rachel winked at Quinn.

"Okay, even I need a cold shower after that." Santana told them when they came back to the table.

"It is pretty late." Quinn observed. "We should probably get back to the hotel."

"Mhm." Santana groaned. The girls gave hugs to Ruthie, Butler, and Selia, and thanked them again.

"Are you sober enough to drive?" Rachel asked Quinn as she slid into the passenger seat.

"After that performance, definitely." Quinn laughed and started the car.

From the preview they had gotten in the car, there was no doubt in Rachel's mind what Santana and Brittany skipped off together alone to do as soon as the car was in park without so much as a goodnight. Quinn and Rachel walked through the hotel lobby in silence. They rode the elevator up to their floor, and walked down the hallway to their door without speaking or making eye contact.

"So..." Quinn finally spoke once the door had closed behind them, but still didn't meet Rachel's gaze. "How sober are you?" Quinn kicked her foot against the ground and put her hands behind her back. She still wouldn't look at Rachel. All this with Quinn's tone of voice, and Rachel immediately picked up on Quinn's meaning. She took a step closer to the blonde.

"Sober enough." Quinn's head shot up at that, and she took a step closer to Rachel.

"Are you sure?" Quinn reached out and took Rachel's hand as Rachel took the final step closer.

"Are you?" Rachel asked. Rachel could feel Quinn's hand shaking in her own.

"Completely. But dont let that aff..." Quinn was cut off short by Rachel's lips on her own when Rachel launched herself at Quinn mid sentence. Quinn responded instantly by wrapping her arms around Rachel's back to help hold her up as Rachel straddled and clung to Quinn's hips. Quinn turned around and backed up as she continued to meet the quickening pace of Rachel's lips. She put one hand out in front of Rachel's back until she felt the wall, and placed Rachel's back against it carefully. Now that they had the wall as leverage to help hold Rachel up, Quinn used the advantage to run both her hands down Rachel's sides, down and around her thighs. Rachel moaned and broke from their kiss. She kissed down Quinn's neck as she tried to catch her breath, and sucked lightly on Quinn's pulse point. She moved her hands, which had been wrapped tightly around Quinn's neck, to Quinn's chest and squeezed firmly. Quinn groaned loudly, making Rachel capture her lips again in a passionate kiss.

"Bed. Now." Rachel managed to get out between kisses. Quinn complied and began backing up until they fell onto the bed. Rachel squeled a little as they fell and when they hit the mattresse, both girls laughed. They scooted to the top of the bed, where Rachel lay on her back. Quinn didn't kiss Rachel, though. Instead, she took Rachel's hand into her own again, rubbing a pattern there with her thumb and staring down into the brown orbs below her. Rachel studied Quinn's eyes in turn, trying to determine what was bouncing around behind them.

"What is it?" Rachel finally asked nervously. "Are you having second thoughts?" Quinn grinned at Rachel's selfconsciousness, because it was actually exactly the opposite.

"Not even close, beautiful." Quinn leaned down and pecked Rachel on the tip of her nose. "I just wanted to slow down for a minute and clarify something. Tonight, right now, this isn't just us having sex. I'm going to make love to you, Rachel Berry, if you let me." Quinn swallowed, took a deep breath, and dropped her gaze. "If that isn't what you had in mind for this, if you just wanted some one nighter or a fuck buddy, I'm sorry, but I don't think I can do that." Rachel breathed a sigh of relief, and her heart swelled. She reached out and picked up Quinn's chin to regain eye contact.

"Quinn Fabray, if you don't stop being the worst kind of tease, and make love to me right now, I very well may fly back to New York tonight." Before Quinn's smile could even reach one ear to the other, she was kissing Rachel again.

Both girls' hearts were racing just a couple of minutes later when Quinn's hands hit the naked skin of Rachel's stomach. Rachel arched herself up into Quinn.

"Off." Rachel demanded as she rose off the bed slightly and Quinn lifted off her shirt. Quinn kissed Rachel's neck and shoulder as she removed Rachel's bra, then leaned back to look at the brunette.

"You are so... gorgeous." Quinn stammered.

"Thank you." Rachel blushed. "Yours?" Quinn only knodded. Rachel mimicked Quinn, but, feeling brave, moved lower to remove the blonde's bottoms as well, as Quinn did with Rachel's. They sat and looked at one another's completely naked bodies for the first time, reaching out to touch the other innocently. After a few minutes of this, and feeling the tears threatening to spill over in her eyes, Quinn cupped Rachel's cheek in her hand and kissed her tenderly as she lay Rachel back down on the bed and positioned herself over the brunette.

Soon, their bodies began to move together. As their hands and mouths got braver, their moans got louder. The moans turned to the screaming out of names, "Oh God"'s, and varying profanities. Not even a third of the way in, Rachel was positive that she had never before said the word fuck so much in her entire life, accumalated. Rachel was surprised to find that Quinn actually seemed to know what she was doing, which Rachel hadn't expected at all. Against her nature, Rachel allowed Quinn to lead, be more dominate, for a little while at least, before flipping Quinn onto her back instead. The night went back and forth like that, each of them vying for dominance like the stubborn personalites they were. Truthfully, they were both really just that eager to please the other. Quinn had a running count going in her mind of how many orgasms she had given Rachel so far. Rachel left mark after mark all over Quinn's pale body, claiming her, but Quinn only urged her on. They explored every part of one another's body until they were exhausted. Then they continued on, kissing and touching one another. They found themselves laughing often. It was a comfortability that neither had ever known previously.

As the sun began to shine through the windows, Rachel lay on Quinn's chest while Quinn played with her hair, their arms tight around one another and their still naked bodies tangled together.

"Quinn, I..." Rachel paused.

"I know. Me too." Quinn answered for her. Both girls fell asleep with a warmth in their hearts and smiles on their faces.

A few hours later, there was a faint thud, followed by someone jumping on their bed. Rachel woke, seeing who it was, and grinned. She kissed Quinn's cheek lightly, and the blonde groaned before she opened her eyes.

"Brittany! What the hell?!" Quinn screeched.

"You got us hotel rooms with adjoining doors." Brittany responded excited.

"Yeah, but I didn't ask for any wake up calls."

"Quinn! Be nice."

"Yeah, Q, it's the afternoon."

"We're naked under these sheets." Quinn told Brittany this expecting her to retreat from the room. But instead, Brittany looked from Quinn to Rachel, who knodded her head, and Brittany began to clap and jump on the bed again.

"San!" Brittany yelled. Santana came running in in a bra and cheer shorts with her toothbrush still in her mouth like she was ready to kill someone.

"What? I thought someone was dying."

"No, but Q and Rach finally had sweet lady lovings." Brittany's smile stretched from ear to ear. Quinn shook her head and buried her face in the covers. Rachel just laughed.

"Like I didn't already know that from everything we heard last night, all night. So, you two finally did the dirty... Congrats." Santana walked over to the bed and hit Quinn's foot through the cover. "Now get up. You aren't the only one who had a work out last night and I needs my breakfast. Come on, Britts. Let these lesbos get dressed."

"I'm super happy for you guys." Brittany said as they left the room. Quinn still didn't uncover her face so Rachel put the covers over hers as well.

"Quinn?"

"Hmm?"

"You aren't... You don't regret anything do you?" Quinn finally met Rachel's gaze and pulled the tiny diva closer.

"Not at all. I just didn't feel like dealing with them yet." Rachel let out a sigh of relief.

"Good. Scared me there for a second."

"No need. Though if we aren't dressed when they get back, I imagine Santana will be pretty scary."

"Five more minutes?"

"Ten." Rachel reached up to capture Quinn's lips in a passionate kiss.

**Author's note: The song used is "If I didn't know better". I always listen to the Clare Bowen version but Im pretty sure it's originally by The Civil Wars.**

**Thank you for all your reviews and everything, as always. You guys are great.**

**As for all four of the girls hooking up, I don't see that happening. So nothing to worry about there. As for the letter, I've never said definitively whether or not Rachel has read it. There has been a lot of insinuation but nothing for sure. And Puck, pinkdrinks said it best by saying Quinn has always believed Noah to be her best fallback, or second choice. She can be more herself with him than with any other guy. She's not going to let him go until she knows for certain she doesn't need him anymore.**

**And PinkDrinks, as always thank you so much. A great deal of this story's development can be credited to you. I look forward to your next review.**


	12. Chapter 12

Author's Note: I'm trying something new in this chapter. I've been working on the idea of more of a background for this faberry, kind of how I would like to think it went in cannon behind close doors haha. I hope you guys enjoy.

The girls had breakfast in a small cafe down the block from their hotel, where Quinn laid out her plans for them for their day, shopping around the city. All the girls agreed that this would be a great way to spend their last day in San Fransico together. They decided to walk as opposed to driving, to further take the city in, despite Santana's protests on the matter. This seemed like a good idea, until the girls had about five shopping bags each on their arms and had no idea where they were.

At the last small boutique, the four of them bought matching bracelets to commemorate their spontaneous adventure as per Santana's suggestion. She tried to play it off like it was all Brittany's idea, saying that Brittany had whispered the suggestion into her ear. Brittany's face immediately displayed nothing except confusion, but after a sideways glance from Santana, Brittany played along. In the end, they were all able to agree on a thinly knotted leather bracelt with a small black button clasp. Each girl took their time to remove the tag and put the bracelt on before leaving.

They had been walking for hours, going from shop to shop, not paying any mind to the time or what turns they were making. So by the time they excited the shop and all their arms were heavy and their stomachs were growling, they decided to take their bags from the day back to their rooms, and then find a restaurant to have their last dinner together. When they stepped outside and looked around, however, they realized they had no idea where the hotel was, or how many blocks away.

"Hey, it wasn't my fault this time." Brittany grinned.

"It's no one's fault, babe. We were just having a good day." Santana gave Brittany a quick kiss on the lips after she spoke. What had gotten into Santana today? She was actually being... nice. Quinn couldn't help but smile, knowing this part of the girl fondly. She knew she couldn't fill both hands full of people that got to see this version of Santana. It was one Quinn had gotten to see more than most, outside of Brittany, and the one that she had the happiest memories of with the latina. She knew better than to call the girl on it, though, as she was sure Rachel surely did, too, after living with Santana for so long.

"Well, I know we crossed the street to get over here. Start there?" Rachel suggested. Quinn dropped her bags on the sidewalk, and pulled out her phone.

"I have gps." Quinn stated, scrowling through her phone.

"Oh yeah." Rachel and Santana said in unison while Brittany just looked cluelessly between them. Quinn slipped her phone back into her tightly fitted jeans, and picked up her bags again.

"Rach was right. We cross the street, walk four blocks, make a right." Quinn informed them. She moved all her shopping bags to one arm and looped her free one through the closest of Rachel's, before looking both ways to cross the street.

"We make a right, and there's the hotel?" Rachel asked hopefully.

"We make a right, walk about two and a half more blocks, make another turn or two, and then we're there." Quinn answered.

"Oh my God." Santana said. All the girls looked around at one another for a moment, making a silent decision.

"Taxi." The four of them said in unison simultaneously throwing four arms into the air.

Quinn and Rachel stood in their hotel room sifting through their shopping bags. They had agreed to meet Brittany and Santana in an hour downstairs so that both couples could get freshened up after their long day out. Quinn was pretty sure the suggestion had come from Santana just so that her and B would have an easy excuse for a quickie before dinner. Quinn was starving, but welcomed the time alone with Rachel, who was currently pulling each of her purchases from the day from their bags and showing them to Quinn again, even though Rachel had made sure to get Quinn's opinion before she bought every piece. Quinn plopped down on the bed and watched Rachel get excited all over again about each purchase. She was adorable, Quinn thought, smiling. When all her bags were empty, Rachel turned to Quinn.

"Don't you want to unpack yours?"

"Nah, I'll do it later." Quinn answered mischievously. "Come here." Rachel moved closer to the bed at Quinn's beckoning, standing in between the blonde's spread legs and putting her arms around her neck. Quinn pulled her down into a passionate kiss immediately. "Lay with me for a while?" Rachel answered Quinn with a tender kiss before moving to the top of the bed, laying down, and patting the bed next to her. Quinn lay on her back next to Rachel and Rachel lay her head on Quinn's chest, as she always did. Quinn wrapped both arms around Rachel as she kissed the top of the smaller girl's head. Rachel played nervously with the buttons of Quinn's blouse. "What are you thinking about so hard down there?" Quinn finally asked.

"There's something I was never able to tell you before. I don't really know why, but it felt like if I ever talked about it, I would be breaking some unspoken promise we had made. I think... I think it's probably okay now, though." Quinn tensed up beneath Rachel, all her muscles constricting in worry.

"Go on." Quinn encouraged through gritted teeth. Rachel raised herself up on one elbow to look at the girl.

"Nothing like that." She rubbed her thumb softly along Quinn's jaw line. "Just, you would have probably gotten angry a few years ago, but I think you have made enough progress in your feelings for that to not be the case now."

"Alright." Quinn relaxed, just a little.

"Thank you." That was definitely the last thing Quinn expected.

"What?" She asked, searching Rachel's eyes. She looked deep into those brown orbs but could find nothing but sincerity, maybe also a little worry of her own. "If you're going to thank me for being so mean to you because it motivated you to chase your dreams, please don't. I was awful and I can't apolog..." Rachel interrupted Quinn's self conscience ramble with a firm and lingering kiss to the lips.

"No." Rachel corrected when her welcomed interruption ended. "We've talked about that, I think. We're past that. Or I am anyway, and you should be, too. You've more than made up for it." She kissed Quinn again chastely.

"Then what?"

"Thank you for all the times that we would never ever talk about afterward, or even acknowledge." Rachel hinted, wanting Quinn to figure it out for herself.

"That could be all kinds of things, Rach." Quinn whined. "Holding a door open for you or laughing at some of your dumber jokes... coming here this weekend, not telling anyone about your tattoo..." Quinn rambled on.

"I am grateful for all of those things, yes. But that isn't what I am referring to presently." Rachel grinned. She was getting a serious kick out of making Quinn guess and the whiney attitude it brought out in the blonde. "Think bigger."

"I have absolutely no idea what you are referring to presently." Quinn puckered out her lower lip, visibly pouting at Rachel. "Please, baby." Quinn begged.

"You just called me baby." Rachel beamed, making Quinn blush slightly.

"Mhm." Quinn knodded her head against the pillow causing her long blonde hair to poof up at the back of her head. Rachel had to fight giggles. "Please tell me, baby." Quinn pouted again. Rachel shook her head, smiling all the while. She knew once she had given Quinn the reveal, however, the light hearted atmosphere of the room would probably change. She put her head back on Quinn's chest, too nervous to meet those hazel eyes. Quinn must have sensed Rachel's apprehension. She wrapped her arms tightly, protectively around Rachel and lay her cheek against the top of the smaller girl's head. Quinn knew Rachel would speak when she was ready, so she waited patiently for the other girl's confession.

"Shelby." Rachel almost whispered after what felt like an hour of loaded silence.

"I still feel like that's too vague." Quinn whispered back. "I"m sorry. I'm trying." Quinn could tell that this was clearly something that was hard for Rachel to talk about. If it involved Shelby, Quinn had no doubt that it was. Though they had made progress over the years, Rachel's mother always remained a sore subject. She wanted to understand already, so Rachel could feel more at ease again and in turn, she would as well. But saying she was thanking Quinn for something involving Shelby? Was Rachel thanking her for not going through with telling Principal Figgins about Shelby and Puck? For encouraging Rachel to try and have a better relationship with Shelby after high school? She couldn't be sure and nothing she could think of would warrant such trepidation from Rachel now. Well, there was one instance that came to Quinn's mind that might make Rachel nervous to discuss, but they didn't talk about that, ever. Rachel sighed, pulling Quinn out of her thoughts.

"Thank you for things like Shelby, and bringing me that cabbage soup and herbal tea everyday when I was sick and couldn't sing and we all thought I was going to have to have my tonsils out." Rachel rushed out. "Thank you for trying so hard to talk me out of marrying Finn, and for calling me first when you woke up after the accident that put you in a wheel chair on the way to my wedding." Rachel could feel the tears threatening to spill over in her eyes, but she had started now. She had to keep going. "For going to the doctor with me that day when I was considering a nose job because you were the only person that respected it was my decision and still supported me. More than that, for locking your car doors that day in my driveway after the appointment and giving me that speech before you would let me out and drop me off..." Rachel was openly crying now, but she was doing her best to keep it quiet. "Do you remember what you said to me that day? After the plastic surgeon showed us the composites of me with your nose?" Quinn took Rachel's hand, interlocking their fingers. She thought back to that time, her own tears already threatening her eyes.

"I made you look at me, and I told you that you were beautiful, that you always had been, and you always would be, whether it was with my nose or yours."

"And then you said: But I see my nose everyday in the mirror and I might miss it a little if yours just wasn't around to always get in the way anymore." Rachel finished for Quinn, laughing a little through her sniffles.

"Exactly." Quinn confirmed. "I'm glad you didn't do it."

"So am I. Times like those, that's what I'm so grateful for. We could be in the middle of the biggest fight at school, but still, when I needed someone the most you were always there for me." Rachel continued. "Making me win prom queen senior year when I had lost all my confidence, being there for me like you were when Finn died, calling me everyday those first couple weeks and answering everytime I skyped you crying my eyes out. There are more times than I can count... You were always there, even if it was behind closed doors and never spoken of again, until now."

"Until now." Quinn repeated back to Rachel encouragingly.

"It was always you. Oh God, Quinn I've been so stupid." Rachel was sobbing now and shaking her head against Quinn's chest. She felt like she had wasted so much time, time they could have had spending like this, wrapped up together, open with one another.

"Rachel, baby?"

"Yes?" Rachel whimpered. Quinn let go of Rachel's hand to tug her chin upward so the brunette would have to look at her.

"You were not stupid. If anything, I was the idiot out of the two of us. I could have opened my mouth years ago, but I bullied you instead. Just like you told me, those times are over. We're past all that, and we're here now. Together and so completely in..." Quinn bit her tongue quickly. She coudldn't believe she had almost let the word love slip from her mouth. Sure, there had been insinuation between the two of them on the matter, but it hadn't been said outright and Quinn did not want to be the first to do so. "Well, you know." She said instead, wiping Rachel's tear stained cheeks. She leaned up to kiss the tip of Rachel's wet nose. "I'm really glad you didn't have that surgery." She reitterated, making Rachel laugh a little.

"Me too." Rachel rest her head back down against Quinn's chest, snuggling impossibly closer to the taller girl. "That was exhaustingly emotional. I feel like I could fall asleep right now." Rachel yawned out. "How much longer do we have until we have the meet the other girls?" Quinn turned her head to look at the alarm clock on the nightstand behind Rachel.

"We've still got about half an hour before we need to be walking out the door."

"Lay here fifteen minutes, then get changed quick?" Rachel proposed.

"Deal." Rachel sighed happily into Quinn's chest as Quinn played with her hair in an attempt to further comfort the girl, as she always did when Rachel was upset, before they would head to their last dinner of the trip with their best friends.

Flashback Sophmore year

Quinn sat in the high rows of Vocal Adrenaline's auditorium with Mercedes and Rachel, where they couldn't be seen. When Rachel had asked Quinn to go with her on the spy venture, she only hesitated for a moment before saying yes. She hadn't realized Mercedes was going too, until the girl had asked Quinn to ride with her, saying she didn't think she could stand a car ride with Rachel. Quinn had to say yes. There was no excuse she could give for wanting to ride with Rachel instead. So they met outside of the auditorium before sneaking in.

Vocal Adrenaline were amazing. There was not one foot or one voice out of step. It was intimadating. Their coach didn't seem all too pleased, though, and stood for her own performance to show them how it was done. The woman could sing, that was for sure. Quinn was surprised she was singing here and not on some broadway stage. Rachel had grown uncharacteristically quiet. Quinn looked over to the brunette as Rachel suddenly stood.

"Get back here." Quinn whispered at her, not wanting them to get caught. But Rachel didn't listen. She walked right down to the front of stage. When the performance was over, Quinn listened intently to try to hear what Rachel was saying.

"Did she just say that their coach is her mom?" Mercedes asked Quinn.

"I think so." Quinn answered, confused.

"Well, I think that's our cue to leave." Mercedes said, standing.

"What?"

"We came here to spy on our opponents. I think rehearsal is probably over after that little revelation. Let Rachel deal with her drama."

"You go ahead. I'm going to wait and make sure she's okay."

"Say what?"

"She could be too upset to drive home herself. If she wrecks and dies, we really won't have a shot at ever beating them."

"Mhm." Mercedes responded, already walking out.

"And Mercedes?"

"Yeah?"

"You tell anyone I stayed here for her, and..."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. You'll make my life a living hell, even with that baby in your belly." Mercedes waved her hand in the air dismissively, and left. Quinn waited a few minutes, watching Rachel and Shelby take seats rows apart, and start talking. Quinn couldn't really make out anything that was being said, and the heat up in the stands was making her feel like she was going to hurl. So she walked back outside to the parking lot, leaning against Rachel's car to wait for her.

Not much longer later, Quinn stood up straighter as Rachel approached her car crying her eyes out.

"Quinn? I... I thought you left with Mercedes. I saw her car was gone." Rachel wiped her cheeks trying to compose herself. Quinn couldn't help herself. She looked around the parking lot quickly to ensure no one would see them, and walked over to Rachel, placing both her hands on Rachel's shoulders.

"What did she do? Did she hurt you? Was she mean to you?" Quinn could feel her whole body heating up with anger. "Because I'll go right back in there and kick her ass, pregnant or not." Rachel looked up at Quinn, clearly surprised at the blonde's reaction.

"No, no. She... She just doesn't want to pursue a relationship with me." As Rachel said the words, she broke down again, burying her face in her hands and sobbing loudly.

"Ssssh ssshhh." Quinn hushed, pulling the smaller girl into a firm hug and holding her for a few short moments. She leaned back, raised each of her hands to cover Rachel's, urging the girl to look at her. Rachel dropped her hands, where Quinn interlocked their fingers of both hands by their sides, and looked up at Quinn, who was close to tears herself. "I'll drive you home, okay? You are in no state to drive right now." Quinn was trying to comfort Rachel, but she could have sworn she saw a flash of panic shoot through those brown eyes at the mention of going home.

"I can't go home yet. My dads will be able to tell something is wrong. I'll have to tell them everything and it will become an even bigger deal."

"Okay, so we'll kill some time. Go to the park here or something." Quinn suggested, knowing they would be much less likely to run into anyone they knew in this town as opposed to finding somewhere to waste time in Lima. Rachel still looked unsure. Quinn watched as Rachel's eyes traveled to their sides, where they were still holding hands, and shot back up quickly.

"Are you sure? Are you supposed to be driving? I don't really know all the rules for teen pregnancy." Rachel rambled nervously, making Quinn laugh a little. She gave each of Rachel's hands a reassuring squeeze.

"I'm positive, and I can still drive." Quinn released Rachel's hands reluctantly and walked over to the passenger side of the car, opening the door for Rachel. This made Rachel smile, and, as she sniffled and wiped at her face again, she slid into the passenger seat. Quinn closed Rachel's door and walked to the other side of the car to take the driver's seat. She had to move the seat back almost all the way, whereas Rachel had it all the way up.

Once they were driving down the road, Rachel tried to make sense of everything that had just happened, with Shelby, and with Quinn. Rachel very much wanted to ask Quinn why she was doing all this. Quinn had seemed genuinely worried over Rachel. It was like Quinn was trying to take care of her. But why? Everytime Rachel started to open her mouth to ask the question, though, she quickly closed it again. She was afraid if she spoke the question aloud to Quinn, or called attention to the pregnant girl's sudden personality change, it would break whatever spell Quinn was under. Quinn would most likely lash out, respond with nothing but anger. Accuse Rachel of being unappreciative for questioning her, say something like she was only trying to be a friend and not to worry, it wouldn't happen again. Rachel could pratically hear Quinn saying that in her low, intimidating tone of voice already. Rachel knew most of Quinn's attitude came from some deep rooted feeling of needing to protect herself, even from her own emotions. So she decided not to jinx Quinn's sudden kindness with questions. She was still very curious, though, and wondering about Quinn gave her something else to think about other than Shelby. Rachel instead decided to see just how long she could ride it out with this version of her beautiful blonde bully.

Rachel had been staring out the window, trying to stop the last of her tears from flowing, since they had gotten in the car. She looked over at Quinn for the first time since she had gotten behind the wheel, and saw that Quinn's knuckles were white from clenching the steering wheel so tight. As she searched over Quinn's face, she could tell that Quinn was gritting her teeth slightly by the motions of her jaw. The blonde stared straight ahead, watching the road, though Rachel was sure Quinn could feel her staring. As if Quinn had heard Rachel's thought and was trying to affirm it, Rachel watched a deep pink blush color Quinn's pale cheek, but she still didn't say anything, or look away from the road ahead.

"Quinn?"

"Hmm?" Quinn said through her still gritted teeth.

"Could you... Could I hold your hand again, possibly? It's just... it helped for some reason." Rachel kept her eyes on Quinn, who almost instantly finally looked over to meet Rachel's eyes. Quinn kept eye contact with Rachel for just a few seconds but Rachel had an eerie feeling like she had just been interrogated.

Quinn studied Rachel's eyes to see if the girl was being genuine, or if she was just making a move, like in chess. Quinn knew Rachel had to be at least slightly in shock that Quinn was even here with her, but she hadn't said anything or asked any questions. Quinn was more than grateful for that. She knew she wouldn't have a real answer for any of Rachel's most likely questions. Why? Quinn had no idea why. She had tried to figure out why she cared so much for the diva she usually pretended to hate for what felt like forever, never to any avail. She coudln't explain what always drew her to Rachel. She just fought it, usually. Not today. After what Rachel had went through today, no one deserved to have to be alone after that. Anyone would deserve a little comfort.

Rachel continued to watch Quinn as hazel eyes went back to focusing on the highway. Quinn didn't say a word. She gave no real response other than looking at Rachel for those few short seconds. Rachel figured her request had been dismissed and Quinn was going to just ignore it. She was about to turn back to the window, when she saw Quinn's hand turn over where it had been laying palm down on her thigh. Quinn moved her now open hand to rest on Rachel's thigh instead. For a moment, Rachel could only stare, smiling down at the pale hand on her tan leg. Quinn wiggled her fingers slightly, and Rachel remembered what she was supposed to be doing. She placed her own smaller hand in Quinn's and locked their fingers together. She then stared at their joined hands for a few seconds, before looking over to Quinn with a smile on her face.

"Thank you." Rachel almost whispered when she saw that Quinn was grinning just a little, too.

They didn't end up actually going to the park, or anywhere. Quinn drove them around aimlessy as Rachel broke down once again telling her everything that had happened with Shelby. She let the tears fall as she explained to Quinn about Jessie, the tape, hearing Shelby sing and knowing she was her mother. As Rachel buried her face in her hands again after repeating her conversation with Shelby in the auditorium for Quinn, she felt the car slow down, and then stop. She looked up to see that Quinn had pulled over into a truck stop, and parked the car. She felt the seatbelt that had been tight around her fall away as Quinn unlatched it.

"Come here." Quinn commanded, opening up her arms for Rachel. Rachel threw herself into Quinn immediately, wrapping her arms around Quinn's back as she did the same to her. Rachel cried and cried into Quinn's chest as Quinn held her tightly. Quinn only broke the embrace to move one hand to Rachel's hair, which she played with in an attempt to further comfort the girl. As Rachel's sobs began to quiet and her shaking subsided slightly, Quinn lay her own cheek to the top of Rachel's head.

"You listen to me, Rachel. That woman is an idiot. You sound like more of an adult than she does. This is her loss, not yours. One day not very far from now, you are going to be belting it out better than she ever could dream of doing on some big broadway stage. You're going to be a star, and she's going to have to hear your name and see your face everywhere. She will live with nothing but regret for this. She'll want to tell people that's her daughter up there, but she'll never really be able to. You, however, will keep going and only shine brighter and brighter like the strong star you are. She doesn't deserve you, Rach. And you don't need her." Rachel listened intently, taking in everything Quinn had said.

"You called me Rach."

"That's what you got out of all of that?" Quinn laughed.

"I heard every word. Thank you, Quinn. I know you're right. I can't let her break me. The show must go in." Quinn knodded her head against the top of Rachel's.

"Exactly. You're stronger than this, and her." Rachel pulled away from Quinn so that she could look at her, but kept her arms around the taller girl's neck.

"I am, and while I'm actually believing that, thanks to you, I think I should go home and talk to my dads. It's going to be hard, but I think I can do it now." Quinn looked back at Rachel, her arms still locked around the smaller girl, and knodded.

"Alright, I'll take you home." Quinn went to pull away so they could leave, but Rachel stopped her.

"I think I can drive now. I'll take you home first. I won't have you walking home from my house."

"Okay." Quinn agreed, trying to move again, but Rachel still held her in place. She was stronger than she looked definitely. "I would like to try something first." Rachel said, still wondering exactly what all this was coming from Quinn. Quinn gulped, but knodded her head again at Rachel, who moved one hand from behind Quinn's neck to cup her cheek. There, she rubbed her thumb gently and stared into Quinn's eyes. Quinn actually looked scared, petrified almost, but she made no move to stop Rachel as she leaned up and placed her lips to Quinn's lightly. Quinn even kissed Rachel back as she sat otherwise unmoving. It was brief, and very simple, but Rachel felt something from the kiss she had never felt with Jessie, Puck, or even Finn. Quinn appeared to be in shock. She stared at Rachel with her jaw dropped and her cheeks blushed. Rachel wanted to capture Quinn's lips again, more passionately this time, but she didn't want to push too much too fast and freak Quinn out even more than she apparently already had. Instead, she leaned towards Quinn again, placed a quick kiss to the blonde's warm cheek, and finally pulled herself away. "Okay, we can switch places now." Rachel stated cheerily.

"Whaa, ohh." Quinn answered, shaking her head to clear it. She stared at Rachel for another moment, Rachel just smiling innocently back at her, before opening her door and getting out. She walked over to open Rachel's door, who got out and bounced over to the driver's side. Each girl took their seat, and Rachel pulled out.

The car ride to Quinn's was silent. Neither girl even moved except for when Rachel took Quinn's hand again in her own as she drove. It was a short drive. They had almost been back to Lima when Quinn had pulled over at the truck stop. Sooner than either girl was ready for, they were pulling into Quinn's driveway. Neither girl was sure of what to say, so Rachel gave Quinn's hand one final squeeze before letting go.

"Thank you, Quinn, again. I don't know how I would have made it through today without you." Rachel spoke honestly. Quinn didn't meet her eyes, and didn't respond. She just opened the door, and stepped out of the car. Before she closed the door, however, she turned back to Rachel.

"This doesn't change anything, and no one finds out about today. Okay?" Quinn was doing her best to sound like her normal threatening, intimadating self, but even she knew she wasn't pulling it off. Her voice cracked slightly and she came off more like she was pleading with Rachel than threatening her.

"I assumed as much." Rachel answered. Quinn knodded, started to close the door, but stopped again.

"You can get through this, Rachel. You will." Quinn shut the door and walked into her house, not looking back. Rachel pulled from the drive and drove home, more confused than ever.

Author's Note: Thank you guys for everything again as always. Your reviews are so encouraging and are definitely making me a better writer.

As Ive said before, you are entitled to your opinion, just as I am entitled to mine as far as Puck is concerned. Yes, Puck gave her drinks, and kept trying to talk her into it. But that isn't rape. Quinn agreed to have sex with him in the end. Yes, he lied to her about having a condom, and he talked her into it, but ultimately it was Quinn's decision. Like she says, she was having a fat day and used sex with Puck to make herself feel better. I have stayed pretty silent about all the Puck hate, but honestly I am just getting so frustrated with it. If you can't read this story and enjoy it for what it is, then don't read it. Puck can be a dick, and he is a man whore, always has been, but I like his character over all. Quinn did always let him see more of her than pretty much anyone else, and he still loved her for it. For me, he proved he had a good heart several times in the show. Besides that, the Puck in this story is my version of him. I may lose readers over this, but I had to say something. I will not make this into an argument, though, so if you feel the need to comment back to this, that's fine, but don't expect me to draw anymore attention away from my story just because you don't agree with my characters. They're my characters. And in my head, Puck probably already knows Quinn is gay and in love with Rachel, and probably has known for years. But he stays with her, because he genuinely loves her. He sleeps with other girls because he won't push Quinn for sex again, and Quinn has made it clear that she is fine with him doing that as long as it keeps him off her back. Read the story for what it is, or don't.

I also just wanted to give a shout out to some people I notice have reviewed multiple times: PinkDrinks of course, gllover22, Dark Angel Babyxx ( and I wonder are you called Dark Angel because of the old show with Jessica Alba? I loved that show haha), pierce22, shaky22, reliposh xoxo, IloveDiannaAgron. Sorry if I missed anyone but thank you to all of you that read and review and follow and all that. I don't have much of a life outside of work and your reviews give me something to look forward to. That's always nice.

As for Quinn not leaving Puck yet, if you remember, Quinn already tried to tell Puck once, but Rachel stopped her. I think Quinn is much more sure of everything with Rachel than Rachel is herself. If it doesn't work out between them, Rachel doesn't want Quinn to have to be alone. But Puck will be coming back into the story soon and a lot will be resolved. Be patient. I'll get more out to you guys soon.


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Note: You guys are getting two chapters at once. This one, present day, and the second one, much shorter, a flashback to junior year of a certain intimate situation mentioned in this chapter. I hope you all enjoy it. **

Lying cuddled in bed for fifteen minutes turned into a heated make out session for about fourty five minutes, until finally, Santana came banging on their hotel room door.

"I know you guys are in there, probably half naked." The latina yelled from the hallway. "I'm going to remind you that, though, I don't have a key for this door, I do still have a key for mine, which connects to yours and unless you want me seeing a whoolle lotta Berry, Quinn, I suggest you two get decent and gets out this door." Santana banged her fist against the door several times.

"Coming." Quinn called through the door, laughing. Rachel slid from atop her and they both stood from the bed, straightening their dissheveled clothes.

"Didn't need to know that." Santana joked. "Just get your asses out here." Quinn slung the door open.

"Not like that." Quinn answered Santana, shoving her playfully in the shoulder as Rachel came into the hall.

"Where's Brittany?" Rachel asked looking around.

"She's still downstairs. You know they have an arcade down there? Right in the hotel. It's going to be another act of congress getting her out of there now." Santana answered. Rachel skipped off ahead of Quinn and Santana to go get Brittany while they walked downstairs.

"So I take it things are going pretty well with the dwarf?" Santana asked once Rachel was out of earshot.

"They're going really well actually, I think." Quinn answered, huge smile on her face. "We talked a little about high school."

"You mean about the bullying? Or about your long time obsession with her and all those sneaky behind closed doors times you used to have with her?" Quinn turned to look at Santana, with her jaw dropped.

"Whaaa... You knew about that?"

"Q, please, you were my captain, my best friend, and my worst enemy, you really think I didn't keep tabs on you?"

"Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"What was I supposed to say? Hey, I know you know I'm in love with Brittany, even though I can't say it out loud, but I'm going to be a complete hypocrit and out my best friend? No." Quinn knew Santana was observant and intuitive, like Brittany, only not as much. She didn't know, however, that the latina had known so much for so long.

"Thank you." She said, looking over to Santana.

"Don't mention it. Like really." Santana laughed. Quinn looped her arm through Santana's as they stepped off the elevator.

"If you ever repeat what I'm about to say, I will get revenge by telling Berry all about all those late nights under the covers when we were in middle school before we met Rachel and Brittany."

"You would never repeat that!" Quinn yelped. "That is our secret. No one else's."

"I'm just saying, you keep your mouth closed, I'll do the same. Because there's something that needs to be said..."

"Fine. What?" Quinn asked, rolling her eyes.

"The hobbit, she's been through a lot the last few years. Hell, she's been through a lot period. And a lot of that is because of you... and me. With me, though, it's different. Rachel, and I, we keep each other on our toes. You and her though... You really have the power to crush her, Quinn. I can tell. She has barely set eyes on anyone since Finn died, and all of a sudden she's jumping on a plane and playing girlfriend with you. This is serious for her. I was honestly starting to think she would never be with anyone again, if just in some warped way of honoring him if nothing else. You're the exception." Quinn wasn't sure where Santana was going, talk like this was very uncharacteristic of Santana, too emotional for the usual cold hearted bitch image she maintained. "I know you and I are some crazy enhanced form of bonded because we've known one another so long, and gone through so much together... But Frodo and I, we've been through some pretty heavy shit ourselves now. "She's helped me to become everything I am today in a lot of ways. She's my girl, too. That's what I'm saying, and I'll give her a simular speech eventually. Don't hurt her. She can't handle it. She's barely been holding it together in a lot of ways for a long time. She focuses on her career, and she's succesful. She doesn't go out. She doesn't take vacations. She doesn't take risks. If you screw her over, Britts and I, and Lady Hummel, we'll be the ones cleaning up your mess. So don't make one." Santana finished, looking at Quinn seriously.

"I love her." Quinn stated.

"Like I didn't know that. Question is, what are you going to do about it?"

"I want to be with her. I want to break up with Puck, and be with Rachel. But I'm not sure what Rachel wants. I tried to break up with Puck before we all left LA but Rachel stopped me. I still don't think she's sure about any of this." Quinn hung her head slightly at her words. She had been trying not to think about Rachel's obvious uncertainty, but the more time they spent together, the surer Quinn became, and the more worried.

"I don't know how she couldn't be sure if she read that damn letter." Santana answered dismissively.

"Wait, what?" Quinn asked, stopping dead in her tracks and jerking Santana backwards.

"The letter you sent to our apartment."

"You read it?!" Quinn fumed.

"Of course I read it. Rachel just left it out for anyone to see on the top of her bed, pages all scattered around. I didn't know what it was at first, but I've got to say, Q, you've turned into quite the writer. Honestly, I almost fell in love with you reading it." Santana tried to joke. "So I don't see how the hobbit read it, came here, and still isn't sure about what she wants." Quinn felt light headed. "Woo, you're going a little pale on me there, preggers. Well, paler." Santana took Quinn by the elbow and led her to a small iron bench in the lobby, where they both sat down.

"So Rachel did read the letter?" Quinn barely whispered.

"I don't actually know if she read it or not. I just know it was open on her bed when Britts and I went in there to... Nevermind, it was just there." Santana blushed slightly, thankful that Quinn couldn't see the pink color on her cheeks from where the blonde's head rested in her hands. "Why is it a big deal if she read it anyway? Isn't that the whole point of writing a letter? For someone to read it?"

"For the intended receiver of the letter to read it, yes. Not nosey roommates." Quinn said, looking up at Santana with cold eyes. "But Rachel said she didn't get the letter before she came to LA."

"So maybe she didn't. Maybe it came after she left and Kurt opened it, or Blaine, and threw it on her bed." Santana tried to reason.

"Maybe."

Rachel stepped into the small arcade off of the lobby and looked around for her tall blonde dancer best friend. Brittany was in the back corner of the room, playing a pinball machine. Rachel skipped over and leaned against an old west shooting game next to Brittany.

"Hey, Rach. You wanna play? I just lost my last ball." The blonde offered.

"No, thanks. The other girls shouldn't be too far behind me." Brittany turned around to face Rachel, leaning her back against the pinball machine she had just been playing.

"You look happy, Rach." Brittany told the brunette cheerily.

"What makes you say that?" Rachel smiled back.

"Well, your cheeks are all flushed. I'm guessing from what Santana probably interrupted upstairs." Brittany giggled. "You haven't stopped smiling, and you've kind of got that I just fell in love glow about you." Brittany poked Rachel in the shoulder teasingly.

"I am happy, Brittany. For the first time in a really long time, I feel like things might be okay." Rachel beamed at Brittany.

"I think they'll be more than okay. Quinn can break up with Puck and then you guys will be free to date officially and Quinn can come to New York to stay with us, and..." Brittany rambled on until Rachel interrupted her.

"Whoah. Let's not get ahead of ourselves, okay?" Rachel said. Dating officially, moving to New York... Rachel was happy with Quinn, but she hadn't thought very much of what would happen with them after she had to go back to NYC. Would Quinn break up with Puck? She had tried once already, and Rachel had been the one to stop her. Rachel just didn't want Quinn to have to be alone if, for some reason, this thing between them didn't work out. Quinn could get scared again and change her mind, go back to hiding. This could turn into just another of those times like in high school. At some point, it could all be too much for Quinn and she would want them to ignore everything that had happened between them again.

Or Rachel herself could mess things up. Rachel knew that she loved Quinn. She had known that for a long time, but she really didn't know if she could be in a serious relationship again. She hadn't dated anyone since Finn, and losing him had almost killed her. What if she and Quinn became the real deal, a full time couple, and Rachel lost her, too? Rachel knew she wouldn't be able to live through that. The people she cared about tended to get hurt. Finn dying, Quinn getting paralyzed all those years ago. Rachel almost felt like she was cursed, like it was dangerous to love her. As much as she wanted to be with Quinn, she couldn't deal with even the thought of ever losing her. Maybe it would be safer, easier to just continue loving her from afar like Rachel had done for so long already.

"I can see all that bouncing around in your head up there, Rach." Brittany suddenly said, pulling Rachel from her worries.

"Hmm?" Rachel asked, surprised.

"It's okay to be scared, Rach. Everyone gets scared sometimes. I was really afraid to ask Santana to be with me again after she broke up with me. But I did ask her, and then Santana was really scared to say yes. Because she didn't want either of us to get hurt even more if we couldn't make it work all over again. She finally did say yes, though, because we love each other and when two people love each other as much as we do, and as much as you and Quinn do, you make it work. It's hard sometimes, but if love isn't worth fighting for, what is?" Brittany smiled down at Rachel reassuringly. Rachel stood on her tiptoes and reached up to loop her arms around Brittany's neck, leaning her head against the taller girls chest as Brittany locked her arms around the smaller girl's back.

"You're the smartest of all of us. You know that, right?" Rachel asked.

"That's what Santana always tells me, too." Brittany smiled against the top of Rachel's head, giving the girl a squeeze and rocking back and forth slightly to try and further calm the girl from her worries. "Q loves you, Rach. I think she's finally willing to admit that to herself, and the world. That's a really big deal. I love you both so much, but please don't break her heart, Rach. I know you love her, too, and it's okay. You don't have to be so scared all the time anymore."

"But what if I lose her, Brittany? What if she gets taken away from me like Finn? I can't survive going through that again." Rachel was fighting tears now, unsure of how she had went from smiling from ear to ear to burying her face in Brittany's chest and sniffling, so quickly.

"Everyone dies sometime." Brittany answered sadly. "Finn went way before his time and that sucks. We all miss him. But, you can't live your life so afraid of losing everything that you never let yourself have anything to start with. If something, God forbid, did happen to Q, wouldn't you want to have taken advantage of all the time you did have with her? Wouldn't you want her to know how you felt and know that you got to make her life a happy one by being with her? Do you really think it would be any easier at all to lose her but not be with her? I think you'd just regret that you didn't take full advatage of the time she was here, that you could have been with her, making both of you guys happy." Brittany traced paterns with her fingers along Rachel's lower black as Rachel felt the first couple of tears finally fight their way free from her eyes. Rachel didn't say anything. Brittany was right. Rachel knew she was. It was just so much easier said than done.

"Britts?!" Rachel jumped slightly at the sudden sound of the latina's booming voice, but Brittany only held her tighter. Santana walked into the arcade with Quinn's arm looped through her own to see Rachel with her back to them being held tightly by Brittany. Santana met her girlfriend's eyes and Brittany just shook her head a little, signaling for the other two girls to give them a minute. Quinn was still in shock at everything that Santana had just told her, but she registered quickly that Rachel was crying. She was glad that Brittany was comforting the girl, but it should be her holding Rachel. So, though Brittany shook her head again at Quinn, Quinn paid her no mind, and walked right up next to the girls in their embrace. She put her hand gently to Rachel's shoulder.

"Rach, baby? Are you alright?" Quinn asked delicately. Brittany didn't budge and Rachel only shook her head against Brittany's chest, her face hidden by the hair that fell all down around it. Quinn stood up a little straighter, having expected the brunette to throw herself from Brittany's arms and into her own, felt a little dejected now. "What's wrong? Did something happen?" Again, Rachel only shook her head. Quinn's feelings were getting hurt and she was getting frustrated. "I'm sorry. I'll leave you alone." Quinn gave in.

"NO!" Rachel yelped, almost knocking the unsuspecting Quinn to the floor as Rachel pulled from Brittany and flung herself at Quinn to stop her from walking away. Rachel threw her arms around Quinn's back, buried her face in her chest, and held her very firmly. Quinn wrapped her arms around Rachel, placed a quick kiss to the top of her head, and leaned down slightly to whisper in the brunette's ear. "I'm right here, baby. I'm not going anywhere." Rachel suddenly burst into tears. Quinn had no idea what was going on. She looked at Brittany questioningly, but the other blonde just shrugged her shoulders. She wasn't talking. Brittany took Santana's hand, who stood watching everything as if she wished she had a bucket of popcorn, and pulled her back into the lobby to give their friends a couple minutes together alone.

"Rachel, please, tell me what's wrong." Quinn rubbed Rachel's back soothingly while the smaller girl cried. She had long forgotten that just moments ago she had been confused and a little angry with Rachel. She kept finding out more and more things that Rachel was hiding from her. Right now, though, the girl she loved was sobbing loudly and shaking in her arms. Anything else could wait.

"I just... I can't... I don't know if I can do this..." Quinn felt her heart stop and her stomach drop.

"What?" Quinn asked through clenched teeth. Rachel said nothing, only cried harder and clutched at Quinn tighter. "Do what, Rachel?" Quinn asked again, vemon beginning to seep its way into her voice. This was it. This was the end. Rachel was going to leave and go back to New York and it would be like this never happened. Quinn deserved it, really, for doing the exact same thing to Rachel for years now. Quinn felt panic begin to sink in, and with it, anger. "I'm still not marrying, Puck. I'm not. Whether you want to be with me right now or not. I don't care if you don't want me to have to be alone without you. I'm not giving up on us, and I am NOT staying with hi..." Quinn cut her words short as she realized those weren't sobs shaking Rachel's body now, but laughter. Rachel was laughing at her. She was basically breaking up with her, even though they were never really officially together, and now she was laughing at Quinn about it. "I don't think this is very funny, Rachel." This just made Rachel laugh harder. Quinn moved to finally pull away from the hysterical girl, but Rachel used her arms around Quinn's back to hold her firmly in place. Quinn tried to move away again, and Rachel instantly stopped laughing and started sniffling again. Oh damn, I broke her, Quinn thought, but held the girl a little tighter as she began to cry again. Quinn felt a trail of moisture down her neck, and realized that she too was crying now, but had no idea when the tears had started.

"You can't go anywhere." Rachel barely whispered.

"But you're breaking up with me." Quinn whispered back, her breath catching in her throat at the words. Rachel shook her head violently against Quinn's chest. "You aren't breaking up with me?" Rachel shook her head again. "Okay, I know that we were never technically together so really, you aren't exactly breaking up with me, but you know what I mean, Rachel." Quinn was growing frustrated again.

"No, no, no." Rachel said in the most pitiful cry voice Quinn had ever heard. She was adorable, Quinn thought to herself, and then gave herself a mental punch in the face for thinking something like that while she was getting dumped. "I'm not breaking up with you, or ending this, or anything like that." Rachel whined out. Quinn felt a flurry of hope flip through her stomach.

"What then?" Rachel sobbed, losing control of her tears again. Quinn leaned back just slightly and put her hands on Rachel's shoulders, urging her to lean back and meet the hazel waiting for her. After a few seconds, a lot of sniffling, and Rachel wiping her cheeks, she finally looked up at Quinn. "Breath. And talk to me. Whatever it is, it's okay." Quinn said, cupping Rachel's cheek and rubbing a pattern there with her thumb. Rachel took a few deep breaths to steady herself.

"I can't lose you, Quinn. Not now, after all this..." Rachel had to stop briefly to choke back a sob. "I just can't." She finished, hanging her head and dropping her gaze. Quinn pulled Rachel to her again tightly.

"Oh God, Rachel, you scared me half to death." Quinn released with a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding.

"I am scared to death." Rachel stated. Quinn pulled away again. This time she pulled Rachel up by her chin and kissed her passionately. After a couple of minutes, she heard a man clear his throat and looked over to see a middle aged man sitting in one of the racing game chairs playing. She reluctantly broke their kiss, and looked deep into Rachel's eyes.

"I am not going anywhere, do you hear me? You couldn't get rid of me if you tried. Obviously. Like I said, I'm not giving up."

"What about when I go back to New York? What happens then? Is it going to be like it was when we were still in Lima, amazing when we're alone, but then when we aren't it's like none of it happened? Are we going to go back to being friends pretending this weekend didn't happen until we find ourselves alone again, and even then not talk about it? I can't keep doing it, Quinn. We've been in this crazy back and forth for almost a decade now. The first time we kissed was almost ten years ago, but we never spoke of it at all until an hour ago!" Rachel's voice was rising as she grew angrier with each word. Obviously she was still very emotional from their earlier conversation. Clearly Rachel had much more to say to Quinn than she had allowed herself to in the privacy of their hotel room. Rachel and Brittany's conversation must have brought something up or out for Rachel that kicked her right back into an overdrive version of her earlier tear filled confession with Quinn. Rachel thanked Quinn for their hidden closeness when they were teenagers, but it was more than clear the brunette felt a lot more about their secret affair than just gratitude. "We were seventeen when you gave me my first orgasm, Quinn. Seventeen! Do the math on how long ago that was. But was I ever allowed to talk about it again? No, I wasn't! Not even with you. And I realize that we just talked about it more than we ever have before upstairs, but I'm still having a really hard time feeling confident that once we aren't right next to each other anymore, this won't end up exactly the same way as it has everytime for almost ten years!" Rachel had to take a deep breath after she had finally allowed her biggest fear to rush from her lips. By the time she finished, she was yelling. At some point during her rant, during which she had went from crying hysterically to laughing, to writhing with anger, Rachel had stepped away from Quinn, out of her arms, and was now standing in front of the taller girl with her hands balled up into fists at her side. Rachel stomped her foot again now for probably the tenth time. Quinn glanced back over to where the man had cleared his throat earlier. He had given up entirely on his game, and now sat sideways in his chair to better watch the girls. Quinn shot him her best death glare. The man turned forward in his seat, but made no move to leave. Quinn saw Brittany and Santana leaned up against the door of the arcade. Quinn wasn't sure if they were standing there to eavesdrop, or to block the doorway so no one else could come in to see what everyone could surely hear from the lobby. Santana caught Quinn's gaze, her second in command arched an eyebrow at her, raised both her hands, and mouthed "do something". Quinn looked back to Rachel, still standing in the same spot, hands on her hips now. Quinn tried to think of somthing, anything, she could do to prove to Rachel that she was actually serious about having a relationship with her. Only one thing really came to mind. It was a conversation she probably should have went to Lima to have in person, but instead, Quinn pulled her phone from her pocket.

"What are you doing?" Rachel asked, growing impatient with Quinn's silence.

"Just give me a minute, please. I promise. Afterwards, you'll know this is real for me. I'm not that girl that can just walk away from you anymore. Just, five minutes. Please." Quinn shamelessly begged. She had come this far already. She wasn't going to give up on Rachel now. Rachel said nothing, but she didn't leave either, so Quinn continued. She looked over to Santana again and knodded towards the man still sitting in his game chair.

"San." That was all Quinn had to say. Santana looked over to Brittany for barely a second, and walked over to the intruder. Brittany followed right by her side. Santana stood on one side of the man, while Brittany took her place on the other, surrounding him.

"Get the fuck out." Santana commanded. The man immediately jumped from his seat as Brittany moved out of the way to let him run out the door. The girls walked back over to the entrance of the arcade, where a crowd had gathered at the open door. "What?!" Santana yelled. "There's nothing to see here. Go get your kicks somewhere else." The couple placed themselves as barriers in the door again, and Santana knodded to Quinn. "We gots this, Q."

Now alone as they could be given the setting, and knowing Santana wouldn't let a SWAT team in that room, Quinn focused on her phone again. She hit the number two on her speed dial, put the phone on speaker, and looked back at Rachel. The phone began to ring as they waited. Rachel cocked her head at Quinn, still confused about what Quinn could be doing. After four rings, a soft feminine voice answered the other line.

"Hi, Quinnie" the woman answered. Quinn held her phone out between her and Rachel.

"Hi, Mom." Quinn said, looking hard into Rachel's eyes. Rachel looked down to the phone and up again, her eyes bulging and her jaw dropping.

"What's wrong? Is something wrong? Your voice sounds like somethings wrong." Judy Fabray had obviously gotten to know her daughter better in her young adult years.

"Nothing is really wrong." Quinn drew out the last word. "I actually just really need to tell you something." Quinn still watched Rachel, who mouthed to her "what are you doing?". Quinn rose one finger into the air, asking the girl to be patient a little longer. Quinn continued speaking to her mother, "I probably should tell you this in person, but it really can't wait, Mom. I'm sorry for that. Really, I am. But I hope you'll understand that this takes a lot for me to say. A lot. Also, I hope you'll remember that I'm still your daughter, who you love, and this doesn't really change anything." Rachel was now shaking her head and waving her hands in the air.

"You don't have to do this." Rachel whispered. Quinn raised a finger to her lips to shush the girl.

"Oh gosh, now I'm worried. What is it, Quinnie? Just tell me. Rip off the band aid. I can handle it." Judy said. Then added lowly, "You didn't kill anyone did you, honey?"

"Mom. No." Quinn answered, laughing a little. There was a long pause on both ends of the line.

"Lucy Quinn Fabray?" Judy spoke firmly.

"Yes ma'am?" Quinn responded respectively, noticing her mother's tone.

"I love you."

"I love you, Mom."

"Now tell me." The older woman commanded. Quinn took a deep breath, but made sure not to break her eye contact with Rachel as her eyes began to sting.

"Mom..." Quinn paused briefly. "I'm gay."

"Oh God." Quinn's body tightened, preparing herself for the worst. "Quinnie, that's all? You scared the life out of me, you know that?"

"What?" Quinn couldn't believe her ears. Neither could Rachel. "That's... that's all?"

"Well, honey, it's just... I've kind of known that for a long time."

"Really? What? How?"

"Lots of things, Quinn. When you were young, barbie doll young, you never put Barbie with Ken. Ken was lost somewhere with his head pulled off." Judy laughed. "Not long after that, Santana was around all the time, and that poor girl never had a shot at hiding her sexuality. Mothers see a lot more than you think, Quinnie. Know a lot more. Neither of you were exactly subtle always locked up in your bedroom." Quinn shot her eyes to Santana with wide eyes. She could see pink on tan cheeks and Santana wouldn't meet Quinn's eyes. Brittany too was looking to Santana questioningly, but Santana just stared at the ceiling. Quinn looked back to Rachel.

"Anyway, Mom." Quinn tried to steer the phone call away from her youth with Santana. "You don't care?" She asked, bracing herself for the answer.

"Honestly, when you got pregnant, I was shocked. I had been confident up until that point that you would never let a boy touch you. Then you told us, and I knew it was all going to be a lot harder than I had anticipated. I had prepared myself for you eventually coming out. I hadn't prepared myself for you getting pregnant first on top of it. I figured, by the time you came out, you would be long out of the house, in college probably. So your father's reaction couldn't hurt you too much by then. I never thought you would get pregnant. I was in shock at first. As for your father, I think he was secretly relieved, even though he did throw you out. I think he thought that if you had gotten pregnant, maybe his baby girl wasn't gay. It was like a lesser of two evils. Society forgives teen pregnancy a little easier than homosexuality. It would be less of a black mark on the family." Judy paused for a moment. "I don't say this to hurt you. I'm just trying to say that... There's no excuse for how I reacted when we found out about Beth, and I'll always be sorry for that. But, Quinnie, there is nothing you could ever say or do that would make me not love you, or for you to not be my little girl. I dealt with this a long time ago. It was hard at first, for a while. But really, I knew so early that... I never really loved any other version of you." There was a long silence. Both Rachel and Quinn had sat down on the floor with no regards to how filthy it surely was. Quinn had sat down first, her legs feeling weak from everything she was hearing.

"I don't know what to say." Quinn let out finally.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah."

"Is it Santana?" Judy asked and Quinn again begin to panic, but tried not to make it obvious to Rachel. "Or that Berry girl? Hiram and Leroy's daughter, Rachel, isn't it? The one that's on broadway now. Either way, you have to bring her home soon." Quinn still couldn't believe that this was where this conversation had led. She had seriously underestimated her mother.

"It's... Rachel." Quinn answered, confused. "How did you know about her, too? She was rarely at our house. I don't remember more than a couple of times you were ever around the two of us at the same time."

"Well, I didn't have to be, Quinn. You talked about the girl all the time. Granted, you talked about how she was single handedly making your life a living hell, excuse my french, but I knew better, of course. No ones drones on about another person that much unless there are feelings involved." Quinn shook her head, and laughed.

"Is there anything you don't know?" Quinn asked sarcastically.

"I'm sure, and thank God for that." Judy laughed along with Quinn. "I love you, Quinnie."

"I love you, Mom. Thank you."

"Thank you. For finally telling me."

"I'll call you soon, okay?"

"You better, and bring that girl home to meet your mother." Judy demanded.

"I will." Quinn smiled. "Bye, Mom." The line went dead and Quinn sat her phone down on the floor next to her.

"You didn't have to do that." Rachel said after a few minutes.

"I know I didn't. It was time, though. It is time." Rachel didn't respond for a moment, and Quinn suddenly remembered her earlier conversation with Santana. "If you read that letter I sent, I don't see how you don't know that I'm serious about this now. Even everything with how we've been for so long, me ignoring everything, I wrote about all of that." Quinn was testing Rachel. If she had read the letter, she was sure to start off on some explanation for her outburst.

"I told you." Rachel said firmly. "I haven't read that letter."

"Santana told me she found the letter. Out, and open on your bed..." Quinn persisted.

"Maybe, but I didn't read it." Rachel stuck to her story.

"So you have no idea who opened it and put it on your bed?"

"I didn't say that."

"What the hell, Rachel?"

"After you mentioned the letter, I called Kurt and asked him to tell me when it got there. He called the next day after he checked the mail. I asked him to read it to me. After he opened it, though, I guess he skimmed the first couple of lines, and he wouldn't read anymore. He told me it wasn't something he felt comfortable reading anymore of, and that I should wait to read it myself. So I'm assuming he put it on my bed, where Santana wrongly thought it was her business." Quinn sighed in relief, thankful that Rachel hadn't lied to her, but frustrated that so many people had gotten a glimpse at something so personal and private.

"You shouldn't have asked him to read it."

"I just wanted to know what it said."

"And the vacation?" Quinn asked, remembering what else Santana had told her.

"What about it?"

"You asked for a vacation. Demanded, actually, apparently. Why?"

"You really can't trust Santana with anything can you?" Rachel deducted, rolling her eyes. "Puck called me a couple months ago, asked me for help picking out that damn ring. Afterwards, I kept thinking about it. How he had proposed and you had probably said yes, or would eventually. I kept telling myself to stay out of it, that you had made it clear I wasn't really anything you wanted on any sort of personal or serious basis. But then Brittany came in one day when I was going through old glee club pictures. She pointed out that you were almost always standing next to me, or close to me, at least. She said something vague about how she always thought you and I would end up together, somehow. It threw me off. She left. I kept looking through my photo albums, seeing you everywhere. I couldn't take it. I had to try, even if it was only for one more short trist with you. I didn't know what would happen, but I had to see."

"Why didn't you just tell me that?"

"Oh, yeah right, Quinn. We've never been able to talk about that stuff. In fact, you flat out told me not to after every single time we were alone together for the last going on eight years." Quinn hung her head.

"You're right. I'm sorry. I gave you no reason to ever think you could talk to me."

"Until now." Rachel said, making Quinn's head shoot back up. Rachel rose one corner of her mouth slightly, and shrugged her shoulders.

"Ma'am if you and your friend don't move away from the door, I will move you." They heard a deep voice boom from the entry way.

"Oh, you just try it. I will go all Lima Heights on you and you do not want to see that."

"I don't what you mean, ma'am. But you still have to move. This is a public space and we've gotten complaints."

"Well then you just lead me to the complainers and I'll take care of them, too." Santana shot back.

"We should probably go out there before Santana gets arrested." Rachel said, rising to her feet. She held her hand out to help Quinn up. Quinn smiled and took it, interlocking thier fingers.

"I can't believe you just came out to your mom." Rachel said as they walked to the door.

"You're next." Quinn grinned as she tapped Santana on the shoulder. The latina turned around to face Quinn.

"Bout time. This guy was about to put me over his shoulder." Santana gestured behind her to a very muscalar african american man who had to be 6'4 at least.

"We can go now", was all Quinn answered with. Santana turned back around, waving bye to the burly security guard.

"Bye, bye." Santana called back to him as the girls walked through the lobby and out the doors. Once they were outside, all four girls errupted in laughter.

"You know what I bet was even funnier than that?" Santana asked after a moment. "El capitan back there making Frodo hollar at 17. That's one comedic performance I would have paid to see."

"I don't know if you could have handled sitting through the whole thing, Santana. You would have been wishing you brought a lot more along than just popcorn. Like what I know you keep in the bottom drawer of your nightstand." Rachel spit back.

"Hey, how does Rachel know about captain happy times?" Brittany asked, much to Santana's horor.

"Chinca tu madre." Santana groaned under her breath.

"San, language." Brittany reprimanded, making everyone except Santana erupt into laughter again.


	14. Chapter 14

Flashback Junior Year

Holly Holiday is subbing for Mr Schue, who has the flu. The tall, blonde teacher had actually taken the time to ask Rachel what she wanted to do. Rachel had answered with the same suggestion she had given Mr. Schue previously without any consideration at all: something a little more up beat, and glamorous with a good dance beat. So, surprisingly, that's exactly what they were doing.

Quinn sat just a few rows back from the stage, next to Kurt, watching the performance. She began watching leisurely propped up on her elbow, but she soon found herself having to clutch to Kurt at times and lean towards him, away from the stage, as if trying to distance herself from Rachel. She had to break her stare from the stage multiple times during the performance, because it was too much for her to endure for longer than a few moments at a time. Rachel was wearing barely anything, dancing around vigarously. Quinn crossed her legs tightly. Her jaw had remained dropped during most, if not all, of the number.

When the music ended and Rachel and Ms. Holiday took their bows, everyone got up to leave, but Quinn sat frozen. Her eyes followed Rachel as the tiny brunette exited the stage.

"Aren't you coming, Quinn?" Kurt called back to Quinn, the auditorium already nearly empty.

"I think I might just sit here for a little while. It's quiet. I like it." It was true. Quinn did like the quiet of the place, but more than that, she felt like if she uncrossed her legs right now she would have to go directly to the locker room and take a cold shower.

"Alright." Kurt accepted as he walked out the door.

Quinn sat there for a few minutes unmoving. She dug her nails into one of the armrests of her seat. Rachel never got to her like that. I mean, there were times often when Rachel or the club would be performing, and Quinn would find her gaze drawn to Rachel. Quinn couldn't deny it, Rachel had an amazing body. She knew the girl had a vigorous workout routine that she started off every morning with almost religiously. All those revealing outfits, everything being out in the open and... bouncing around, it was like Rachel was doing it on purpose sometimes.

Like today when Rachel kept finding Quinn's eyes from the stage and holding her in a stare that made Quinn sweat in her seat. She was almost positive she saw Rachel slowly run her tongue along her bottom lip more than once when Rachel held her stare and Quinn sat on helplessly enthrawed. The staring contest they were apparently in during parts of Rachel's number, got so heated, that it drove Quinn to look away all the times she was forced to, though she didn't want to miss even a mili-second of the teasing performance Rachel seemed to be giving for her. Nor did Quinn want to appear weak by not being able to sustain eye contact with the tiny diva. From what she was able to gather during the time she was actually capable of watching Rachel, it really seemed as if Rachel was almost calling to Quinn, beckoning her, sending her an invitation.

It had been a long time since Quinn had pursued any alone time with Rachel. Rachel, of course, didn't pursue any alone time with Quinn either. That wasn't how it worked between them. Then again, Quinn wasn't really sure how it worked between them. Every once in a while, Quinn would find herself alone with Rachel, never on purpose, okay sometimes on purpose. Everyone needed a friend from time to time, even Rachel, and though she did have the glee club, none of them were really the kind of friends that were around outside of school. None of them were close enough to care when Rachel might be going through something, let alone be there for her. Quinn was just being a good friend, she assured herself. What then, was the reason behind all the affection? The hand holding, the lingering hugs, the kissing? Quinn needed to make sense of it all. More than that, what was it that Quinn felt while all those things were happening, or when she was in those moments with Rachel in general, or when she was watching her dance around in that revealing red dress, teasing Quinn all the while?

Quinn couldn't be sure what Rachel had been trying to do when she was up there on that stage, but as she sat there, cheeks still flushed and legs still crossed, just a few minutes after the auditorium had cleared, Quinn decided, two can play at that game. Quinn figured Ms. Holiday to be the type to not waste anytime getting changed after a performance, especially when it was at the end of the school day. The sub was probably already flying out of the parking lot blasting some top 40 song. Quinn got up and started making her way to the back stage area. She knew Rachel took forever in the dressing room both before, and after, any number.

As she got closer to the wooden door leading into the tiny room, Quinn straightened her back and took deep breaths, trying to gather up all her courage and exude confidence. After all, Rachel had pretty much called her here, with her eyes and her dancing, and damn that dress. Quinn stood still for a moment, flattening any wrinkles from her cheerio's uniform, and then pushed through the dressing room door without knocking. She immediately closed the door behind her, locked it, and then placed herself flat against the back of it.

She expected Rachel to scream or at least be surprised at Quinn barging in, but it was Quinn who got the surprise. Rachel stood directly in front of her, just a few feet away in the small room, in nothing but her spanks and a very thin black camisole. Rachel very obviously was not wearing a bra, as Quinn could clearly see the hardened peaks of her chest. Quinn felt a red hot blush on her cheeks as she lifted her gaze back up Rachel's body and met the brown eyes that were waiting for her, and Rachel only grinned at her winningly. Quinn coudln't take her eyes away from the petite girl in front of her that she had never seen look so sexy. How was she supposed to come off as cool, collected, and confident, when she couldn't stop her eyes from traveling down to Rachel's chest?

"Maybe you should put some clothes on." Quinn somehow managed to get out. She had wanted to only sound firm in her suggestion, but it came out sounding very simular to the HBIC voice she normally carried with the girl.

"You know, I think I won't." Rachel returned, putting a hand on her hip and smiling confidently. She looked Quinn up and down, not even trying to hide it in the slightest, and began to close the distance between them. She walked right up to Quinn and fiddled with loose strings on the bottom of Quinn's cheerio top that didn't exist. "Why did you come here, Quinn?" Rachel looked up at Quinn with the most innocent, puppy dog eyes. "You knew I would be in here alone, as I always am after everyone else is long gone." Quinn looked down at Rachel with a dopey expression. Rachel was so close to her that Quinn could easily lean in and capture her lips. Quinn could smell the wildberry lip gloss that Rachel was wearing. Rachel was literally attacking her senses and Quinn could barely form a complete thought.

"I... I don't know."

"Did you know I would be in here alone?" Rachel asked, already knowing the answer.

"Yes." Quinn's head was in such a haze that she didn't even register she was being uncharacteristically honest.

"What made you want to come here then, knowing I would be here alone?" Rachel knew Quinn wanted her. If she didn't, the blonde wouldn't have come. It had been a long time since she and Quinn had been alone together, and, therefore, a long time since they had kissed or been anything really other than the charade they normally put on. Rachel thought about their kiss, and everything that was the confusion of Quinn Fabray, everyday.

She and Finn had grown more serious over the summer, which had been pretty much painstakingly cheerio free. Everytime Rachel would kiss the boy, though, she couldn't help but compare it to her kiss with Quinn. With Finn, it wasn't bad. She loved him, or she was pretty sure she did. She could feel her body react slightly from time to time during their timid make out sessions. Kissing Quinn never even came close to going as far as making out with Finn. Yet Rachel felt a stronger reaction in everyway from her simple exchange with Quinn, than she did when she and Finn were in much riskier, though still pretty innocent, situations. With Quinn, Rachel's heart would race, her palms would immediately begin to sweat, and she felt a tingling rush run through her body and settle in a place not so innocent. Rachel always wanted more with Quinn. Whereas, with Finn, it was kind of like it was just nice having someone to kiss, without all the flipping in her belly and the unintentionally jerking of her hips. Shouldn't Finn be the one to make her want more, feel more?

It was a question that had bothered Rachel since whatever this thing was with Quinn had started. So when she noticed Quinn doing a very poor job of ogling her in the first few seconds of her song, she decided to do some research into the matter. If Quinn didn't react, though it would probably only make Rachel want her more, Rachel would know that she had overestimated Quinn's feelings in all of this. Perhaps thier encounters previously had just been some crazy fluke. If Quinn did react, however, and seek her out, Rachel would test just how different Quinn made her feel.

"Quinn?" Rachel tried to draw the girl's attention away from her chest again when she didn't answer her question.

"Hmm?" Quinn's head shot up. Her cheeks got impossibly redder at being caught again. Rachel took the final step closer to Quinn so that their bodies were flush together. At first, Quinn tried to lean away from Rachel, and further into the door, but as Rachel stepped up onto her tiptoes and placed her hands on Quinn's hips to help her balance, Quinn released a moan barely above a whisper and finally relaxed her body into Rachel's. Rachel was so close to Quinn now, Quinn could feel Rachel's breath on her lips. Rachel looked up to meet Quinn's eyes.

"May I?" Rachel said lowly, seductively. She wanted to hear Quinn say that this was what she wanted. Really, she wanted to make the head cheerio beg for her, but she was really surprised Quinn hadn't ran out screaming already, so she wouldn't push her luck. Quinn looked confused for a moment, and then something changed in her face and eyes. Quinn's body relaxed more into Rachel and she rose her arms to lock them around Rachel's back. As Quinn released a sigh, both girls knew Quinn had given in.

"Do you really even have to ask at this point?" Quinn answered.

"No." Rachel smiled victorious.

"I hate you." Quinn said unconvincingly. Rachel tilted her head slightly and leaned in so that her lips were mere centimeters from Quinn's.

"Show me how much." Rachel whispered teasinly against Quinn's lips. With each syllable Rachel's lips would flutter against Quinn's, whose hips jerked of the own accord.

"Oh God..." Quinn let out. She knew she was in trouble, but it was too late now. She couldn't stand the proximity anymore. Rachel was killing her, and Quinn knew that was her intention. This was exactly what Rachel wanted, and as much as a part of Quinn hated to play right into the diva's trap, the other part of her was just really happy that Rachel wanted her back. Quinn rose one of her hands and put it to the back of Rachel's neck, pulling the brunette's lips forcefully to hers.

From the very beginning, this was not a simple or innocent kiss, in any way, shape, or form. As soon as their eager lips were moving together, they instantly picked up a rhythm that felt inexplicably familiar. Quinn's fingers tangled in Rachel's hair as she felt a jolt of electricity run through her entire body, when the fingers of her other hand, still pushing Rachel closer to her from the girl's lower back, brushed under Rachel's camisole and touched bare flash. Rachel had to take in a deep breath as Quinn ran her tongue against Rachel's bottom lip, before sucking it lightly between her own. Rachel parted her lips slightly and met Quinn's tongue. Suddenly both of Quinn's hands were clutching at the bare skin of Rachel's back, her hips grinding into Rachel's. Rachel still had her hands on Quinn's hips, now inching inside the edge of her cheerio skirt. Neither girl had any thoughts in their mind other than the touch and feel of the other.

Rachel was only wearing a very, very thin layer of clothing. Every movement made, Rachel felt through very litte barrier. The way Quinn was digging her nails into Rachel's bare back, pushing her deeper into Quinn with every thrust their hips made together, Rachel was finding it more and more difficult not to moan into Quinn's mouth. She felt a tension building rapidly in her abdomen as she moved both of her hands inside Quinn's uniform to clutch her bare hip bones and pull the taller girl firmer with each thrust. Rachel could no longer hold it in, a loud moan escaped her lips as they moved passionately with Quinn's. Quinn felt her knees buckle slightly at the sound and let out a deep moan of her own. Quinn's hands traveled around Rachel under her camisole, until her hands were between the two of them, against Rachel's bare stomach. Quinn hesitated for a moment, before snaking both hands up Rachel's sides, rubbing slightly against the sides of each of her breast as she did so, and then back down again to grab Rachel's hips and pull her closer as each girl began to moan together. Rachel reached both hands under Quinn's bottoms, her nails scraping against Quinn's thighs, before she moved both hands around to firmly cup Quinn's ass. She pushed Quinn closer as Quinn pulled her deeper and soon both girls were tumbling over the edge. As tremors raked through them both, Quinn felt Rachel's knees shake, and moved her arms around Rachel's back to keep her from wobbling over as their lips still moved together. Once she was steady again, Rachel rose her hands around Quinn's neck as the final aftershocks tore through their body and their moans began to quiet. Rachel broke free from their kiss and moved her lips down to Quinn's neck, kissing a trail to her collar bone before laying her head against Quinn's chest.

"Did you just..." Quinn whispered after a few minutes of silence.

"Do you really even have to ask at this point?" Rachel mocked. Quinn didn't laugh, though. "Did you just..." Rachel repeated Quinn's question. Quinn moved her hands to Rachel's shoulders and pushed the smaller girl away from her gently.

"This... this was too much." Quinn said, not meeting Rachel's eyes. Rachel could literally watch as Quinn went back to being her normal, shut off self.

"Quinn, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..." Rachel tried to reason, but Quinn cut her off.

"But you did mean to. You drew me here. You did it on purpose." Quinn's voice was picking up venom fast.

"I didn't do ~that on purpose." Rachel said awkwardly.

"Maybe not, but..." Quinn looked up at Rachel, whose eyes had begun to brim with tears. "There's no reason to cry, man hands. We still won't be friends after I walk out that door. Nothing's changed."

"I know. Nothing's changed. No one knows." Rachel repeated the creed behind her and Quinn's secret, a single tear finally spilling over. Quinn saw the tear fall, and felt a twinge in her chest. She couldn't stand to see Rachel cry. Quinn reached out her hand and stopped the tear with one finger against Rachel's cheek. Rachel looked up and met Quinn's eyes, which looked pained and distant. The blonde removed her finger from Rachel's cheek, turned around, opened the door, and left Rachel once again alone.

**Author's Note: I hope you guys enjoyed the flashback. Hopefully it gives a little background as to why the girls are how they are now, especially Rachel. **

**I said I wasn't going to do this, but... I really think that no matter what I say to some of you, I'm still going to lose. But lets give it another shot anyway. I didn't mean I get an opinion about rape. That's something left up to the woman in question, and don't think I don't know that. But I do get an opinion about what happened on a tv show. And in my opinion, Quinn wasn't raped. She never calls it rape. She never looks at Puck as an attacker from anything I can tell. If you feel differently, than that's your take on it. But regardless, it's fiction. As is this story, in which case, Quinn definitely wasn't raped. **

**Puck can be in love with Quinn, and still sleep with or date other people. There's kind of a whole life style and orientation devoted to it. It's called polyamory. Monogamy isn't for everyone. I never said Puck was screwing someone else every night. Has he had his partners, yes. Puck's character has stated repeatedly that he doesn't believe in monogamy. If you don't believe love can exist outside of a traditional form then, again, that's your opinion. As for Quinn, he's kind of perfect for her. She never has to sleep with him. He'll never push her to again because of what happened before. She gets a cover in the form of someone that genuinely wants to protect her. If Puck fell in love with another girl, would he leave Quinn? Sure, probably. But there is no one else, and this way Quinn doesn't end up dating some jerk off that does the exact same thing he did to her back in the day. I don't dispute that he was in the wrong. He shouldn't have did what he did. But overall, I believe his character to be one that has shown a good heart throughout the course of the show. He battles with bad decisions, that day with Quinn definitely being the worst, but he tries, and the good shines through at moments. He's continually been there for Quinn anytime she's let him since then. Again, my opinion, and my Puck. **

**I'm not silencing victims of rape. If you, personally feel like you were raped, then I am sorry and by all means do what you need to do to get past it. **

**I still just find it so ridiculous that this keeps coming up about something completely fictional. Wrap your heads around the fact that this is the truth for myself and my story only. Your truth is your truth. I'll respect that. If you're going to read, respect mine as well. **

**Now, back to the story here. Soon to come: more secrets and bumps in the road for faberry, a surprise Rachel and Puck show down, and some more of what Santana does best. **

**Thank you guys as always. You're amazing. **

**I'll probably do a few more flashback chapters randomly throughout the story. I feel like we'll get to know the girls a little better that way. **

**I'm also thinking of starting another fic soon. I still have a lot to work out with it, but we'll see. :)**

**I hope all you guys are happy and healthy and loving life. I'm sure you deserve it. Give yourself a pat on the back. I'll do the same. It's officially my birthday. :) **

**Updates after the weekend. **


	15. Chapter 15

The girls went to dinner at a small italian place down the street. Despite the argument that had just went on, conversation flowed easily. Santana and Brittany sat on one side of the table. Rachel and Quinn on the other. Quinn kept her hand on Rachel's thigh, tracing patterns there with her fingers. Rachel's face held a constant smile, as did Quinn's.

Quinn felt like everything was finally out in the open. She knew she and Rachel still had a lot to discuss, regarding both thier past, and what was sure to be their rocky future. They would work through it, though. If Rachel's fit had shown Quinn anything, it was that she and Rachel, though both of them were scared and often overly emotional, were strong in their rapidly budding relationship. Quinn knew she wasn't giving up, and it really seemed like Rachel was in for the good fight, too.

She was still afraid, though. How could she not be? This was it, almost a decade in the making, it all came down to this, now. Quinn knew she could blow it at any moment. Clearly, she had already done a lot of damage with Rachel throughout their, friendship, for lack of a better word. Rachel might not ever be able to fully move past all of that, no matter how serious Quinn showed her she was now. Quinn could always find someway to mess everything up now, too. She was good like that. She didn't very much trust herself, and for good reason. She tended to push away the things she wanted most. With Rachel, Quinn was the most vulnerable she had ever been. Rachel could tear Quinn's heart to shreds and never bat an eyelash. Quinn kept reminding herself that Rachel would never do that, but the fear remained. Any other time, Quinn would have hit the self destruct button on herself long ago. Found some way, any excuse, to end all of this, shove Rachel back to New York, pretend none of this happened, and marry Puck.

Puck was safe. He would never hurt Quinn again and she knew it. She took full advantage of it. He was always gone, but she still got the label of boyfriend, fiance... husband, if she wanted. No one questioned her sexuality because she had this officer attached to her, whether he was actually there or not.

They never talked about either of their motivations for the almost business like relationship, but Quinn knew Puck had his own reasons for sticking around, too. Quinn tried to tell herself that there was some immature, crude reasoning behind Puck being with her. Like he was just really determined to get in her pants again. Or maybe he wanted Beth's parents to still be together as she grew up, especially since they had become much closer with their daughter in their young adult lives. Puck even more so than Quinn.

Really, Quinn just wanted something to make herself feel better for what she was doing to Puck, for what she had been doing ever since they had gotten back together that day in the choir room. She had used a lot of beards, but Puck made her feel a different level of guilt. Deep down, though she rarely would admit it to herself, Quinn was almost positive that Puck knew a lot more than what she was comfortable with believing. More than anything else, he gave her the sense that he was trying to protect her in some way. I mean it was Puck, yet Quinn had somehow managed to maintain a serious relationship with him for the last couple of years, without having sex with him once. Sure he would try sometimes in the rare instance they actually were around one another, but as soon as Quinn would push his wandering hands away, or mutter some hurried dismissal, Puck would go back to behaving himself, kissing her more innocently, or pulling her down to spoon her instead. If Quinn didn't know better, she might think Puck were gay himself. It all made Quinn feel like shit, to be frank. She wondered if Puck was acting out of his own guilt, trying to make up for getting her pregnant. Did the young man really know that Quinn was gay, and just helping her to further cover it up? If Quinn didn't have Puck, and had been forced to date other guys, she would have certainly been put in worse circumstances a lot. Possibly even dangerous ones. If he did know, it made Quinn feel even worse. She should have told him everything back in LA. She shouldn't have listened to Rachel. She owed Puck more than all of this, after the last couple of years especially.

Quinn tried to pull her mind away from Puck and the accompanying guilt throughout dinner. It was to no avail, though. Everytime Rachel would take her hand or touch her thigh under the table, Quinn would feel a new wave of shame. She had to end things with Puck, the sooner the better. She owed it to him to do it in person. She wouldn't end a more than two year relationship over the phone or through texts. If it was anyone else, maybe, not Puck. It would be hard, but Quinn would figure out a way to make it happen. She wouldn't be able to feel okay with Rachel until she had. Being with Rachel wouldn't completely feel real until Quinn no longer had a boyfriend, and could thereby make Rachel her girlfriend.

"Quinn? Earth to Quinn? You've barely said a word since we got here. Did Berry break you?" Santana waved her hand in front of Quinn's face. Quinn had been staring a hole into the thick wooden table where they sat, lost in her thoughts. Now all eyes were on her as the other three girls waited for Quinn to come up with some answer for Santana.

"Excuse me." Quinn said, scooting her chair back. She looked to Rachel, and took both her hands in her own, rubbing her thumbs lightly, nervously, against the backs of both of Rachel's hands. "I have to make a phone call. But, I'll be right back, okay? Right back. There's just something I really have to take care of, now." Quinn tried to explain to Rachel. The blonde had gone pale and Rachel could feel a shake in her hands.

"Is everything okay?" Rachel asked. Then whispered, "Are we okay?". Quinn looked taken aback at the question. She leaned forward and placed a soft kiss against Rachel's nose.

"We are more than okay." Quinn squeezed each of Rachel's hands. "That's why this is so important."

"Alright." Rachel understood. She said nothing else, nothing to try and change Quinn's mind like before. She just knodded her head, and quickly kissed Quinn's cheek, before releasing Quinn's hands, and turning back to face the confused couple across from her. Quinn smiled slightly, and rose from her seat to walk outside. She knew she would be able to hear better and have a more private setting there.

"What was that about?" Santana asked as Quinn walked away.

"Puck." Rachel answered honestly.

"Ohh. Yeah, I had been wondering about that."

"Me too." Brittany joined in.

"What's to wonder?" Rachel asked with a bit of an edge to her voice.

"Whoah, doggie." Santana spit back, to which Rachel rolled her eyes and folded her arms across her chest. "I just meant I don't get why she hasn't just broken up with him already."

"She tried before, but I stopped her."

"Well why in the hell would you do that?"

"That is none of your business." Rachel spat back at Santana.

"You best not hurt her, troll."

"Excuse me?" Rachel could feel the warmth of anger creeping through her body.

"You heard me. Don't hurt her. I'm serious." Santana warned.

"Why would you even say that? Like I would ever intentionally hurt Quinn."

"I don't care if it's intentional or not. Just don't do it." Rachel wanted to be angry with the latina, but she couldn't be. Santana was trying to protect her friend, her captain, which Quinn would always be. Rachel had to admire that and be grateful for it.

"I'll do my best." Rachel relented.

"Mhm. You better."

"Stop the violence." Brittany mumbled.

"It's okay, Brittany. Santana is only looking out for Quinn because she loves her so much." Rachel shot Santana a pointed look, knowing that even though her statement had been true, it wasn't one Santana cared to have pointed out. Santana's face only showed to be caught off guard for a fleeting moment, however, before portraying an intimidating look of cocky mischief.

"Yeah, well the next time you're loving Quinn..." Santana drew out the word loving. "You just remember who taught her everything she knows." Santana also put stress behind everything when she spoke the word.

"Excuse me?" Rachel found herself asking again. She riffled through her brain for any idea of what Santana could be talking about. She could come up with nothing, but wished Quinn would come back already.

"You know, after Mr. Schue's no go of a wedding, Quinn lost her girl virginity to good ol' maw." Santana thrust her thumb towards herself, and grinned winningly. "I bet you honest to God hated me for a minute when Quinn told you about that, didn't you? Both the loves of your life gave themselves up to me before you. What can I say, I have a knack for being in the right place at the right time." Santana winked at Rachel as she slurped back a piece of pasta disgustingly. "I heard how you were screaming in there last night. You're welcome." That was it, the last straw. Rachel had had enough.

"Fuck you, Santana. I don't believe you." Rachel said, fighting the urge to lunge from her seat across the table at the other girl. Santana suddenly got a very different look on her face. She almost looked, regrettful.

"What? You... You knew about that, though." Santana looked a little scared, too. Of Quinn, Rachel imagined.

"I'm not buying it, Santana. So you can just stop, okay? This whole little act you have going, I'm not falling for it."

"I just assumed she would have told you. And then when Judy was on speaker phone, she was talking about when Quinn and I were kids, and you didn't look surprised, so I thought..." Rachel's eye involuntarily twitched at the insinuation Santana was making. Santana noticed the unconscious movement, and paled a little, realizing she had accidently revealed another secret. "Fuck." Santana mumbled under her breath.

"If you're making this up, screw you. It isn't funny. But if you aren't making it up, fuck you." Rachel's voice was rising and she was pointing harshly at Santana. "What is with you anyway? Always sweeping in when you see anything I might have in my life and taking it from me. Finn, moving to New York, Funny Girl... and now Quinn, too! What the hell is your issue with me?!" Santana had never thought about it like that. Maybe she did have a point. Though, Santana had no idea what reason there would be behind any issue with the diva. Rachel suddenly stood from her seat, leaning over the table in front of Santana. "Tell me the truth. Did you make all that up?"

"I don't think I should talk about this anymore. You should talk to..."

"No. You don't get to do that. You're the one that started this. You're going to tell me the truth." Rachel interrupted. Santana released a heavy, defeated sigh.

"I'm not a liar."

"So it's true then? You had sex with Quinn after Mr. Schue's cancelled wedding?" Rachel asked with determination. Santana felt very much like she was being interrogated. People around the restaurant had long ago began to stare.

"Yes."

"And what was this about what Quinn's mother was saying on the phone? What were you talking about then?"

"We were young. It was stupid, innocent stuff. That's all I'm saying. You have to talk to Quinn for anything else."

"Funny how once things get serious, you're tight lipped all of a sudden." Rachel stood up straight again, but continued to stare at Santana, hoping to further the latina's guilt.

"I have something to say now." Brittany suddenly spoke. Rachel had almost forgotten about the blonde. "Santana you should have told me about this." Santana's eyes shot to Brittany, panic on her face.

"It wasn't a big deal. You were with Sam."

"Yeah, but I'm with you now, and have been for a really long time. You never thought to mention that you slept with our best friend?" Santana reached out to take Brittany's hand, and to Rachel's surprise, Brittany let her.

"I'm so sorry, Britts. But I really didn't. It only happened once and it was never anything serious at all. You knew about when we were kids. That was before you, B."

"I knew you teased Quinn. I never knew anything really happened." Rachel continued to watch as Santana got down on both her knees in front of Brittany, still clutching each of the blonde's hands.

"I'm so so sorry. You have to believe me, baby. I wasn't thinking. You know how the bitch in me is. She just comes out without warning and says whatever she wants. I'm sorry." Santana wiped a tear from her cheek.

"Don't cry, San, and get up. Please. We'll figure it out. But no more keeping things from each other, okay?" Rachel couldn't believe Santana was going to get off that easily with Brittany.

"I promise. I'll tell you everything."

"There's more?"

"There might be." Santana answered, not meeting Brittany's eyes and still kneeling on the floor.

About that time, Quinn walked back into the restautant. She walked up next to Rachel and put one arm around Rachel's waist. Rachel jumped at the unexpected contact, and pulled away.

"What's going on?" Quinn asked the shorter brunette. "Why is Santana in the floor?" Santana looked up dreadfully to meet Quinn's eyes.

"How could you?" Rachel asked, turning to face Quinn. Quinn looked again to Santana, but the latina was staring at the floor now.

"I don't understand what's going on." Quinn answered, confused.

"Santana spilled out all your dirty little secrets while you were gone." Quinn looked back to Rachel, and gulped. There was all kinds of things Santana could have told Rachel. None of it any good for their relationship.

"Rachel, let me explain..." Quinn began.

"Let you explain?! Why should I? You had every chance to tell me, Quinn. But you didn't. You had sex with her?!" Rachel fumed, pointing to Santana. Quinn dropped her head. She figured that was the secret Santana had spilled.

"I did, and Rachel, I would have told you eventually. I just didn't see why it was important to now. It was one time. Nothing has ever happened between us again. As I'm sure Santana will tell you, it didn't mean anything. We were both drunk and jealous, and it just happened. I know that isn't an excuse, but we were both single. Brittany was with Sam, and you were dating that Brody guy and you were with... Finn that night" Quinn said the name carefully, knowing mentioning the boy could have the opposite affect on Rachel than the one she wanted. She wanted Rachel to see reason, that she was with someone else and Quinn really did nothing wrong with Santana. Based on the pink tint that now colored Rachel's face, and the way her eyes bulged slightly, Quinn knew that wasn't where Rachel was taking this.

"I was with Finn? Really?! That's your excuse? I was always with Finn! When did he ever matter before, Quinn? I was dating Finn, or Jessie, during almost everyone of our secret meetups. It didn't matter then. Why did it suddenly mean so much that night at Mr. Schue's fake wedding?!" Quinn looked again to Santana for any sort of help or back up. The latina now sat in her girlfriend's lap, head burried in the crook of her neck and shoulder. Her loose tongued best friend wasn't going to be any help to her now.

"I saw you guys, upstairs that night, when he was picking apart that flower for you. I saw you walk up the stairs, lied to Santana that I had to use the little girl's room, and followed you." Quinn saw Santana's head rise slightly at the confession, to listen better now she realized she didn't know the whole story, Quinn was sure, out of her pariphrial vision. "When I got up there, though, you were already talking to him, flirting with him. I hid, and listened, and watched." It was Rachel's turn to gulp now. "He was talking about, no matter what, you guys were end game. He picked every single petal from that damn flower but one, she loves me, she loves me not. I was barely able to keep from barfing all over my shoes right there." The memory angered Quinn all over again. She knew it was more than stupid to feel jealous of the boy now, but she couldn't help it. "And then you... You picked the last petal, she loves me. The two of you went down and sang your little song. I picked my heart up off the floor and went back down to Santana." No one said anything for a moment. "Like I said, you were with Finn." Quinn sat back down in what had been her seat before she went outside to make her phone call. Puck was barely even a distant thought now. From the look Rachel immediately got on her face, Quinn made a mistake by sitting down. Clearly, this was not over.

"You think that's it? You can just say that and suddenly all is forgiven? No, no, no. It wouldn't have mattered, Quinn. I would have always chosen you, over him. As if I ever had any sort of choice, that night being no different." This made Quinn suck in a sharp breath. She had never dreamed that she was ever Rachel's first choice. Even now, she had been pretty sure that none of this would be happening with Rachel if she could still have Finn. It was sad, but Quinn thought she had just kind of gotten Rachel by default, the second choice, as she had been all along. Quinn was wrong, though, according to Rachel now. This made Quinn feel an instant sense of regret. So much wasted time. "Hello? Are you even listening to me?" Rachel waved her hand in front of Quinn's face before replacing it back on her hip. "This whole time, I thought I was like this special thing for you. The only girl you really... Or at least the first girl you would be with when you had finally delt with your shit enough to be with a girl at all. But I guess I probably thought that because I was also under the impression that I was the only girl you actually gave into your feelings with, or urges with. I thought I was the first, and I thought I would be the first." Rachel stared down at Quinn from where she stood towering down over the blonde in her chair.

"You're kind of being a hypocrit." Santana suddenly spoke up, her voice regaining some of its normal fierceness.

"Oh, now you have something to say?" Rachel shot back at Santana, stomping her foot.

"I'm just saying. Don't bitch Quinn out for not waiting around for you when it isn't like you were little miss innocent either." Santana still sat in Brittany's lap, but she sat up straight now, arms folded across her chest defensively.

"We're not talking about boys, Santana." Rachel answered, getting frustrated.

"Neither am I, Berry."

"Don't." Rachel, who had went a little pale, spoke through gritted teeth. "I never had sex with another girl. You know I didn't. I believed in Quinn enough to know it would happen with her eventually."

"Okay, and it did. And neither of you ended up being married when it did. You're already ahead of my expectations. I don't see the problem."

"She's right." Quinn, who had sat listening and gathering herself for those brief few moments. "I should have waited for her."

"That's bull shit, Q. I was around way before her. If your first time should have been with anyone, it should hav be..."

"Santana." Quinn interrupted her quickly. "Please. Just stop. Not now." Santana dropped her shoulders, dejectedly.

"No. See. That!" Rachel pointed back and forth eratically between Quinn and Santana. "Not now? How do I know that you aren't going to just tell her later that you're glad it was with her. You two have all these secrets. The kind of secrets that I thought only you and I had. I foolishly thought that anytime you were brave enough to wade through your emotional bull shit, you did and would come to me. I thought I was special for you."

"You were. You are! You're acting like Santana and I have just been involved this whole time. That isn't the case at all. We were never anything but friends. We kissed a few times, cuddled, until Brittany came along, which happened to be around the time that I saw you for the first time. As for that one, random night over three years ago, I shouldn't have done it. I was drunk, and hurt because of what I had eavesdropped to see. I know none of that can really excuse what happened, and I am sorry. But Rachel, I swear, this doesn't have to, and shouldn't, lesson in anyway anything that has happened between you and I. Neither from our past, or the last few days."

"I don't see how you honestly expect me to believe that anymore." Rachel answered matter of factly. "You were worth waiting for to me, Quinn. I thought I was for you, too." Rachel took one last look at Quinn, and stormed out.

After a few minutes, during which none of the three girls spoke, their waiter awkardly returned to lay down their check. Quinn picked it up mechanically and placed a hundred dollar bill inside, not even looking at the total.

"Aren't you going to go after her?" Brittany asked after a while.

"What's the point?" Quinn answered. She felt defeated. She knew it was only a matter of time before something messed her and Rachel up. "I should have told her."

"I thought she knew, Q. I really thought she knew." Santana defended.

"It isn't your fault. I mean, it is. But I should have told her myself."

"She just needs some time to calm down, I'm sure." Brittany tried to sound hopeful.

"Maybe." Quinn almost whispered. The waiter returned, picking up the check. "No change." Quinn said to the young boy. He peeked inside the book and his eyes bulged.

"Thank you. Thank you so much." He said as he hurried away from the table before Quinn could realize she had just given him a fourty five dollar tip. Quinn hung her head, thinking about everything she had probably just lost. She wasn't paying anymore attention to Brittany and Santana. So she didn't notice Santana whispering commands into Brittany's ear hurriedly. Quinn didn't even realize it when the taller blonde got up and left the restaurant, leaving Santana and Quinn still sitting in their seats across from one another.

Quinn didn't know how much time had passed, when she felt a hand on her knee. She looked up to see that Santana had moved across the table, and now sat in the chair next to her, that Rachel had once sat in. Quinn couldn't hold it in any longer. She immediately began to cry, hard. Santana pulled Quinn into her chest, and held her there while she rubbed patterns along Quinn's back.

"Sssshhh, ssshhhh. Everything's going to be okay." Santana whispered against her longest friend's head.

Brittany sprinted up the stairs of their hotel. She didn't have time to wait around for an elevator. Rachel was more than likely not leaving only the restaurant. Santana had told Brittany she would probably find Rachel in her hotel room packing her things to go back to New York. It was classic diva Rachel, which Santana had gotten to know well throughout the years. Rachel had let herself be vulnerbale for the first time since before Finn died, and she had gotten hurt. Mostly because of the latina. So Brittany had to hurry to catch Rachel. Santana had given her specefic instructions on what she had to do before she could let Rachel leave.

Santana was right. Brittany unlocked the adjoining room to Rachel's that she still had a key for, and then burst through the connecting door into Rachel's room. The tiny brunette was pacing around the apartment, picking up clothes that had been strewn across the room haphazardly, and throwing her things on the bed to be packed. She jumped back and released a light squel in surprise when Brittany came bustling through the door. The blonde instantly smiled upon seeing Rachel. First thing Santana told her to do, catch Rachel, done. She placed her hands on her knees, bending slightly and breathing heavily to try and catch her breath.

"Brittany." Rachel placed a hand over her chest. "You frightened me for a minute there." Rachel moved her hand from over her heart and replaced it back at her side, mirroring the other. A stern look returned to the diva's face as she cocked her head sideways, looking at Brittany questioningly.

Brittany had managed to stand back up fully once more, but was still struggling a little to regain full control of her breathing. She was very fit. She had to be, dancer that she was. Sprinting almost a block and a half, just to then sprint up eight flights of stairs, would be a struggle for anyone, especially when she had just eaten a huge amount of salad, bread, and pasta. Truthfully, Brittany did feel a little sick to her stomach, too much moving around too soon after eating way too much food. She opened her mouth to give Rachel some explanation for her rushing in, but immediately closed it again for fear of what might come out of it. Her stomach churned, confirming her fears, as she raised one hand to her stomach and one finger in the hair, signaling to Rachel that she needed a minute.

Brittany walked back through the connecting door, back into her shared room with Santana. She went to the mini fridge, pulling out a can of Sprite her girlfriend had stored there for her. Brittany grinned to herself as she sipped the soda. Santana knew her so well. It wasn't the kind of bond you found twice in your life. Santana had her quirks. She often put her foot in her mouth. Brittany knew the latina loved her, though. She understood her, more than anyone else. Brittany, in turn, was the same with her. Santana may have her secrets, but Brittany knew the girl never cheated on her, and never would. Santana had promised to tell her everything. Brittany wasn't one hundred percent sure she was ready to hear everything, but she didn't want to be blindsided again like she had today, either.

Her thoughts being drawn back to the present, she remembered what she was supposed to be doing. Santana had given her an important responsibility, a chance to help Quinn, and for Santana to gain at least some small amount of redemption as well. First thing on the list, catch Rachel. Brittany had done that. She continued to sip her Sprite as she looked back through the open connecting door. Rachel was now shoving her clothes into her suitcase, not even bothering to fold them in her haste.

Brittany sat down the soda, feeling much better, and tried to remember exactly what Santana had told her to do next. She walked across the room to where both of their suitcases sat packed next to the main entry way. She unzipped her girlfriend's bag, digging around until she found the large pink makeup bag inside. She unbuttoned the clasp, and easily found the thick envelope nestled inside. She had seen Quinn's letter once before, making it easy to recognize now. Santana hadn't told Brittany what she was looking for, just where to find it. All her instructions were beginning to make sense now. Number two on the list, get what doesn't belong out of Santana's make up bag, done. On to number three, give this item, the letter, to Rachel.

"You aren't going to convince me to stay." Rachel said, not looking up from packing, as Brittany came back into the room.

"That isn't on the list." Brittany answered, double checking in her mind.

"What?"

"Nothing." Brittany shook her head. She closed the distance left between them, and held the letter out to Rachel. "This is yours." Rachel stared down at the letter, but didn't take it from Brittany's outstretched hand.

"Why would Santana even bring that?" Rachel asked, getting angry with the latina all over again. Why couldn't she just mind her own business?

"I honestly don't know. Maybe she thought something like this might happen and you would need to read it. It isn't like you and Quinn have the best track record..." Brittany stopped talking, realizing she was probably doing the opposite of what she should be, helping Rachel forgive Quinn, not making things worse. She pushed the letter closer to Rachel instead. "Just read it. Quinn wrote it for you to read, so you should. Maybe it will make a difference, maybe it won't. But you should at least see what she had to say that was so important she had to send it through the mail. I didn't even know there was any mail anymore that didn't have that 'e' in front of it." Brittany rambled. Rachel looked down to the stuffed, open envelope in Brittany's hand once more. She shook her head, more to herself than to Brittany, and took the letter from Brittany's hand. She stared down at it again for a few brief moments, before turning to her purse and pushing the letter inside.

"I'm not reading it now. I might, later, but I just can't right now." Rachel's hands went to her temples, massaging there lightly. All of this was giving her a headache. It was too much.

Brittany played over Santana's whispered commands again in her mind. Rachel had the letter. Almost finished, Brittany thought, remembering what she was supposed to say next.

"You know Quinn loves you, Rach."

"Mmpth", was the only way Rachel responded.

"You do. Deep down, past all that anger and hurt, you know that she does, and that everything between you two has been real". Brittany continued on, trying to mention everything Santana had told her it was important to point out, even as Rachel began zipping her suitcases, and doing a final walk through of the room to double check she wasn't leaving anything behind. "I know it's hard for you because Quinn didn't wait for you, but she was hurt. She probably thought she was never going to have a chance with you." Brittany saw Rachel roll her eyes at the excuse. "The way I see it, sure it sucks that they slept together, but Quinn wrote that letter after they did. All of this stuff with you guys really getting closer, it's happened years later. She had someone else. Probably could have had lots of someone elses. But she still chose you, Rach. One drunken night shouldn't change that. It never happened again, with any other girl as far as I know of, or boy. She loves you, Rachel." Brittany fixated on the word you, and placed a hand to Rachel's shoulder. "Read the letter, and remember that Quinn did choose you. You are special for her, anyone that really knows her can see that. She's finally in a place now where she can deal with that. It's been a hard road, and she's a made a lot of mistakes, but she made it here. You were the first girl she came to. You were the one that's made her face up to her sexuality this whole time, and you're the one that finally made her accept it, because she loves you. You know that." Brittany tried to look into Rachel's eyes, but Rachel hung her head low. Brittany kissed Rachel's forehead instead, and gave her shoulder a squeeze before releasing it and taking a step back. Rachel picked up her suitcases and placed them upright on the floor.

"You're a good friend, Brittany." Rachel said, finally looking up at the girl. "Come here." Rachel held open her arms. Brittany happily stepped into them, hugging the shorter girl tightly. "I'll see you at home, okay?" Rachel confirmed as she pulled away.

"Yeah, we're leaving first thing in the morning."

"Alright. I love you, Britt Britt."

"I love you, Rach." Brittany beamed. "Be safe, okay?"

"Always." Rachel tried to smile back. She opened the door, rolling one suitcase behind her, the other thrown across her shoulder.

"Rachel?" Rachel turned around where she was already in the hallway. "Good luck." Rachel gave the girl the best smile she could muster, and continued down the hallway towards the elevator. Once she was inside and headed down to the lobby, she pulled out her phone.

"Yes, I need to book a first class ticket please. San Fransico to New York City. It is imperative that I have a seat on the soonest flight available. Yes, I'll hold." Rachel held the phone in place with her shoulder as she hailed a cab.

Santana's phone lit up from across the table. She stretched out one arm from around Quinn's back, where the girl was still sobbing against her chest, to check the device. It was a text from Brittany letting her know it was safe for them to come back to the hotel. Rachel was gone.

**Author's Note: To Doctor-D666, thanks so much for all the love and support. I am thrilled to know I even have a straight male reader. That's awesome. Haha. I'm so glad you're enjoying the story and I hope you continue to. **

**Thanks to everyone that reviewed with their support. It's really good to know that some people at least understand where I am coming from, and that I mean no harm. I'm just writing a story, because I enjoy doing so. I'm blessed enough that some of you seem to really enjoy reading it. So thank you, so much. **

**BlackShip007, thank you for following the story and for finally reviewing. I loved getting your input and support and I hope you'll review more in the future. :)**

**RachelBarbraBerry, haelthy, xxDark Angel Babyxx, IloveDiannaAgron, and all the guests that reviewed with their positivity and opinions, thank you to all of you. I'm glad some of you at least seem to be enjoying the flashbacks. I'm really enjoying writing them, and I'll be including more throughout the story. If there is any certain scene from the first four seasons you would like a flashback of, let me know, and I will see if I can maybe write a secret faberry scene around it. I'm glad someone at least enjoys my Santana, as well. I really love both Santana and Brittany as characters and it's been fun getting to incorporate them into this story. They'll be leaving very soon in the story, but they will be missed. **

**I'm glad the Judy coming out scene was taken well. I worried a little about that. I know a lot of writers write for a lot more resistance from Judy regarding Quinn's sexuality. But I wanted my Judy to be a much more open minded parent outside of Russel Fabray's influence. **

**Puck will be coming back around very soon, within the next present day chapter or two. We'll learn what Quinn said to him during their phone call, he and Rachel will face off, and we'll get some insight into his thought process behind all of this. **

** Thank you so much to everyone who reads, reviews, follows, favorites, and all that. You guys are all awesome, and I look forward to seeing more of your reviews. I'm always open to ideas, constructive criticism, opinions, or just to chat. PM me anytime with questions or suggestions or anything you might have. **

**Much love to you all, until next time. :)**

**Updates soon. **

**Also, the full contents of Quinn's letter will finally be revealed soon. **

**PS- I changed my pen name from baker4373 to essarrkay. Baker4373 is something I just used as a starting point. I meant to change it sooner, but... It's changed now. So, just in case any of you look the story up by author, or whatever you may need it for, it is now essarrkay. **


	16. Chapter 16

Rachel sat in the backseat of a yellow taxi on her way to the airport. Her fingertips played unconsciously with the edges of Quinn's letter inside her open purse. Staring through the window next to her, flicking over the corners of each folded page without even realizing she was doing anything at all, Rachel watched the world go by around her. She watched a variety of people walking along the sidewalks of the city, sitting on benches, coming in and out of shops, and saw people focused dead ahead driving thier cars, others singing along with the radio as they pulled up next to the cab. One man even shamelessly picked his nose while the two cars sat first in line at a red light on the double laned road.

She studied the people around her, wondering about their lives. Where were they going? How did some of the people know one another? Were they native to the city, or tourists? Why were some of the people alone? What had brought them there that day, led them to that exact moment allowing Rachel to have seen them? Did they have someone special in their life? Had they ever felt betrayed by that person? Or by their best friend? Did anyone else even have a best friend like Santana? Or a small, tangled, ridiculously incestuous group of friends like the foursome Rachel was apart of? She somehow doubted it.

She felt as if they could be in their own episode of The Real L Word. There was certainly enough secrets, sexual ties, and drama to fit the usual routine of both the reality show, and it's original, fictional predecessor. If Santana hadn't settled down with Brittany the last few years, she would have made a perfect addition to the reality show's roster. Even going back to their glee club days, she had been with nearly half the members. Puck, Matt, Finn, Sam, Brittany... Quinn. Both girls had been adament that they had never went as far as sex until after they had graduated, but something definitely went on in their younger days.

Within the foursome, Rachel had only had sex with Quinn. As far as she knew, Brittany had only had sex with Santana. Santana had had sex with Brittany and Quinn. As far as just being physical went, they had all been more than friendly with one another at one point or another. Parties, alcohol, lonely nights, and being generally affectionate people had all seen to that.

Rachel and Brittany pop kissed almost everyday at home, anytime one of them was leaving the apartment. It drove Santana crazy at first, but she knew it didn't mean anything, and realized early on there was nothing she could do about it. They were just best friends. Santana should be able to understand that, afterall, considering she and Quinn had a simular friendship, especially when they were younger. There had been a couple short make out sessions between the two. The first occurring during a small party when Santana herself had dared the two girls to kiss with tongue. Santana didn't think Rachel would do it. Rachel proved her wrong. The second time had once again been when they had been drinking. Santana was away filming another slow motion run through wheat fields, when there was a party at the loft. As the hours got later and everyone was sufficiently intoxicated, Rachel had kissed Brittany several times. It had caused some problems the next morning when Santana came home to find the two pajama clad best friends in bed cuddled up together. Santana got over it, though, trusting Brittany that it never went farther than kissing. The making out stopped, but the two still slept cuddled together anytime Santana was out of town.

Rachel hadn't heard any stories of anything happening between Quinn and Brittany, but she was sure that there probably were some. They had been friends for years now, longer than Rachel had known Quinn. Being close with Brittany at all pretty much guaranteed that you were going to kiss her at some point. She was just a loving, affectionate person by nature. The two blondes had undoubtedly gotten drunk together far more times than with Rachel, and at a younger age. Yes, she agreed again with herself, they had definitely, at the very least, kissed. Rachel seriously doubted, though, that much, if anything, more had happened between the taller, fairer skinned half of their foursome.

That left Rachel and Santana, and that was an entirely different story. Memories played their way through Rachel's mind, and she felt a shiver run down her spine. Of course Santana would have to throw that in Rachel's face during her argument with Quinn. Thankfully, the latina hadn't said more.

For a very short period of time, beginning not long after the former cheerio had moved to New York, going off and on, and ending a little while after Finn died, Santana and Rachel... took comfort in one another, so to speak. It was never anything serious. One drunken night, they had kissed. Things got a little, handsy, and they awkwardly woke up together the next morning. It went unspoken of, much like Rachel's relationship with Quinn, until one night a couple weeks later, they were tumbling into Rachel's bed kissing again.

When Finn died, Rachel wouldn't have made it without Santana, and she knew the latina would say the same thing for the diva. They slept together every night, staying in bed well into the afternoon whenever they could. During that time, they stayed wrapped up in one another's arms, but they rarely kissed. When they did it was a short pop kiss, like the ones Rachel always gave to Brittany now. It wasn't about them being together romantically, or anything like that. They were just there for one another.

Rachel started talking to Quinn a lot more, in the weeks after Finn's death, over the phone, through text, skype. They were growing closer than they had ever been, while being the farthest apart they had ever been. Santana got more serious with Dani, and then Brittany. Santana and Rachel no longer needed one another for comfort or company. They returned to the love/hate relationship they were so familiar and comfortable with.

After that, Rachel would be lying if she said she had never had some sort of feelings for Santana, or that the girl hadn't had some for her. They both knew nothing between them would ever work, though. They were both stubborn, bull headed. Santana needed Brittany just as Rachel needed Quinn. Rachel felt a deep bond to Santana, but she knew it would never be or lead to anything romantic between the two of them. They always knew that.

Rachel would never have sex with Santana, and Santana did try. She always knew that eventually, she would share that moment with Quinn. Rachel didn't know if Quinn would have to get married first, or maybe they would both be married. On some glee club reunion vacation and Quinn would finally pull Rachel away to some empty bedroom and make love to her. She didn't know when or how it would happen, but she kept faith that it would. Quinn always came back around eventually. So she waited. While Quinn wasn't.

Quinn sat locked in the bathroom of her hotel room. She just wanted to be alone, but Brittany and Santana insisted she shouldn't be right now. Well, mostly Brittany insisted and Santana went along with it. Quinn sat on the side of the bathtub, with her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. Everything was falling apart around her. Rachel was gone. She couldn't forgive Quinn for Santana. Quinn knew that night would come back to haunt her eventually, in one way or another. Quinn had blown her one shot. If Rachel had only read the letter before she had come to LA. Quinn knew now, without any doubt, that Rachel hadn't read the letter. If she had, she would have known about Santana. Or at least about that night three years ago. Quinn hadn't written about anything that had happened between the two friends when they were younger. She didn't think to. It was nothing.

Quinn thought back to those middle school days, when it was still just her and Santana. They had taught one another how to kiss, being curious young girls. They had told themeselves, and one another, that it was practice for boys. Really both girls were already battling with their sexuality. Much like Brittany and Rachel, they never went father than kissing, usually only cuddling during their sleepovers.

Santana met Brittany at cheerleading camp not long after. Then Quinn saw Rachel for the first time. Feelings had never really been involved for the pair, but when they met their counterparts, they knew for sure their questions about their sexuality went much farther than their mutual attraction to one another. Santana and Brittany were immediately inseperable. Quinn was drawn to Rachel from the first instant she laid eyes on the tiny brunette. Once each girl realized that they could have feelings for another girl, not just be sexually attracted to one, the kissing stopped. It was awkward for a little while after that, but it quickly passed, and they became the unholy trinity.

"Quiiinnn." She heard Brittany call through the door. There was a light tapping noise as the girl continued to try and beckon her out of the bathroom. "We ordered room service. French toast with powdered sugar, Santana said it's your favorite."

"Come out, Q. We don't have to talk about it if you don't want." She heard Santana yell.

"Is there really going to be french toast?" Quinn asked through the door. She hadn't eaten any of her pasta at the restaurant.

"Yes, tubbers. Now get your fat ass out here." Santana answered her. It was crazy, but this actually made Quinn smile. She pulled herself up with one hand by the doorknob and opened the door. Brittany immediately fell forward onto the floor from where she had been sitting leaned up against the door.

"Quinn!" The blonde cried cherrily as she sat up.

"You look like hell." Santana observed from where she sat on the bed filing her nails. Quinn didn't even see her look up before she said anything.

"San, be nice!"

"It's alright, Brittany. She doesn't know what to say so she criticizes me. She doesn't mean it, though." Santana didn't say a word to argue with Quinn, just kept filing her nails. Quinn walked over to the bed, sat down next to Santana, and put her head in the latina's lap. Santana let out a heavy sigh, but they all knew it was just for show. She sat her nail file down next to her, and began playing with the blonde locks spread across her lap. Brittany joined them, picking up Quinn's legs and putting them over her own.

"I know I never say this, but I'm sorry. I really thought she knew, Q. I honestly thought she was lying about not reading that letter. I never meant for any of this to happen."

"I know." There was a knock on the door, to which Brittany jumped up to answer it. A young man came in with a cart full of french toast and fruit. Quinn rose to tip the boy, but Brittany was already doing it as she shoved him back out the door.

"Thank you." Quinn spoke, looking up at Santana and then over to Brittany, who was already bringing a tray full of food over to the other blonde. Quinn sat up to take the food from Brittany.

"Movie?" Santana suggested. Quinn knodded her head in agreement, and Brittany turned on the television.

"No musicals. Please." Quinn requested. Brittany settled on a horror film that had just started. She brought over two more trays of food and took a seat on the other side of Quinn. The three girls watched the movie while they ate, or while Quinn pushed the food around her plate. They didn't speak again of Rachel, but the diva was still the only thing Quinn could think about.

Rachel now sat in the airport waiting for her flight, which didn't leave for another three hours. She sat with her knees pressed against her chest, her open purse in her lap. Staring down at the frayed edges of Quinn's letter, Rachel tried to tell herself she didn't need to read it. It wouldn't change anything. Quinn still slept with Santana, no matter what the letter confessed. Her curiousity got the better of her, though, and she pulled the envelope out.

Rachel ran a finger over her name and addresse written in Quinn's handwriting on the front of the envelope. Quinn sent this letter just days before Rachel herself had decided to go to LA to find the blonde. How could that be? That they both felt that the timing was now? Even with that connection and all that intuition, though, things between them had still fallen apart. What was the point of bringing them together just to tear them apart again? Maybe this was what they both needed. Quinn needed this time with Rachel to see that it could never work and she should marry Puck. Rachel needed this time with Quinn to finally make sense of everything that had happened between them, and to finally move on. Rachel shook her head to herself. That couln't be it. It couldn't be over already, before it had even really gotten started. She felt her heart begin to race. She didn't know if it was because of the mere thought of there being an ending with her and Quinn, or because she knew she was holding what was probably a direct view into Quinn's heart and mind, in her hands.

Rachel gave in, turning the envelope over and carefully removing the pages. She brought the paper up to her nose, hoping it would smell like the blonde that she already missed. It didn't, and Rachel felt a sharp pain in her chest upon realizing this. She had barely been away from Quinn for a couple of hours, and already her heart hurt missing the former head cheerio.

She wanted to forgive Quinn, or a large part of her did. It felt like that was all she was ever doing, though, forgiving her, for one thing or another. The teasing, the slushies, the all around bullying, everything with Finn junior year, everything that had happened over the years between them, and now not telling her about Santana, Quinn was always apologizing for something.

Rachel's thoughts were drawn back to what Brittany had said to her earlier. "It's been a hard road, and she's made a lot of mistakes, but she made it here. You're the one that finally made her accept it, because she loves you." Did the outcome excuse the process? Something else Brittany had pointed out, Quinn did come to Rachel, even after Santana. At that point, Quinn knew she could be with another girl. Hell, she could be with pretty much any other girl. This was Quinn Fabray. She wanted Rachel, right now anyway.

Rachel couldn't understand what had taken Quinn so long. If she had been comfortable enough in her sexuality to have sex with Santana over three years ago, why was she only now reaching out to Rachel? That's what hurt the most. Aside from the betrayl itself, Quinn not coming to Rachel first when she was comfortable enough to be intimate with another woman, and the blonde not telling her. That more than three years also hurt and confused Rachel. What had taken Quinn so long?

Realizing she still had so many questions only urged her forward. She unfolded the papers, hoping they were still in their original order despite so many people fondling through the private pages. She realized very quickly that Quinn had taken care of that problem for her. There was a small number with a circle around it in the right hand corner of each page, marking its appropriate order. Rachel ran her fingers again over the loopy handwriting in front of her. Glancing through the pages, she noticed several little marks that looked very much like tear stains. Rachel hated the thought of Quinn crying while writing this. She touched one of the marks as her eyes began to burn. She hadn't read one word yet and she was already fighting tears. How was she supposed to stay angry with Quinn if she was already falling apart? Rachel sat up straighter in her seat, moving her legs to the floor and crossing them in front of her, her body tensing in preparation.

Quinn lay with her head on Santana's chest, the latina playing with her hair, and Brittany spooning her other side. None of them had spoken in a couple of hours. The horror film had ended and they had began watching old episodes of The Golden Girls. Quinn was fighting sleep comfortably wrapped up between the couple protectively.

"I am totally Rose in this show." Quinn heard Brittany whisper to Santana above her head, making her girlfriend laugh. The movement of Santana's chest only stirred Quinn lightly as she slipped fully to sleep.

**Author's Note: I know this chapter is probably a little shorter than what you guys have gotten used to. I apologize for that. Prepare yourselves, though. A lot is going on in the story right now. Next chapter will solely be Quinn's letter, nothing else. I'll probably post that later tonight, tomorrow at the latest. Chapter after that will be Rachel's reaction to the letter, and Santana and Brittany's return to NYC (Will Rachel be there waiting for them? Or will her plans change after she reads the letter?). Puck's return will also either be in that chapter, or the next. As well as what was said during Quinn's phone call to him interrupting that last diner in San Francisco. I feel like I keep saying that he is right around the corner, but he really is. Promise. Be patient just a little longer, please. **

**Thanks for everyone's reviews and everything again, as always. Doctor-D666 I completely agree with what you were saying about Quinn, and thanks for the compliment. "Annoyingly good", I'll take that haha. I'm glad the flashbacks were able to provide a little more insight as to why this is such a big deal for Rachel. The flashbacks are there so that we can get to know the characters better and understand them more. Rachel is absolutely being a hypocrite right now, but should we honestly expect anything else from her? A classic diva storm out for a classic diva freak out. **

**I'd love some suggestions, ideas, things you would like to see in flashbacks, anything like that. I have plenty of material. but I think it would be fun to get my readers a little more involved if you're willing. Please continue to review. It keeps me motivated to continue, even if the reviews aren't always positive. I love constructive criticism. I also love all your encouragement, of course. **

**As always, you guys are amazing. Thank you all so much. I hope you're all having great days as you read this, and may tomorrow only be better. **


	17. Quinn's Letter

**Author's Note: I feel like this is the big moment. Here it is. The letter that started it all. **

**_Rachel, _**

**_I have written very many variations of this letter throughout the years, but never with as much confidence that I will actually be able to send it, as I do now. I want to apologize up front for any rambling I may do, or deflection I may momentarily use. I'm ready for this, for honesty, but I would be lying if I said it wasn't still a struggle for me. I'm a ball of nerves right now, believe it or not. Bare with me, please. I do have a point, I promise, which I will get to. I apologize too for the sloppiness of my handwriting. My hands are already shaking and I imagine they will only get worse the longer I write, the more I confess. _**

**_As you read this, I imagine you're going to ask yourself the question: why now. There are a lot of reasons actually. We are no longer children, as I'm sure you have noticed. I've grown up and I've had a very long time to consider and work through all of my issues. I can't honestly tell you I have completely conquered them all, but for the first time, I know what I want and I'm actually willing to admit it, go after it. Even if only through a letter. _**

**_I'm going to try and just jump right in. It may seem slow going to you, but I do hope you will realize what a big deal this all is for me. Everything that I am about to admit to you I have never admitted to anyone. Not even myself fully until very recently. You are the first person I will share this secret with out loud, just as you have been the only person I have really shared it with all these years. _**

**_I've known I was attracted to girls for pretty much as long as I can remember. When I was Lucy, I excused my being so enamored with girls as me just being jealous of their beauty. Then I was beautiful, and it didn't go away. While I was watching movies with my friends and they would fawn over the boys, I couldn't tear my eyes away from the actresses. I would pretend to be interested in the same things as them, but I really wasn't. It became a practiced act that I am very good at, pretending to be like everyone else. _**

**_I knew I couldn't tell anyone, of course. I was raised in a church where such things are unacceptable, the worst of sins. My family's most prized poccession was their reputation. Having a gay daughter would never stand in their socially driven lives. So I convinced myself it was just innocent attraction. I dated boys. I thought they were handsome enough, and I joined the celibacy club so there would never be any question of sex. I never developed feelings for any of them, though. I couldn't, it seemed. I reasoned this away with the fact that I had never had feelings for a girl, either. _**

**_Everything got a lot more confusing when I met you, Rachel. Freshman year, Mrs. Upton's english class, you came in looking down at something you were carrying, and ran right into me where I was standing just inside the door. We were both kneeled down, picking up our things, muttering apologizes, and I looked up to see those big, beautiful brown eyes staring back at me. I felt something right then, something I had never felt before. I swear, I almost kissed you right then, right there. I wanted to stake my claim to you, but I knew I couldn't. Instead, that was the first time I called you Ru Paul. _**

**_I'm so sorry. I wish so much that I was the type of person that could have told you how I felt right there, told you how gorgeous you were, how you made my stomach do somersalts. We both know that I didn't do that, though. I made your life a living hell, trying to fight a battle with myself because of my feelings for you. If I had feelings for you, it meant it was all real. I really was gay. I wasn't just physically and sexually attracted to girls. I wanted to be with you, even back then, and I hated myself for it, because I couldn't hate you. _**

**_The following year, you kissed me for the first time, after you found out Shelby is your mom. The pregnancy hormones had me losing my mind. I couldn't admit it, even to myself, but I cared so much for you, and I hated having to watch you go through so much without any real friends. I started telling myself that I would try to take care of you the best I could in secret, because everyone deserved to have someone on their side, something I never had. I acted like I was doing a sort of charity. In reality, I just wanted to be close to you. I know it definitely didn't usually seem like it, but I did always only want what was best for you. So I stayed behind to make sure you were okay that day, and you kissed me. _**

**_I kept coming back after that. I couldn't stay away from you, even though, believe me, I tried. I dated boys, tried just staying alone, but no matter what I did, you were always there, dominating my mind and owning my heart. Everytime we have been together, Rachel, just you and me, those have been the best and truest moments of my life, to this day. _**

**_Now we are on opposite sides of the country. I haven't seen you in person for the better part of a year. In ways, we are closer than we have ever been. I talk to you more than I talk to anyone. You know me in ways that no one else does. You remain the only person that I have ever had real feelings for. I am tired of lying Rachel, to myself, to you, to everyone. I am sick of hiding. _**

**_I know I am taking a huge risk by writing this. I could lose your friendship. I sincerely hope that will never happen. Even if you do not feel anything for me Rachel, please remain my friend. I will no doubt be angry at the rejection at first, but I will still care deeply for you, and I will always want you in my life. I wouldn't know what to do without you. _**

**_I don't expect this to change anything. I want it to, but I don't expect you to just come running into my arms. I know I have never been your first choice. I know how much you loved, still love no doubt, Finn. I know I can never take his place in your heart. But I could make you happy, Rach. I know I could, if you let me. You might not think of me as anything more than a friend now. Maybe you never have. You did kiss me first all those years ago. You initiated what led to both of our first orgasms. You never pushed me away or asked me to leave during any of our meet ups over the years, even being the aggressor during a few of them. I don't know what any of that means, and I do not assume that it means you have any real romantic feelings for me, not enough to start a relationship immediately anyway. I don't even know if you can ever fully forgive me for everything that I have put you through. All I need is a chance, one chance, to show you how much you really mean to me. _**

**_I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you are the only one for me. I tried everything, everything, to forget about you, to prove to myself that I didn't need you. Everything just pushed me right back to you even more though. The boys, the distance, Santana._**

**_There's something I have to tell you. You probably won't even care or understand why I'm telling you at all. Why would it matter to you? In the sake of full disclosure, though, and it is another answer to the question why now, even if it was more than three years ago. I slept with Santana. It was after Mr. Schue's no go of a wedding a few valentines days back. I went to find you, but you were... busy. I was being nosey and I got hurt because of it. I always knew Finn was your first choice, that I was, at best, a distant second. That never made it any easier to see, though. I was hurt over you and Santana was hurting because of Brittany and Sam. We used our fake ids, got drunk, one thing led to another, and we slept together. _**

**_After I sobered up, I couldn't believe I did it. I had always imagined that moment with you. I didn't know if it would ever happen, but I had always known that I wanted it to be with you. I felt guilty, like I'd cheated. Isn't that weird? But I can't regret it. It showed me something. _**

**_I'm gay, for sure. I am much more physically attracted to women than I am to men. I've never been able to develop strong romantic feelings for a guy, as I said, and you are the only girl that I have ever had feelings for. That night, with Santana, I was lashing out. I thought that, maybe, I could be with another girl. Maybe it wasn't just you that was so special. I had been telling myself that girls weren't really my problem, that you were. I wanted to be over you. I wanted to show myself that it didn't have to be you, that I could be happy with another girl, if I let myself be. You loved Finn. You were happy with him, after all, even if technically, the two of you weren't dating at the time. Why couldn't I have somone else? It was all a lie, though. Santana proved that to me. I beat myself up for a long time because of what happened that night. _**

**_I may be gay, but after that happend, I knew for sure there was only one girl out there that I would ever be willing to change my entire life for. I enjoyed what happened with Santana on a purely physical level, but it meant nothing. There was no feeling behind it. Because you are the only person in this sorry world that has ever been able to make me feel anything like that, like love. _**

**_As you know, I have been casually dating Puck the last couple of years. He proposed a few weeks ago. I didn't give him an answer. I couldn't. I told him I needed time. _**

**_The first thing that came into my mind when he asked me to marry him, was you. I love Puck, as much as I can love a boy. He's been a good friend to me since Beth, and we are bonded because of her. He doesn't push or pressure me. He's never around. It would be a marriage of convienance. He would have someone to play housewife on the rare occasion he comes home. He would have a home to come to, that wasn't a cramped back bedroom at his mother's house, while still getting to live just as sexually free as he would if he were single. I would get a lifetime beard. I could do a lot worse for one. At least Puck knows me more than most. He's seen me at my darkest, a few times, and still loves me in his way nonetheless. Who else would ever want to marry me knowing sex would never be on the table? That it would be a sham of a marriage of nothing more than a deep friendship at most? Because that is what it would be, with Puck, with anyone but you. You are what I want, Rachel. You are all I want. _**

**_In all those moments we escaped together, I was more myself than I have ever been. Something about you, it makes me feel safe while somehow inexplicably petrifying me. You are what I fall asleep thinking about, and who I dream of waking up next to. I want you in everyway, everyday, forever. That's probably too much for you. Maybe you would have been more receptive to us forming a relationship had I just asked you out like a normal human being, but I've never been one to do anything half way. The point of this is to finally be honest with you, after all this time. I have wanted to tell you since that first day in english class how I feel about you. I've written dozens of these letters confessing my feelings for you, begging you to keep my secret. In some of them, I would plead with you to be with me. Rant on about all the ways you have hinted, insinuated, flirted, anything that you have done to make me think you might actually be interested in me, too. In others, the pages would be crinkled with tears as I wrote of how much you obviously loved Finn and how I know I will never be able to be your first choice. _**

**_I do know that. I know that if Finn were here, you would be with him. I miss him everyday, and I mean no disrespect, but he isn't here anymore. I am here, and I love you so incredibly much. I think Finn would approve. He can probably see now, know, that I would never ever hurt you again, Rachel. I would protect you, always be there for you, do anything and everything I can to make you happy for as long as you will let me. I know he really loved you, and would want what is best for you, for you to be happy. _**

**_I think you and I have a real shot at that, at happiness. You seemed happy, in our times together. We smiled, laughed together. We cried and comforted one another. It's funny how we have already been through so much, but we've never really been together. _**

**_Then again, I could just be making all this up in my head. You were always so obsessed with Finn afterall. That much was never really in question. I would have taken so many more chances with you, but I knew better, because of him. I know it is idiotic to still be jealous of him now, but I can't help it. I am jealous of the place he will always have in your heart, bigger than the one I hold. If I hold any part at all. _**

**_I have myself convinced that I might be, at best, a distant second choice for you. When in reality, anything we shared in the past could have been just you going along with it because you were afraid of what I would do to you later if you didn't, or just being polite, or maybe you have questioned your own sexuality a time or two. It felt like you had feelings for me in those moments. It felt like there was more. That could also just be me wishful thinking. I hope it isn't. _**

**_I hope somewhere, however deep down, there are feelings for me buried somewhere within you. I hope the connection I feel, and have always felt, so strongly to you, goes both ways. I hope you have found yourself thinking of me in those last seconds before sleep takes over your mind. I hope it is me holding you in your dreams, though I am sure that honor is still reserved for Finn. I hope you will get this letter, and tell me to come to you, because I wasn't making anything up. Because you do have feelings for me, you always have. _**

**_Even if that isn't the case, though, even if you have no feelings for me at all... if there is ANY possibility that you could, one day, if you are willing to try, I will try Rachel. I will fight for you. I know it is a fight that I am very late to, but I am here. I am fighting, and I will not ever stop. Even if I only ever get to be your best friend, I will be the greatest damn best friend to you that anyone has ever seen, quietly loving you all the while. _**

**_There is no one else for me. I have proven that over and over again to myself. As long as I have you in my life, somehow, I will still be winning. I may only ever get to look at your lips, but my mouth will water at the thought of getting to kiss them. Our hands may only ever graze from time to time as we walk through life together as friends, but I dream of holding yours. I may never make love to anyone my entire life, because it is only possible for me to with you, but I will fantasize about that moment forever. A few years from now, you and I will probably find ourselves standing as maids of honor at Santana and Brittany's wedding, even if we never speak of this letter, I will be picturing the two of us at that alter. A decade from now, thirty years from now, if we are still only friends, know that when I look at you, and my eyes grow hazy and my words falter, I will be thinking of how beautiful you are, and how much I have always and will always love you, Rachel Berry. Even if we never speak of it again, which I suppose would be some cruel and hilarious joke of karma, and nothing that I do not deserve, I had to tell you the truth. I have to know the truth. I can't go on knowing that I could be wasting time with you, time we could be together. If you say no, if you don't want to acknowledge any of this at all, if you want things to stay as they are, whatever happens, at least I will know for sure. _**

**_I know I don't deserve it. I know I could never possibly deserve you. But, give me a chance. Please. I will show you that this time is different, that I am different. I will show you how much I regret all the time I have wasted fighting you and not fighting for you. And I promise that I won't waste one more second living without you if I don't have to. I will spend every moment proving to you how much I am completely and irrevocably in love with you. I will scream it from the rooftops. I would be proud and honored to call you mine. _**

**_I know you aren't used to me talking like this, or being so honest. I'm not used to it, either. I'm never this honest, not even with myself. I was never okay enough. I was always sure, deep down, about you, but I was never strong enough to deal with it. I was never ready. Until now. _**

**_I am ready. I know I have no right to say that now, after the way I have treated you, after all this time, but I'm hoping you'll be your usual amazingly positive self, and have a "better late than never" attitude. _**

**_What I am trying to say is, from this moment forward, no matter what happens, no matter who we are with, or how much time has passed, you can come to me, and I will be here. I will drop everything, and change my life for you, to be with you. Don't hesitate to come to me, whether it is now, in six months, six years, or sixty. I will always love you, Rachel Barbra Berry, and I will always, always want you. _**

**_Be with me. _**

**_I love you. _**

**_Let me prove it to you. _**

**_I will die trying. _**

**_- Forever yours,_**

**_Lucy Quinn Fabray_**


	18. Chapter 18

"Excuse me? Are you okay? Miss?" Rachel felt a hand on her shoulder and her head shot up. Her face must have held an intimidating look, because the stranger stepped back a couple steps. "I'm sorry, I just... I was sitting over there waiting for my flight." The young girl pointed behind her. "I could hear you crying." Rachel continued to just stare at the girl. She looked to be somewhere between 19 and 22, Rachel guessed. She had wavy blonde hair that flowed down to past the middle of her back, and big green eyes. She wore a light blue summer dress with a navy cardigan over her shoulders. Studying the girl through her tear filled eyes, Rachel was reminded of Quinn. Of course, she could have probably seen a middle aged overweight, bald man and would have thought of Quinn.

This thought made tears spill over Rachel's swollen eyes faster again, and she choked back a loud sob. She closed her eyes tightly and hung her head back down. Maybe if she ignored the intruder, she would go away and leave Rachel alone again.

Rachel couldn't stop crying. She had tried for the first hour that she had sit here after reading the letter, but she only cried harder as she read it for a second time, a third, a fourth. Her eyes hadn't left the pages she was desperately clutching in her hands as she cried, at first silently, but quickly building to hysterical sobs she fought to contain while her body shook.

As she read the letter the fourth time, the one the girl had interrupted, she felt herself panicking even more when she realized she could no longer tell the difference between the stains on the papers that had already been there, been Quinn's, and the ones that Rachel had made since opening that envelope for the first time herself. She immediately became angry with herself for contaminating Quinn's letter with her own emotions. Quinn had shed tears while she had written out these words. Rachel had seen the proof of it in the tear stains on the page. Now, there was no proof. Rachel had begun to shake her head to herself as she realized that every page was damp with her tears. Seeing all the evidence behind Quinn's emotion in and on the letter, it had made Rachel feel closer to the girl. She still had the words in front of her in Quinn's sloppy, loopy handwriting, but the proof of her tears were gone, washed away by Rachel's careless reaction to the letter

Rachel thought about that, about how she had literally washed away Quinn's own feelings with her own by crying onto those pages. She had wanted to appreciate the feelings shown there, Quinn's feelings, protect them. It hit her like a ton of bricks just how much this really happened with Rachel in everyday life, shoving other people's feelings and opinions to the side because of her own, especially with Quinn.

She felt a hand on her back, and remembered that she wasn't alone. Guess this girl couldn't take a hint. The stranger rubbed soothing circles on the top of Rachel's back. Rachel wanted to tell her to go away, but she couldn't control her tears enough to.

"It's okay. You're okay." The girl said. Rachel looked up at her then. Was this girl stupid? Clearly Rachel was not okay. She was on the verge of hyperventilation. "You need to get control of your breathing. Try to take deep breaths." Now she wanted to talk about breath control with Rachel? Rachel Berry? Rachel did as she said though, remembering her training. After a couple of minutes, Rachel managed to no longer be gasping for air, but her tears kept flowing.

"Why are you doing this?" Rachel asked the girl.

"Well, if I was sitting alone crying, I would want someone to be there for me."

"I would have been fine." Rachel claimed, wiping her eyes.

"You would have ended up unconscious on the floor."

"I have thorough training in breath control. I would have remembered it eventually."

"My bad then." The girl said with a little venom to her voice, and went to stand up. Rachel put a hand over the girl's wrist to stop her.

"Thank you. That's what I meant to say." The stranger sat back down.

"I'm Gin." She introduced herself, holding out her hand to shake Rachel's.

"Rachel Berry." Rachel answered, shaking the girl's hand.

"Oh my gosh. I thought I recognized you. You're the girl that revived Funny Girl. I've seen your show. You are amazing."

"Thank you. I'm sorry we had to meet in these circumstances. I'm usually much more put together, I swear." Rachel defended as she wiped the last of her tears from her cheeks.

"Can I ask what had you so upset?"

"You aren't a reporter are you?"

"No." Gin laughed. "Just a fan." Rachel didn't seem convinced. "Who can keep a secret." Gin continues, seeing Rachel's apprehension. Rachel debated it, deciding she could use the advice of someone outside of their circle of friends.

"It's kind of a long story."

"I guess it's a good thing my flight doesn't leave for another two hours then." Rachel took a deep breath before beginning.

"It all started when I was fifteen, and I literally ran straight into the love of my life."

Quinn woke up the next morning with Santana nearly on top of her, and Brittany cuddled up to her side. She didn't move for a few minutes. She had almost believed she would wake up this morning with Rachel back in bed with her. The huge fight from the day before just being an awful nightmare. No such luck, though. It was real.

Quinn leaned up the best she could to look at the clock next to the bed. The alarm she had set yesterday before going out to dinner to make sure they all made checkout, was set to go off in three minutes. Quinn's stirring must have woken Santana, who opened her eyes and immediately got a grin on her face.

"Been a long time since you and I were this close, Q." Santana winked down at her, making her roll her eyes at the latina.

"You really think now is the time to joke about that, San?" Both girls were surprised as Brittany spoke. Neither of them had realized the taller blonde was awake.

"Shit. I didn't even think about it, Quinn. I..."

"It's okay." Quinn interrupted. "Could you get off of me, though?" Santana complied, rolling next to Quinn and onto her back. Quinn reached over Brittany to turn the alarm off before it could go off.

"Do I have to move too?" Brittany asked sadly, cuddling back up against Quinn.

"Absolutely not." Quinn pulled Brittany a little closer, the contact comforting Quinn slightly. "We do have to get up, though. Check out is soon."

"Ugh." Santana and Brittany both groaned, making Quinn laugh just a little.

"We can get breakfast before your guys' flight, if you want." Quinn suggested. She was already dreading saying goodbye to the girls.

"Yeah, we should have time." Santana answered. She would never admit it, but she wasn't looking forward to parting with her former captain either. Especially at a time when Quinn was so fragile. She had had all her dreams come true with Rachel, and lost her, all within less than two weeks. Santana didn't think sending Quinn off alone to LA was the best idea after all that. She knew the blonde would never hear it, though. She would never let the two of them follow her back home, even if the couple could move around their schedules to allow it. Quinn wanted to go home and wollow. Santana knew it.

She was the first to get up, wanting to ensure they would indeed have enough time for breakfast before their flight in a few hours back to New York. Prefurably, a long breakfast. Maybe she would actually be able to get Quinn to talk to her about everything. She had to make sure that she would be okay once she was alone. Also, she really wanted to find out if Quinn had any sort of plan. Was she going to go after Rachel, fight for her in someway? Or was she just going to go back to Los Angeles to bury herself in her covers and cry for a week, something like that anyway?

As the three girls shuffled around the conjoined rooms getting ready to leave the hotel, Santana was forming a plan of her own. First, to convince Quinn not to give up on Rachel, if she was considering it. Second, to get her two friends back together. Or together, since they had never actually been official, and Quinn technically had a boyfriend? Santana shook her head at herself in the bathroom mirror as she brushed her teeth. All of this was just so fucked up. She would have to make sure that Quinn had dealt with the whole Puck situation when she had called him yesterday. Though, knowing Quinn as well as she does, she seriously doubted the blonde would have broken up with the boy over the phone. She could be cold sometimes, but not that cold. Not after everything the two of them had been through together. So dealing with Puck was probably still an issue. She closed the hotel room door behind them as she added that to the list of things in her mind that she needed to talk to Quinn about at breakfast.

Rachel watched as a single tear rolled down Gin's cheek as the girl read the last page of Quinn's letter. Rachel was sitting sideways in her seat, with her knees bent up against her chest, her head resting atop them. She had told Gin everything, or all the important stuff. She had went over the first time she had met Quinn, glee club, the undefinable relationship she had held with the cheerleader throughout high school, and what it had become since. When she had finished telling Gin about the fight earlier that day, or the day before now as it was well after midnight, she had only hesitated for a moment to let the girl read the letter. As Gin folded the pages back up and placed them back into their envelope, she wiped the tear still on her cheek away, and cleared her throat.

"That was really intense." She said, handing the letter back to Rachel.

"I know." Rachel sat up straighter, but stayed sideways in her seat so that she could better meet the other girl's big green eyes. "What do you think I should do?" Rachel was eager for an unbiased opinion. This girl had never met Quinn, and didn't really know Rachel at all.

"Can I be honest?"

"Yes! Please." Rachel answered, a bit too anxiously.

"From the way you have been talking to me this whole time, telling this love story about the two of you... you don't talk about it like it's over. I think you already know what you want to do." Gin spoke hesitantly. She didn't know how Rachel would handle the blunt truth. Rachel stared into the eyes before her, considering what the fellow flyer had said.

"I'm really glad you came over to check on me." Rachel spoke, smiling, after a few minutes of silence. "It would have taken me a lot longer to accept that on my own. If I didn't end up unconscious on the floor, of course." They laughed. "Thank you." She said sinerely, laying her hand atop the girl's.

"It was an honor. This is a fan's dream, really." Gin laughed. "Now go get your girl." Rachel leaned over and kissed the girl's cheek, jumping up to gather her luggage.

"If you're ever back in New York, and find yourself at one of my shows, tell the guys backstage that you're there to see Patty LaPone. They'll bring you to me." Rachel looked back over her shoulder to tell the girl.

"Thank you. I will. Good luck, Rachel." Rachel was already walking hurriedly up to one of the desks. Being so late, she actually didn't have to wait.

"Hi, I need to cancel a flight." Rachel demanded, slapping her ticket down on the counter. "And can you please tell me where I can rent a car?" Rachel was going to Los Angeles.

Quinn waved to Santana and Brittany as they walked away to board their plane. She would miss them, but she knew she would talk to them soon. She felt better than she had earlier this morning, now having a a basic plan and knowing she had the two girls' help.

When Santana first brought Rachel up during their breakfast, Quinn tried to dismiss her. She wasn't eager to talk about everything yet. Honestly, she wasn't sure if she could handle it without breaking down right there over her eggs. As is often the case with Santana, though, she wasn't going to let it go.

Did she honestly think that Quinn was going to give up on Rachel, just like that? After everything? There was no way, and she was quick to assure the latina of that. She knew Rachel well enough, however, to know that the hot headed diva would need time to cool off before she would be anywhere near willing to see reason. Rachel was hurt, upset, and angry. She stormed out for a reason. Quinn wasn't sure how or when, but eventually she would have reached back out to Rachel. Now, though, she would have her two best friends' help with those things.

Brittany and Santana would go back to New York and gather intel for Quinn. They would see if Rachel had calmed down at all, or if she was still as angry as she had been when she stormed from the restaurant yesterday. Santana told Quinn that Brittany had given Rachel her letter, but the brunette hadn't read it. They would figure out if it remained unread, and try to convince Rachel to read it if she still hadn't. If she had, and she was still too upset with Quinn to forgive her yet, then Quinn would wait until a time when she could. The couple each agreed to take their turns talking to their roommate on Quinn's behalf. Brittany insisted none of this would be necessary, though, saying Quinn would probably see Rachel before they would.

While all of this was going on in New York, Quinn would be doing her own part in Los Angeles. There was another major obstacle in she and Rachel finally getting to be together. When Rachel did forgive her, Quinn didn't want there to be anything standing between them really being together anymore. She knew even more now that making that phone call yesterday had been the right decision. Granted, her abscence had been what gave Santana the oppratunity to start this whole mess, but it still had to be done.

Quinn opened her car door, and slid into the driver's seat. She turned the key in the ignition, but made no move to pull from the airport parking lot as she recalled the phone call yesterday. She wasn't sure how Puck had done it, but he had somehow managed to convince them to let him leave base for a couple days. He had no doubt claimed some family emergency. Quinn had gotten the text late last night from the boy confirming that he could meet her at her loft today as she had requested over the phone. She could tell from his voice that he knew something was up. She offered him no explanation. All she told him was that she had to see him today. It couldn't wait. He assured her he would make it happen, and he had. Puck could very well already be in LA at her apartment. He had a key. He could wait for her comfortably. All the more reason for Quinn to take her time.

**Author's Note: Thank you guys as always. Let me know if you see what's about to happen here. :)**

**I'm going to post a flashback chapter soon. It probably won't tie into what is going on in the present story line of the fic at all. Just a flashback to see a little more into the girls' past together. **

**Thanks so much to everyone for all the love I got on the letter. I put a lot into it and it's really great to know it paid off. **

**I hope you're smiling. And if you aren't, smile now, because you make me smile by reading this, and that's worth smiling about. :) Have the best of days. I'll update soon.**


	19. Flashback-Senior year

Rachel paced just outside of a hospital room door. She was careful not to walk past the door itself, afraid someone in the room might see her through the small window. She tried to gather up enough courage to knock or to walk straight into the room. As soon as she hung up the phone at home, she had grabbed her car keys and sped to the hospital. Once she arrived, however, apprehension took over and she had been pacing for a half hour at least. She didn't know if the girl was alone inside the room, but she did know it'd be a bad idea to go in if she wasn't. Quinn may be lucky to be alive, but Rachel seriously doubted that that changed anything between them. She hadn't sounded angry on the phone, but she very well could be. It was Rachel's fault she was in the position afterall.

Rachel had caused all of this. It was her wedding Quinn was driving to, her text message she was trying to answer when that truck slammed into her car. Quinn had every right to be angry. Rachel was extremely upset with herself. Why shouldn't Quinn be? The blonde didn't know it, but everything leading up to the accident, it had all been a big game, a ploy used by Rachel to try and get her way. If she had just been honest with Quinn, anytime really, but she had the perfect chance to tell Quinn everything when she had asked her about that song in the hallway after Regionals.

"When you were singing that song, you were singing it to Finn, and only Finn, right?" Rachel hesitated for a couple seconds. It had been a long time since she had seen the girl in her cheerio's uniform. It sent a chill down her spine, and made her breath hitch in her chest at the same time. The uniform was intimidating at first to Rachel for obvious reasons, but Quinn looked so beautiful. She knew graduating as a cheerio was important to the blonde, and it showed now in the smile on her face.

After a moment, Rachel knodded her head, just barely. It was all she could bring herself to do. She was sure she fit the description of looking much like a deer caught in headlights. She didn't want to lie to the cheerleader, but she didn't want to make it that easy for her either. She wanted Quinn to confess her own feelings to her, not ask quesions so Rachel would confess hers first instead. It was at Quinn's request that they never talked about their feelings or the things that would happen between them, that they always acted like none of their private time happened after the fact, even to one another. So it was Quinn who needed to speak up or do something to change that. Asking a loaded question was far from a confession, or even acknowledgment.

"He really does make you so happy." Rachel squinted her eyes at Quinn slightly, trying to figure out where she was going with all of this. It didn't seem like it was going to be the conversation Rachel had been hoping for, but she made herself smile a little anyway. If Quinn wasn't going to be honest, then they must still be playing their parts. So Rachel would act accordingly. "I want to support you, Rachel, and Finn... and come to the wedding, if it's not too late."

"No." Rachel got out, making herself smile more. She would play the role of excited bride to be, but she felt the disappointment rolling through her. As she hugged Quinn, though, she still felt some hope. Hope that maybe all of this wouldn't be for nothing, and Quinn was only coming to the wedding to stop it. Rachel had tried so many things throughout the years trying to make Quinn finally tell her how she felt. Nothing worked. The wedding, all of this, was a last ditch effort for Rachel. Surely Quinn wouldn't actually let her marry someone else. Quinn would come into the wedding looking stunning in her bridesmaid dress, and pull Rachel aside to tell her not to go through it.

Rachel could slap herself now for her idiocy. Quinn was lying in a hospital bed, paralyzed from the waist down. Yeah, Quinn had stopped the wedding, but definitely not in the way Rachel had hoped. She stopped walking suddenly as she saw a nurse approach Quinn's room and open the door slightly. She looked over to Rachel, just a couple of feet from the door.

"Are you here to see her?" The nurse knodded her head to the door she was still holding open a crack. "She's awake. You can go in."

"I... I will." Rachel faltered. "I wouldn't want to get in the way. I'll wait until you're finished in there."

"Rachel?" They both heard come from the hospital room. Damn it, Rachel thought. Now she had to go in. The nurse opened the door fully and looked at Rachel expectantly. Rachel got the feeling that she had done this on purpose. No doubt all of the nurses were tired of Rachel stomping around in front of their station. She glared back at the woman as she walked through the door.

Rachel looked at the frail girl in the hospital bed, using her arms to push herself up into a sitting position, and instantly felt tears sting her eyes. Blankets were pulled up above Quinn's waist. Other than a couple of minor scratches to Quinn's face, there was no proof of the life changing accident the girl had just had. She could have been in there from a bicycle wreck, by the looks of her. A stranger would have never guessed that this girl had just been paralyzed from the waist down. Rachel looked down to the floor, trying her best not to start crying hysterically. The nurse walked to Quinn's bed and looked over all the beeping machines there, scratching notes on her clipboard.

"What's your pain like right now, scale of one to ten?" The nurse asked Quinn. Rachel didn't look up, but she could feel Quinn look over to her before answering the nurse.

"It'a about a seven right now." Quinn almost whispered. Rachel slumped her shoulders and felt the first tear roll from her eyes. Quinn was in pain, seven out of ten pain, and it was all her fault. The nurse pulled out a syringe and added something to Quinn's iv.

"You'll start to feel better shortly, but you will probably get very drowsy, too. Don't fight the sleep. You need the rest." The nurse looked over to Rachel pointedly as she left, closing the door behind her. The room went quiet. Rachel couldn't bring herself to look back up at Quinn. She didn't want the girl to see her crying. It felt rude and selfish for her to be the one crying, when Quinn was the one who had lost so much.

"Rachel." Quinn said firmly after a few minutes.

"Yes?" Rachel answered lowly.

"Stop beating yourself up about this." Rachel looked up to Quinn then, who met her gaze. The hazel eyes there were soft, not angry. Rachel released a deep breath she hadn't realized she had been holding. Quinn hadn't sounded mad on the phone before, but she couldn't be sure until now, looking into those hazel green eyes. Rachel turned around, walking back over to the door to lock it. She looked around the room, searching for something. Quinn watched her with her head cocked sideways. Rachel saw a bag on the floor with some of Quinn's clothes in it, and picked up a long shirt. She then went to her own purse, rummaging around and pulling out a roll of duct tape.

"What are you doing? You just carry duct tape around with you? That's kind of creepy." Rachel walked back over to the door, placed the shirt over the small window, and taped it in place covering it entirely. She threw the tape back into her purse, and walked to the side of Quinn's bed.

"So no one comes in, or sees us." Rachel looked at the bed, not at Quinn. "Can you scoot over at all? Can I help you?" Quinn grabbed her legs from over the covers and moved them to the side. Then used her hands against the bed to push her torso over as well. Rachel watched this and couldn't hold back the tears anymore. She choked out a sob as her shoulders slumped and her head dropped. Quinn held out one arm, and Rachel climbed up into the bed, laying right up against the blonde's side, head on her chest. Quinn placed her arm tightly around Rachel's waist, holding her closely. Rachel let the tears flow, not being able to stop them now. Quinn let her cry it out, not saying anything, just holding her tightly while sobs shook the small girls body.

Rachel had gotten much quieter, her tears calming. Quinn placed a kiss to the top of the brunette's head.

"Are you okay now?" Quinn asked. Rachel snickered.

"You shouldn't be asking me if I'm okay. I'm not the one that a truck slammed into."

"No, but you are the one who was just hysterical about it."

"Why aren't you?" Rachel leaned up on one elbow to look at the girl beneath her. "Why aren't you crying, or bitter, or angry? Why aren't you mad at me?"

"Do you have any idea how lucky I am to be alive, Rachel? That truck didn't just hit the car. It hit me, directly on the driver's side. I shouldn't even be lying here with you right now, but somehow, by the grace of God, I am. I think this is one time, I will definitely be focusing on the positive side of things." Rachel considered this, laying her head back on Quinn's chest for fear that she would start crying again.

"You can't walk..."

"No, I can't. That won't be true forever, though."

"What do you mean?"

"I still have some feeling in my legs sometimes. Like right now, I can kind of feel your leg over mine. It's more like I can feel the weight of it than I can feel the touch of it. I know that doesn't make any sense, but... The doctor said that with a lot of physical therapy, it's very possible that I can regain full function." Rachel wondered if this was true, or if Quinn was just telling her this to try and make her feel better.

"I hope that's true, but... either way, I'll be here. Anything I can do, I'll..."

"No." Quinn interrupted.

"What?" Rachel asked dejectedly.

"You are not going to try and take care of me Rachel. You aren't going to come here everyday. You aren't going to push me in my chair around school. This isn't your responsibility. I'm not your responsibility."

"How can you say that?"

"Have you forgotten I was coming to your wedding?"

"That's exactly my point."

"No, Rachel. I was coming to your wedding. You were getting married to Finn." She paused for a moment. "I'm not your responsibility", she finished sadly.

"Quinn, I..." Rachel started, understanding now what Quinn meant.

"No. It's okay. Like I said before, he makes you happy. I'll always support your happiness. I just don't want you to ever lose sight of your dreams, especially not for a boy." It wasn't what Quinn wanted to say, but it was very true. She wanted to spill everything to Rachel, especially after her near death experience. All that happened, the accident, it made her see what was important. As much as she wanted to tell Rachel that she loved her, she didn't want the girl to be tied to Lima. She wanted what was best for Rachel, and that was her going to New York and fulfilling her dreams. What could Quinn offer her anyway, especially now? "Just promise me something, okay?"

"Anything." Quinn could tell from the girl's voice that she was struggling with tears again.

"Promise me that you'll go to New York, no matter what." Rachel didn't answer at first, considering this.

"I promise." She conceeded. Silence enveloped them again.

"That nurse wasn't kidding about me feeling better later." Quinn spoke up after a while, laughing lightly.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, my pain is defintely gone. I feel kind of loopy, actually." Quinn continued to giggle. "She was right about it making me sleepy, though, too. My eyes keep trying to close on their own."

"Oh. I'm sorry. I'll let you rest." Rachel tried to rise up, but Quinn stopped her with her arm still around the smaller girl's waist.

"Stay with me until I fall asleep?" Quinn requested. Rachel settled back into her side, placing a kiss on her cheek before resting her head again on her chest.

"Of course." She answered, closing her own eyes.

"But Rachel..."

"I know, this doesn't change anything and it never happened. I'll pretend I haven't seen you."

"I'm sorry." Quinn surprised Rachel with the words.

"For what?"

"How things are. How things have to be." This was the most Quinn had ever even acknowledged anything between the two of them. Rachel knew it was probably the drugs making the blonde be so honest, but she couldn't help but try to take advantage of the situation.

"But why do they have to be this way, Quinn? I know you don't want people to know, but I think I have made it more than clear that I can keep a secret." Quinn didn't say anything. Rachel prepared herself for the girl to lash out at her honesty, but Quinn still didn't answer. "Quinn?" Rachel leaned up to look at the blonde. Quinn lay with her hair spead across the pillow around her scratched face. Her eyes closed, breathing lightly through her nose. "You're asleep aren't you?" There was still no answer. This is just my luck, Rachel thought. Quinn was finally kind of talking to her openly, and she falls asleep when the conversation has barely started. Rachel shook her head to herself. She leaned down, and placed her lips lightly to Quinn's.

"Mmm." Quinn moaned out, puckering her lips to kiss Rachel back.

"So that's what it takes to wake you up?" Rachel laughed.

"Who could sleep through Rachel Berry kissing them?" Quinn asked groggily, still not opening her eyes, but tightening her hold around Rachel again. "Again?" Rachel continued to laugh at the doped up girl, and brought their lips together again. This kiss lasted longer, their lips moving together.

"Why can't it always be like this?" Rachel asked once she pulled away.

"Like what?"

"Like this." Rachel placed another quick kiss to Quinn's lips.

"Mmm, how do you expect me to answer questions if you keep kissing me." This time it was Quinn who leaned up to capture Rachel's lips. Rachel pulled away again after a moment.

"Apparently no amount of pain medication can take away from your mastery in deflection." Rachel accused.

"I'm not deflecting."

"Then answer me."

"What was the question again?"

"Why can't it always be this way? Why can't we always be this way?" Rachel huffed out in frustration.

"Oh. I don't like that question."

"Quinn."

"You were marrying somone else."

"No one told me I had an option of being with anyone else."

"You have to leave, go to New York."

"You could go with me." This made Quinn laugh.

"You don't mean that, and I couldn't, not like this."

"Quinn, I would do anything..."

"You shouldn't have to. I don't want to talk about this anymore. My head hurts." It was a lie. Her head didn't hurt, but she couldn't have this conversation anymore. Afraid that she would be asked to leave, Rachel dropped the topic. She reached up to place a kiss against blonde locks.

"All better."

"Thank you."

"Do you think you'll remember this tomorrow, anything after you got the medicine I mean?"

"I don't know... but even if I do, I'll pretend that I don't." Quinn answered honestly, already falling asleep again.

"Well I hope you do. I hope you remember this." Rachel kissed Quinn firmly. Quinn kissed her back through her half asleep haze, their lips moving together.

"I hope I do, too." Quinn said as Rachel relaxed back onto her chest. Quinn fell asleep quickly after that. Rachel kissed the girl's cheek, and got up carefully from the bed. She went to her purse, taking out a gold sharpie, and walked back over to the bed. She picked up one of Quinn's hands, and drew a heart on the back of it. As she gathered her purse and took Quinn's shirt down from covering the window, she held hope that when the girl woke up, she would look down, see the heart drawn on her hand, and know who put it there. Rachel closed the door behind her, praying that that small heart would help the blonde to remember her being there, their conversation, their kiss, even if it didn't change anything, and she knew it wouldn't.

**Author's Note: Doctor-D666, you're on the right track with your guess for the next present chapter, but it isn't quite that simple. :)**

**Rachel will not be walking in on Puck and Quinn at all.**

**Yes, Puck is almost gone. I know a lot of you are more than ready for that. **

**I'm not insulting polyamory. All we know about Puck is what Quinn has said about him. We don't actually know anything he has been doing. Puck is with other girls, yes. Is he looking for another partner, absolutely. I realize a beard isn't a primary partner, but to the outside world that doesn't know Puck is Quinn's beard, she would be considered his primary partner, and he's looking for another. Does he maybe go about that in the wrong way, or the wrong order, usually bringing sex into the equation way early, probably. But I do know what polyamory is and I was in no way insulting it. **

**Thank you to everyone as always. You guys are amazing.**

**Hope you enjoy this flashback, just a bit of background into our soon to be couple. **

**Next chapter, we get to know Puck a lot better, Los Angeles, and Quinn takes her time going home the one time she wouldn't want someone else to beat her there. **

**Thanks so much. Much love to you all. Updates soon.**


	20. Chapter 20

Rachel pulled into the lot of Quinn's apartment building, and parked the brand new Lexus she had rented back in San Fransico. She still hadn't slept. She went straight from the airport, to Enterprise, and immediately began driving as soon as they had given her the luxiorous car. She had stopped once to use the bathroom and get a coffee, and one other time to get some breakfast at a small cafe. She took her time while she was there, ordering another coffee and eating her food slowly. She checked her email and all of her social media accounts. She responded to an email from the producer of Funny Girl to confirm she would still be coming back to work in four days for Friday night's show. She ignored one from her publicist, doubting it was anything important. She was probably just letting Rachel know that she had some event to attend in the next couple of weeks. Nothing that couldn't be dealt with later. She thought about texting Quinn, but decided, as she had repeatedly since reading the letter, that anything she had to say to Quinn was better left to be said in person. So Rachel ordered the vegan ice cream she was pleasantly surprised to see on the cafe menu, to kill some more time.

Quinn hadn't told her when she had planned for them to return to LA. She only knew that they were supposed to be checking out of the hotel this morning. Would she come straight back to Los Angeles after taking Santana and Brittany to the airport for their flight, which Rachel also had no idea what time that was? Or had she left to come home yesterday after Rachel had left herself? Rachel didn't have the answer to any of these questions. So she decided that she would go up to Quinn's loft, knock on the door, and find out if the girl was home yet or not. If her knocks went unanswered, she would wait for Quinn to return home, either in the hallway outside of her door, or in the Lexus.

If she was indeed forced to wait, she didn't doubt for a second that sleep would overtake her. She was exhausted. She had been running for hours on pure adrenaline, focused soley on getting to Quinn's front door. She could feel her tiredness beginning to catch up with her, but she pushed herself onwards.

She glanced around what she could see of the lot looking for Quinn's car as she shut the driver's door of the rented car. She didn't see it, but there was a lot of parking spaces she couldn't see from her spot. There was parking on the other side of the building, as well. She hadn't asked Quinn before if there was any sort of assigned parking for residents, so she didn't know if there was a particular place where she should look for Quinn's car. Rachel pressed the button on the car key she held to lock the Lexus doors as she walked away from the car and towards the entrance to the building in front of her. The car gave a loud sqeak, and Rachel pressed the button once more. She had a quirk about even numbers.

Rachel began the long climb up the stairs to Quinn's loft. She hoped the girl was home already. Other than desperately needing to get some sleep, Rachel also didn't want to have to wait any longer for the blonde so that she could apologize for the way she left San Fransico, and, hopefully, this could all finally be over. They could finally be together.

She was still upset with Quinn for what had happened between her and Santana. It really hurt her that Quinn hadn't waited, saved her first time being with a girl for her. Santana had been right though, back at that italian restaurant, Rachel was being a bit of a hypocrite. After she had some time to calm down, that became much clearer. She and Quinn were never in any kind of relationship. She couldn't expect the blonde to never be with anyone else while she herself was. She had only ever had sex with Finn and Brody until Quinn. She was pretty sure that Quinn had only ever been with Puck and Santana. That made them kind of even.

There was also the issue of her moment with Finn that Quinn had seen that night. Actually, there was the issue of Finn in general. After reading Quinn's letter, she realized just how turned around Quinn had their entire situation. This whole time, Rachel assumed Quinn would know she had always been her first choice. Why else would she have always dropped everything to be with Quinn, no matter who she was with at the time or what was going on? Rachel thought it was obvious. Obviously not.

Rachel found herself pacing outside of Quinn's front door. She tried to gather herself, make sure she remembered everything she needed to say. She knew it was very likely she would take one look at Quinn and lose everything she wanted to get out. Rachel reminded herself that Quinn very likely wasn't even inside the apartment. She probably hadn't made it home yet. Rachel straightened her back, smoothed out her skirt, and placed her hands at her sides in fists. She had thought about this fully, considering all the problems, and had a plan to talk about it. She was ready. She raised a fist and knocked loudly on the door.

Rachel had forgotten about one major problem, however. One huge thing still standing in the way of her and Quinn finally really being together. She was quickly reminded of it when the door swung open suddenly. Only it wasnt Quinn who answered the door. It was Noah Puckerman.

Quinn sang along to the radio as she drove towards home. She stayed in the slow lane, in no rush to get to her loft, or the boy waiting there for her. She laughed to herself as she watched a mini van jet by in the fast lane. Soccer moms were passing her by. She shook her head, turning up the radio, and kept just at the speed limit.

Puck swung the door open expecting to find Quinn behind it, though he didn't know why the girl wouldn't just use her key, as he had done with his own when he had arrived in the early morning hours. It had been surprisingly easy to get a pass to leave base for a couple of days. He had been promoted in his rank a few times over the last few years. He was sure had he still been a private, he would have never been able to leave at the beginning of the week on such short notice.

He had been completely honest with his superiors about his reasons for needing to leave. He told them about asking his girl to marry him back when he proposed. It had become a bit of a joke around the base, actually, that Quinn still hadn't given him an answer. So when she called out of the blue telling him she had to see him asap, he went straight to his commanding officer to tell him the news. He asked Puck what he was waiting for, and then followed him out of his office to start making bets with the other gbuys on whether or not Quinn was about to reject him or make him a soon to be married man.

Puck could have saved them the trouble, and a lot of their money. He knew Quinn wasn't going to say yes. He was never convinced that she ever would, but he definitely knew she wasn't going to after that phone call. He could hear it in her shaking voice as she told him she needed to see him. Quinn wasn't calling him to her to accept his proposal. She was summoning him to dump him, and he knew it. As he heard the loud knock against the front door, interrupting the Robert Di Niro mob movie he was watching where Bob had one hell of a hot daughter, he stood up straight and tried to prepare himself for what he knew was coming. He put on his best Puckerman charm smile, and flung the door open. It wasn't his soon to be ex girlfriend waiting for him on the other side of the door, however. It was Rachel Berry.

"Rachel? What are you doing here?" Puck asked, surprised, as he stepped to the side to let her in.

"I'm here to see Quinn." Rachel answered as she came into the loft and dropped her bags just inside the door. She looked around the room anxiously. "Is she here?"

"No, she hasn't made it back yet." Puck was confused. "I thought she was on her way back here with you?"

"I... We got seperated." Clearly there was more to that story. "Have you talked to her today?"

"Yeah, she called a couple of hours ago when she was dropping Britt and Santana off at the airport. She's on her way back, but I'd say she's still going to be a little while." Puck gestured over to the couch. "Make yourself comfortable. Do you want something to drink? Are you hungry?" Puck walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge, shuffling around inside. "We've got apple juice, bottled water, cherry coke, or beer?" Rachel watched him move around the apartment with a grimace on her face. He obviously knew his way around. He was comfortable here. Comfortable enough to treat Rachel like she was his guest. She wasn't his guest, and this wasn't his home.

"I'll take a beer. Thanks." Rachel said through gritted teeth.

"It's five o clock somewhere, right?" Puck took two beers out of the fridge and set them down on the small kitchen island. "I'll have one with you." Puck had a feeling he was going to need a drink soon anyway. He opened both beers and pushed one over to Rachel.

"So if you guys were all together for your girl's weekend in San Fransico, why are you here now and Quinn is still on the road?" Puck tried to sound casual. He could tell that Rachel was upset. Her eyes were red and swollen, and she had that determined look on her face that she always got when she was really focused on something. She was Rachel Berry, so she still looked hot, but she also looked like she hadn't slept in a couple days. He knew his prying could very well set her off on him.

Rachel thought carefully over what to tell the boy.

"Santana was being Santana and she pissed me off. I couldn't be around her anymore. So I left, and I came here to meet back up with Quinn. I beat her here, obviously." It wasn't a complete lie. It had been Santana that caused the whole fight with Quinn yesterday. She couldn't tell Puck the whole truth, but at least she didn't have to lie to him either. Right now anyway, many more questions and she would be forced to lie to the boy. "What are you doing here anyway?" Rachel turned the questioning around on him. "I thought you went back to base when we left for San Fran?"

"I did, but Quinn called me yesterday and asked me to meet her here today." Rachel wondered if that had been what the phone call Quinn had left the dinner table for had been about, or if she called Noah back after her stormout and asked him then to come here. That could mean two very, very different things. Rachel didn't know how to ask a question like that without raising crimson red flags for the boy, though. "Are you hungry? I think I asked that already, but I don't remember what you said." Puck rambled out nervously.

Something was clearly going on between Quinn and Rachel. Like he didn't know that already, but by the way Rachel was acting now, the fact that she didn't know Quinn had asked him here, and she hadn't talked to Quinn since yesterday as far as he could tell, something was wrong between them, or more wrong than usual. When he had seen Rachel here with his girlfriend and when they had almost immediately fled to San Fransico, he figured things might finally be heating up between the two of them. Then when Quinn called him, sounding like she did, he assumed she was about to break up with him for Rachel. Now he didn't know what to think. The two girls were obviously fighting.

"I didn't answer you." Her stomach growled loudly, answering for her. Rachel covered her stomach with her arm, looking down begrudgingly. "I actually ate a little this morning, but you wouldn't know it from the sound of my stomach." She had barely taken a bite of her pasta yesterday, and had only had a muffin when she stopped this morning. "I can find something to make, though." She moved around the island towards the fridge, but Puck held up a hand to stop her.

"Let me. I insist." Puck started rummaging through the fridge, pulling out some things and sitting them on the island. "I actually really like to cook. I know that's not manly or whatever, but... When you grow up with a mom that works full time and a little sister to feed, you pick up a few things." He moved over to the cabinets and removed a few more things before placing pans on the stove. "You don't have to think when you cook, ya know? You just follow the recipe written out, or in your head. I like to get creative with it, create my own bomb ass dishes. For a couple hours, until whatever I'm making goes into the oven or comes off the stove, I get to forget about everything else. Getting to eat it afterwards is awesome, too." Puck laughed as he began chopping up vegetables. "You're vegan right? I'll make a kick ass spaghetti with grilled vegetables. Sound good?" Puck stopped moving for the first time since he had basically demanded Rachel let him cook for her, to look over to Rachel now.

"Sounds fantastic." Rachel answered honestly. She was famished. She would have never in a million years guessed that she would ever be in this situation, with Noah Puckerman cooking her a nice vegan meal. She certainly didn't expect the boy to remember that she even was vegan. He was full of surprises today, starting with him opening the door instead of Quinn. Only God knows when she will actually show up, might as well pass the time filling her empty and growling stomach, Rachel reasoned.

It wasn't just the food that sounded fantastic to her, though. The way Puck described cooking, he made it sound so relaxing and peaceful. She could definitely use something to take her mind off of everything. She knew that would be pretty impossible with Puck standing just feet from her, but if chopping up a couple squash might pull her mind away from Quinn, she was open to trying.

"Can I help? Since you made it sound so fun." Puck laughed with Rachel, and pushed the cutting board with the knife across the island to her. He handed her a squash and a zucchini. Rachel began cutting the squash carefully, thankful for the distraction. "I swear I don't remember all this being in her fridge before." Rachel said absentmindedly.

"It wasn't. I went grocery shopping after I got here. Quinn and I usually cook dinner together when I'm here." Puck looked up to see Rachel's smile turn to a grimace. He hadn't thought about how the words might effect her until after he had already spoken them.

"Sorry." He mumbled, turning back to the stove. Rachel's head snapped up.

"Wait. What?" She shook her head. "Why are you apologizing to me?"

"That hurt you, what I said about Quinn and I usually making dinner together when I'm visiting. I'm sorry. I should have thought about it before I said it." Rachel's jaw dropped and a blush covered her cheeks. She was so confused. Did Puck know? If he did, what the hell was going on? He just apologized to her for making her jealous over his girlfriend.

"How do you know it hurt me?"

"Well for one thing your face told on you for sure, but your knuckles also went white you were gripping that knife so hard. I was afraid for my life there for a second." Puck grinned at her teasingly. How was he being so casual about this? It was like he was trying to cheer her up.

"I don't know what to say." She didn't. She was afraid of asking the wrong questions, revealing too much if Puck didn't know everything. If he did, then she really didn't know what to say. What does a mistress say to the boyfriend of her lover?

"You don't have to say anything. I understand if you don't want to talk about it. That's what the knife and veggies are for, remember?" Puck pointed to the knife still gripped tightly in Rachel's hand. She didn't know if her holding the knife was making him nervous, or if he just wanted her to hurry up so he could get on with cooking, but she kept going regardless. If she was focused on the squash, she didn't have to make eye contact with him.

"How long have you known?" Rachel almost whispered some time later as she finished cutting the zucchini and reached for the onion Puck had peeled earlier.

"About as long as everyone else, I guess. So just about forever." Puck laughed, until he looked over to see Rachel wasn't smiling, and he stopped. "I mean, I never knew for sure, for sure. I just kinda figured."

"You kinda figured?" Rachel mocked. "Why does everyone keep saying that? Well, not that. Everyone else put it a little more eloquently, but... Have we really been that obvious this whole time?"

"You really have. I don't think there is anyone that knows you both that doesn't know." Rachel grew quiet, considering this. If that were true, Puck had known this whole time. He knew everything and he still...

"Then what the hell, Noah?!" Rachel yelled, waving the knife around in front of her absentmindedly.

"Woah, hey hey. Let's put the knife down if you're going to yell at me." Puck held out his hand, and Rachel placed the knife in it. He took the cutting board and onion from her and continued where Rachel had left off with it.

"Noah Puckerman! I'm serious. Don't ignore my question."

"What is your question exactly?" Puck asked, not looking up from his task.

"If you've known along, then what the hell have you been doing?"

"Can you be more specific?"

"You know what I mean, Noah. With Quinn, what have you been doing with Quinn?"

"Loving her, protecting her."

"You can't really think you're going to get off that easy. You be more specific."

"Ask better questions." Rachel stomped her foot in frustration.

"If you know she's gay, why are you dating her?"

"I don't know she's gay. I just know she's gay for you."

"Okay, same question. Why are you with her?"

"I think at first, to be completely honest, I thought I could make her fall in love with me anyway. Like with time, I could be good enough to her for her to really love me back." Rachel watched Puck wipe at his eyes with the back of his hand. She didn't know if it was the onion making him tear up or the conversation. "At some point, I don't really know when, I accepted that she couldn't love me like I love her. It wasn't that hard. You would think I would have been a mess about it, or pissed off, but I wasn't. I was just admitting to myself what I had known since we were all fifteen sitting in that choir room. From the outside looking in, everyone thought you and Finn were like this epic romance. Those of us in glee, those of us that really know you guys, we know that you and Quinn, that's the real love story. Can you really blame me for wanting to play my part in that as long as I could?" Puck sniffed and had to wipe at his eyes again. "I know she's only been with me as a beard. I'm not an idiot. I mean, yeah she cares about me more than she would just some random guy. We've been through a lot, me and Quinn. She's my girl, like my bro. Which means I want whats best for her, and for her to always be safe. There was nothing I could do to make her accept her feelings for you any faster. If I broke up with her, she would just go out and find herself another beard. When has Quinn ever really been single for longer than a few weeks? If she's going out, dating all these random guys, or even if she found one guy to date, do you really think he would be as understanding as I am about Quinn's no below the belt rule? Hell no above the belt rule. Making out is pretty much as far as it's ever going to go with Quinn. How's some random guy that doesn't know her like I do, love her like I do, handle that? I don't trust people. There are a lot of sickos out there. Plus, Quinn tends to put herself in dangerous situations because she thinks she's a badass. Yeah she kind of is, but not as much as she thinks. She starts to trust a guy a little bit, has some drinks with him alone. Guy ends up getting drunk and date raping her. Or being a pushy ass hole like I was back in high school. He could be a damn serial killer for all anyone knows." Puck was getting very riled up about this hypothetical person. Rachel could tell it was genuinely because he worried so much about the blonde. "My point is, she's safe with me. I never pressure her for sex, not since that first time. I'm never around so she still gets to live her life. Can you blame me for still kissing her and spending time with her when I can? Sure, I guess you can, but can you really blame me? If Quinn Fabray kisses you do you really not kiss her back? I had to keep up the pretence, too. Quinn would have never stayed with me if she knew that I knew why she was really doing it. She may suspect that I know, but she isn't sure. She wouldn't let me do that to myself, or she wouldn't let me do that for her, rather. I don't know why, but Quinn's brain works backwards like that. Like she thinks she's hurting me less somehow by lying to me. So I had to act like I still believed. And like I said, she's Quinn Fabray, of course I'm going to kiss her if I can." Rachel walked over to the coffee table in the living room, grabbed the box of tissues that sat there, and brought it back to sit it down in front of Puck. "It's this damn onion." He defended.

"So then why did you ask her to marry you?"

"Honestly, I kind of met somone back home, back at base I mean." Rachel tilted her head sideways looking at Puck.

"How does you meeting someone else add up to you proposing to Quinn?"

"I thought it might finally snap her out of it. I never actually thought she would marry me. I asked you for help proposing to her because I figured one of you was bound to finally grow some balls and do something about your feelings. When I saw you walk in the door with her that night, I thought it had worked. Then you guys went off on your girl's weekend, and she was calling me a couple days later telling me she had to see me right away. So I really thought it had worked. But based on the way you look and the way you came here, I'm guessing there's already trouble in paradise?"

"Excuse me. The way I look?"

"Oh, don't worry, Rach. You still look fine as hell, even with your puffy eyes, your red nose, and those dark circles under your eyes."

"I'm glad to see your crying like a little girl hasn't affected your charm." Rachel teased back.

"Fucking onion." Puck mumbled as he slid all the now sliced veggies into a skillet on the stove next to the already cooking pasta.

"So you aren't angry with me?"

"Not at all. I'm really proud of you, actually, if something is finally going on with you and Quinn. I'm really proud of both of you."

"I might have screwed that up."

"I don't see how that would even be possible." Puck shook his head as he stirred the spaghetti sauce. "That girl really loves you. I mean like repressed, pent up since she was fifteen, verging on creepy loves you." He laughed.

"It isn't creepy." Rachel defended. "It was amazing, and I blew it."

"What happened? Talk to your jew bro."

"Did you know she slept with Santana?"

"Woah, what? When?"

"After Ms. Pillsbury ran out on her and Mr. Schue's first wedding."

"Well, go Santana." Rachel stomped her foot. "I mean... I'm sorry?"

"Quinn didn't tell me. Well, I guess technically she did because she wrote it in the letter, but I didn't read it. So I didn't know. Then Santana let it slip, and I kind of freaked out."

"Okay, first off, what letter? Second, how big of a freak out are we talking here?" Rachel leaned against the island, took a deep breathe, and started at the beginning.

Quinn put her car in park in the parking lot of her apartment complex. She thought about popping her trunk to get her luggage out, but decided she didn't want to carry it up all those flights of stairs after her long drive. She walked slowly through the lobby, and up the stairs, still dreading the talk she was about to have. She hoped Puck wouldn't be too angry with her. She planned to tell him everything, finally be honest with him about it all. If she were him, she would probably hate herself after the confession. As she stood in front of her door, searching her purse for her keys, she prayed she wouldn't lose her friend. She had no idea what was waiting for her on the other side of that door.

**Author's Note: I'm posting this chapter in a bit of a rush, so I apologize for any mistakes.**

**Filmaddict it's good to have you. :) **

**Thank you all for your kinds words, as always. **

**I'm thinking about giving you guys a flash back next chapter just to torture you and make you wait longer for Quinn's reunion with Rachel and her dealing with Puck. :p I might. I might not. We'll see what I feel in the mood to write next I guess. Hehe. **

**You guys are awesome. I hope you're having great days surrounded by people you love. If you aren't, and you're feeling a little lonely, know you aren't alone, and I hope this story helps to make you smile. Much love to you all.**

**Updates soon.**


	21. Chapter 21

Senior Year

Quinn drives down the road with the windows down and the radio turned off. She taps the steering wheel anxiously with two fingers. She knows the path she drives very well, living at the house for a while during her sophmore year, after her father kicked her out, and driving there a few times in the last couple of years as well. She doesn't need to think about the drive at all in fact, she knows the way so well. She does it on a sort of auto pilot. Which works for her, because she needs to focus on what she must say once she arrives at her destination.

She wished there was a way around this surprise meet up. She tried every way of finding one, but there was none. No one could talk any sense into Rachel. Everyone had tried, her fathers, Kurt, even Tina.

She was risking a lot today. Although, not really, because high school was over and it didn't really matter what anyone in Lima other than her small group of friends and her mother thought. Still, though, she wasn't ready for her life to change, or for the way the people in her life saw her to change. So she would have to be careful with her argument, if she could. As she saw the name Hudson on the mailbox as she pulled into the driveway, however, she knew she would make whatever argument she needed to to get the job done. She was desperate, or she wouldn't have come to him, and desperate times call for desperate measures.

Quinn straightened out the creases in her skirt with her sweating palms as she walked to Finn's front door. She had text Kurt earlier, who she had previously told as little of her plan as possible to get the minimal amount of help she needed, to make sure Finn was home, and not with Rachel. Kurt was currently on his way to Rachel's house to occupy the girl, and to make sure she didn't interrupt Quinn's talk with Finn in any way. Kurt had mentioned something about a musical marathon. No doubt still trying in his own way to slap some sense into Rachel, making her watch what she was so eagerly giving up. She was grateful for the boy's help, and she knew he would keep his mouth shut. He loved Rachel, too, in his way, and wanted what was best for her.

She took a deep breath, put on her best HBIC face, and knocked loudly on Finn Hudson's front door. She placed both hands on her hips as she waited, glare trained on the door, ready for it to open.. She knocked again, this time kicking the door as she knocked so it would be louder inside the house, and took up her stance again. After a moment, the door swung open to a dopey faced Finn.

"Quinn? What are you doing here?" He asked looking around, confused.

"Rude." Quinn responded harshly. "First you make me wait forever for you to answer the door. Then you don't even invite me in." She glared up at him expectantly.

"Oh, sorry. Yeah, come in." He stepped to the side and held the door open. "I was playing a really intense round of Call of Duty." He said this as if it were an acceptable excuse.

"Amazing." Quinn said coldly, pointing him towards the couch to sit down. He was smart enough to do as he was told, and took a seat.

"What's amazing?" He asked nervously as Quinn stood over him.

"It's amazing that the girl you supposedly love is about to throw all of her dreams away for you, and you're at home playing video games." Finn looked down at his hands in his lap.

"Oh."

"Oh? Really? That's all you have to say?" Quinn's hands were back on her hips, which she gripped tightly, fighting the urge to reach out and slap the boy in front of her. He wouldn't make eye contact with him, which only further fueled her anger. "I asked you a question!"

"I don't know what you want me to say. You know I tried to talk to her. We all have. She's Rachel. She's stubborn. I tried to change her mind." Quinn scoffed.

"You didn't try. You barely had a conversation with her." Quinn moved two fingers to Finn's chin and forced the boy to look at her. "But you're right. No one is going to be able to talk her out of deferring for a year. That's why the time for talking is over." Quinn released his chin and replaced her hands on her hips. "We are now in the time of taking action."

"What do you mean?" This obviously made him even more nervous.

"You have to do something. If she isn't willing to go without you, you don't give her a choice."

"I don't understand."

"Shocker." She deadpanned. "You need to take yourself out of the equation, Finn."

"What like break up with her? I can't do that. I love her."

"Prove it." She challenged. She was. She was standing here proving it. "If you really love her, you wouldn't let her stay here, Finn. Sure, now it's just for a year, but what happens when you don't get in anywhere next year. After you and Rachel are married? Maybe she gets pregnant, then you're raising a family. She will never go, if she doesn't go now. I think if you're honest with yourself, you know that. You're afraid of losing her. I get that. Believe me, I really do, but if you really love her, you'll set her free." Silence engulfed them for a long time. Quinn moved over to the couch at some point and sat next to Finn. She knew exactly what he was feeling. She was feeling it, too.

"She'll try to stay anyway. Get me back." He almost whispered after a while.

"So go somewhere she can't follow you. Do you really want to stay in Lima while everyone else leaves onto bigger and better things anyway?"

"What's stopping her from just wallowing in Lima after I'm gone, hoping I'll come back?"

"Figure it out. Be mean if you have to. Do whatever you have to do to get her to New York City." Quinn wasn't asking, and Finn knew it. He also knew she was right.

"I'll do it." Quinn sighed a breathe of relief, relaxing her body. "But I want to know what there is between you two?" She felt her body instantly tense again.

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't do that. Don't lie to me. Everyone acts like I'm this big idiot, and maybe I am, but no one is that stupid, Quinn, or oblivinous."

"Oblivious." She corrected.

"Whatever. I knew for sure when she wouldn't marry me without you. I mean you, of all people. Why would it be so important for someone that she had spent most of her time knowing, hating, and that hated her, to be at her wedding? I suspected a little before that, mostly because of the jokes everyone would make when you guys weren't around and the ones Santana would make even when you were. I never really payed attention until that day, though. You didn't see her when she found out about your accident, or the days and weeks after that. Since we're basically over now anyway, I might as well go ahead and admit that her and I have never been the same since then. She pulled very far away, and then came crashing back into me harder than ever. Something happened between you two back then, I don't know what, but... Like she stopped believing she could have you so she threw herself into me. I may be just a dumb jock, but I'm not blind, or deaf, or completely inept." Quinn sat now with her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. This was too much. She couldn't handle hearing about how Rachel cared about her, and their past together. Not on top of letting her go. Finn put his hand on her knee. She swatted it away, but he only replaced it on her back. "I'm not the only one letting Rachel go here. We kind of shared her. We might as well be able to share this." Quinn hated herself for it, but she burst into tears. Within an instant, Finn's arms were around her and she was sobbing against his chest while he cried above her.

They sat crying like that for a long while. Eventually sobs began to quiet, shakes became quivers, and tears lessoned. Sometime after that, when Quinn felt reasonably confident she could keep it together, she pulled herself out of Finn's arms. She sat up, wiping at her eyes.

"I..." Finn tried to say something, but Quinn looked up to shoot him a glare that let him know they were no longer talking. She straightened out her skirt, and stood up. It was eerie how quickly she went right back to HBIC.

"Get it done." She commanded, turning to walk towards the door.

"I"ll do whatever I have to do." Quinn had her hand on the door. "She loves you more, ya know." Finn said suddenly.

"You're wrong." With that, Quinn closed the door behind her, and fought the urge to run to her car. Finn was wrong. Rachel had always loved him more, or she wouldn't have had to just go through any of that. As she slid into the driver's seat, she reminded herself, desperate times call for desperate measures. The important thing was, Rachel was going to New York, whether she liked it or not.

Quinn drove once again on auto pilot. She fought breaking down long enough to drive out of sight of Finn's house, but then she lost it all over again. She didn't even realize where she was going until she was pulling into the familiar driveway. By this time, she was nearly hyperventilating and could barely see through her tear filled eyes as she ran to the front door, knocking loudly and persistantly.

"Quinn?" Puck asked as he opened the door, and saw the sight of the hysterical girl. "What the hell? Get in here." He grabbed her hand and pulled her into the house, closing the door and taking her into his arms. "What happened? Who's ass do I need to kick?" She shook her head against his chest as she continued to cry. "Don't shake your head at me. You can't stop me. I don't care who it is, I'll..."

"Puck!" Quinn had to yell and pull herself out of his arms to get the boy's attention. "No one did anything to me. There's no one to beat up."

"Oh." He responded, pulling his crying friend back to his chest. "Then what is it?" Quinn stepped away again, looking around the small house.

"Is your mom home?"

"No, she's working, and my lil' sis is staying over at a friends. We're alone. What's up?" Quinn walked around the couch and plopped down, putting her head in her hands. Puck took the seat next to her, instead of the one at the opposite end of the couch, and placed his hand on her knee. Unlike when Finn had made the same gesture, she didn't swat his hand away.

"If you try to cop a feel right now..."

"Come on, baby mama, you really think I'm that insensitive?"

"Yes."

"Fair enough, but I promise to stay a gentlemen, at least while you're still crying." He nudged her in the side playfully. "Now tell me what has you so upset."

"Everyone's leaving." She lied. It wasn't everyone that was bothering her, just Rachel.'

"Did you and Joe finally have the inevitable break up talk?" She raised her head to look at him like the idiot he must be if he really thought Joe had her in this amount of disarray. "Another boy then?" Quinn was about to tell him how stupid he was when one corner of his mouth pulled into a grin. Realizing that the boy was just giving her a hard time, she actually started laughing, shaking her head.

"You are an idiot." She spoke her thoughts aloud.

"Not as much as you might think." He gave her a look that instantly made her laughter stop. "You'll see _everyone_ again. They aren't leaving forever." The way he said _everyone_, Quinn knew the boy was aware it was only one person that had her such a mess.

"Isn't that kind of the point, though? That _everyone_..." She played along, thankful that she had someone she could at least kind of talk about Rachel with. "... does leave forever? To follow their dreams? Some people are just bigger than Lima and all the other people in it, even if some other people are getting out and doing better things with their lives or trying to make themselves better people, more deserving people. Some people are still bigger than those other people and all the people... They have to go because it's the right thing to do, even if they don't think so themselves, and even if it doesn't always feel like it to the people that care about them, and I..." Tears were falling harder from hazel eyes again as her voice quivered during her rant. Puck interrupted her full fledge freakout by taking her face in between both her hands and forcing her to look at him.

"You're doing the right thing, Quinn."

"Are you sure, because I..." She pulled her face from his hands and looked at him confused. "Wait, what do you mean?" She hadn't told Puck anything about her plan to get Rachel to New York or her conversation with Finn.

"Finn called me freaking out right after you left his house." As soon as he had opened his door to find Quinn, he was pretty positive he knew exactly what had her so upset. As much as it hurt his own heart to see her so upset over someone else, he would always comfort, help, or protect the blonde in any way he could. That's why he feigned ignorance on the whole matter, because he knew it wasn't something she was willing to talk about, or even could.

"Oh God." She put her face back in her hands, feeling the blush creeping up her neck and into her cheeks. Of course he knew she hadn't been talking about everyone. He was probably still on the phone with Finn when she knocked on his door. She had obviously came here right after leaving Finn's, making it more than obvious the real reason behind her tears. She shook her head in her hands. She might as well have just told him she had feelings for Rachel. Her mind began to race over things she could say to cover her tracks, lies she could give the boy that would make him think she was here about anything other than Rachel. She didn't want anyone to know, especially now. It would be pointless since she could never have Rachel anyway.

"Stop trying to claw your way back into the closet over there." Puck knocked one of her elbows off her knee, making her head fall. He meant for it to make her laugh, but instead she glared at him annoyingly.

"I don't know what you're talking about." She denied through clenched teeth, looking back to the floor.

"I thought you might say that. Regardless, I'm still right about you doing the right thing. You did an amazing thing, actually. Finn will finish your plan, and _everyone _will go to the big city to be a big star just like _everyone_ always wanted. But, that doesn't mean that you have to lose _everyone_ forever. They'll be around. We all promised to come back on holidays and stuff. You aren't losing anyone for good."

"It won't be the same." Quinn almost whispered.

"No, I guess it won't. You did just pretty much make Finn a single man, though. And you have that metro pass from New Haven to New York I went with you to buy..."

"Which to everyone else we say?" She interrupted him.

"That Rachel actually bought for the two of you, not the other way around." He repeated the lie she had made him practice multiple times since the day she had been helping him study geography and he had ridden with her to get the passes. Quinn blanched at the sound of Rachel's name. Of course, she knew that was who they were talking about, but it made her uncomfortable to be said out right like that. Puck must have noticed how the name made her tense up even more because he quickly continued.

"I'm just saying, I know things will be different, but you could make them really different, like different in your favor. You could go into the city on weekends and breaks and stuff and now you'll both be single and I know that she..."

"Noah!"

"You never call me that."

"I know, but I really need you to shut the hell up."

"You could tr..." She interrupted him again, this time with a raised hand in his face as she shook her head and stood up.

"No."

"Why?"

"More reasons than you can ever understand." Quinn wiped at the tear streaks down her face, her tears finally calming for the most part. Puck's face, however, twisted into one of painful knowing.

"I bet I understand a lot more than you think." He met her eyes, but quickly looked away. Was that tears she saw forming in his eyes before something in the corner of the room became so interesting to him?

"How do you figure?"

"I know a little something about loving a girl that you can never have and that you'll never be good enough for." His eyes flashed back to her for only a second, then returned to the corner. Realizatiion swept through her. It was her he was referring to. The guilt and hurt she felt for him must have been obvious on her face. "Don't go beating yourself up or nothing like that. I'm just saying, I know what it feels like. I also know what it looks like when said girl doesn't love or want you back. And I know that in your particular situation, that isn't the case. You're... _person_..." He quickly corrected himself, almost saying girl to which he knew Quinn would have probably punched him. "Your feelings aren't one sided, that's all I'm trying to say." Quinn let out a loud sigh, standing up and grabbing her keys from where she had thrown them down in the middle of the floor. She walked towards the door, but stopped to look at him once more when her hand wrapped around the door knob.

"When you really love something, you set it free." She looked into his eyes to see a shared sadness there.

"Yes, you do." He mumbled as she walked through the door and closed it behind her. It was a lesson he knew himself all too well, and was reminded of once again as he let the girl he had loved for the last three years walk away for far from the first time, and long from the last.

**Author's Note: Obviously, I decided on the torture option and gave you guys a flashback. Haha. Sorry, sorry. I wanted to kind of give a better picture of where the guys' heads were at when they were a little younger. Also, I always pictured something like the Quinn/Finn scene going on bts in cannon and really wanted to put it here. **

**Next chapter will be the confrontation. I do believe the end is nigh, as much as I hate to let it go. **

**I'm so happy to have a reader from Argentina! I'm a small town girl in the US and that is just awesome to me that someone so far away is reading something I'm writing. Thank you so much for your review, and your English doesn't seem to be bad at all, so don't worry. **

**To all the positive reviews I got, thank you all so much. You guys all give me something to look forward to and the inspiration to keep going with the story. I'm glad that most of you like my version of Puck, and understand that it really is just my version of the character. My Puck really is a big sweetheart. I have no intention of writing a faberry wedding for this story, but if I did, it would be Puck walking Quinn down the aisle. **

**As far as Finn goes, I like his character, but I do think that he gets glorified more than he deserves. He didn't ever stand up for Rachel for a long time. He was really selfish, and usually only acted to his best interest. I think his character grew, though. In the third season, I felt like he really loved Rachel and did a lot better. Again, this is only my opinion. I hesitated to even state it because I'm sure someone will try to make it into some ridiculously immature argument, but for those of us who are adults and can talk as such... I always enjoy hearing other people's take on the characters and the show in general. **

**It's just easy to make Santana the bitch, you know? Haha. She's a loveable bitch, though, for me anyway. Santana had to kind of knock Rachel down a peg and let her know that she had gotten there first. I also think for Santana it was a little bit about the fact that Rachel would never have sex with her, but she did with Quinn after Quinn did with Santana. That's hard to explain. Ha. Like it stung Santana that Rachel wouldn't sleep with her so she had to tell her that even though it was Quinn she finally did have sex with, Santana was still the one that taught Quinn everything she knew to do with Rachel. Like in some distant, twisted way it was still Santana bringing Rachel pleasure so the rejection wasn't as bad. I don't know if that made any sense, but that's how I look at it anyway. Sorry I suck at explaining things lol.**

**Now for all this negative bs that has no place here. I honestly do not know how some of you can call yourself glee fans, and be as mean and bullying as you are. I feel like you must have just completely missed the point of the entire show. Calling people names, wishing death on characters, being so close minded to anyone's opinions but your own, being rude and overall negative, all of it goes against everything that glee is. I don't know what purpose you think any of it serves, but I assure you there is none. Regardless of your opinion of Puck, or anything or anyone else in the show, that is the show. It isn't this story, and the things you say aren't true for this story or these characters. I've had to repeat that so many times that I question how and why you read fanfic at all if you are so rejecting of other people's ideas and opinions. I do not need you to read this story, and I certainly do not need your hate, nor do my other mature, peaceful readers. As for the guest that remains anonymous, for the most obvious of reasons I'm sure, that was rude to PinkDrinks: that is uncalled for and completely unnecessary, as was the earlier statement about all the hatred you harbor towards a fictional character. Don't be a bully, and lose the hate, at least here. I sincerely hope this is the last time I have to post something like this in my author's note. I would rather not turn guest reviews off for the sake of the other guests that post, but I will if I have to.**

**I have no idea why achele was referenced or Cory considering that no one and no where does this story mention either. And no one has mentioned death to people or characters besides you. These are your individual issues. Deal with them. This isn't the place. I know I said this before, but this is the last time I will continue this argument. I sincerely hope that you seek help, talk to someone, something. Be positive.**

**To everyone else, I'm sorry. Both that this is even in the author's note, and for the reviews that made it necessary. **

**As always I love and appreciate your reviews. You are all amazing. Remember to smile today. :) **

**Update soon!**


	22. Chapter 22

Quinn approached her front door with her purse in one hand and her phone in the other, checking again to see if Rachel might have text her. She slid her phone into her purse, disappointed, and started fishing around for her keys as she stopped in front of the door. After a moment, she stilled herself suddenly. What was that? Quinn took a step closer to the door, almost up against it now, to listen better. She could have sworn she had heard a woman's voice inside.

"Oh my God." She could distinctly hear Puck say through the door. "Oh my God." He repeated, louder this time.

"Ahhh." She heard the female voice groan again. What the hell? Puck had some girl in her apartement. Seriously? He couldn't have been in LA longer than a few hours at most, and he already picked up some skank and brought her home to Quinn's apartment? Puck would have to know he would be caught. He knew Quinn was on her way home.

"I can't even believe this." Puck said as she continued to listen, afraid of what she might walk in on. "Oh my God." He was fond of that phrase wasn't he? Quinn stuck her ear to the door, praying she wouldn't hear moaning. Maybe they were still clothed at least.

"I can't believe I let you talk me into this." Quinn froze. Her eyes bulged and she placed one cold, shaking hand up to the door for support. That wasn't just some random skank Puck had in there. She knew that voice. It was Rachel. She flew into motion, opening her purse with both hands to better search for her keys. After a few seconds, she had firm grasp on them and was unlocking the door. As she began to turn the knob, she hesitated for a moment, taking a deep breath to prepare herself for what she may be about to walk in on.

"What the fuck is going on?" She yelled out before she even had the door open fully. She hadn't planned to say anything at all, but it came out anyway. She stepped into the loft to see Puck sitting on the couch, one arm thrown across the back of it. She looked around the rest of what she could see of the apartment, searching for Rachel. She didn't see her. She did, however, see opened beer cans littering the kitchen island, as well as a mess that had been left behind from what looked like some pasta dish the boy had probably cooked. She looked back to the young man, who looked at her and then down to the other end of the couch. She saw a flash of brown hair and then Rachel was sitting up from the opposite end where he had glanced.

Upon seeing Quinn, the brunette jumped up and immeditely ran to her. Rachel threw her arms around Quinn's neck, burying her face in her shoulder. Quinn stood there, stock still, no idea what she had walked in on or what was going on now. After a moment, Rachel pulled away, moving her hands down to Quinn's hips and looking up at the blonde. Quinn shot a glance to Puck, who now seemed to be engrossed in whatever was on the tv in the other direction.

"Why aren't you hugging me back?" Rachel pouted up at her, getting her attention. "Are you still mad at me about the fight earlier? I overreacted. I know I did. I'm sorry for that. You can understand why I got upset, though, can't you? I went to the airport, but I couldn't go back to New York with things between us being like this." Rachel gestured to the distance between their bodies. "I calmed down, and I knew I had to come find you. Please don't be angry anymore. We've been apart for too long already." Quinn found herself smiling at the girl, especially because of how desperate her voice had sounded when she said they had been apart too long, and it hadn't even been a full twenty four hours. She heard Puck bite down on a chip, and it brought her back to reality.

"What were you doing? With Puck, when I came in?" She asked lowly, gesturing to the boy on the couch. Rachel cocked her head sideways at Quinn, confused.

"He talked me into watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I've never seen it, and you know how I get during horror films. Although, I did not know that Noah would be just as bad as me, if not worse. Anytime the slightest bit of suspense builds, his fingernails go into his mouth and he starts yelling 'oh my God'. He's been giving me a run for my money for the diva title in the room."

"Shut up, Berry. I'm not the one that almost peed my panties." Puck yelled back at them.

"But I didn't!" Rachel leaned around Quinn to yell back. She brought her focus back to the girl in front on her. When the blonde didn't return her smile, and still hadn't spoken, Rachel searched Quinn's eyes. She was doing her best to keep her own smile in place and stay optimistic, but it was really starting to feel like Quinn was rejecting her. She wasn't going to give up yet, though.

"I was laying on one end of the couch squeezing a pillow to my chest for dear life, with my legs in Noah's lap on the other end of the couch." Rachel looked deeply into Quinn's eyes, trying to determine her thoughts behind the unexpected question. "You aren't afraid something happened are you?" She leaned in closer to Quinn, lowering her voice. "Between Puck and I?" She made a face like this was the last thing in the world the blonde should be worried about. "That would never happen." Rachel looked down to take both Quinn's hands in her own. "There is only one person I will be in any kind of intimate situation with, and she is standing right in front of me." Rachel was now so close that Quinn could feel her hot breath against her own lips. Her eyes flickered over to Puck again. Rachel followed her gaze. It was one thing for Rachel to hug Quinn or hold her hands. It was another entirely for her to be this close to her, or to kiss her. She hadn't broken up with Puck yet. Though a large part of her was pretty sure the man knew about her feelings for Rachel, this wasn't the way she wanted to announce it to him. She looked back to Rachel, starting to open her mouth, but Rachel placed a single finger against her lips.

"He doesn't care." Rachel said, speaking a little louder.

"Get your girl, baby mama. Woo Woo." Puck cheered from the couch, but he still didn't look away from the tv, where she could see a man wielding a bloodied chainsaw. He just pumped his fist into the air encouragingly before grabbing the pillow Rachel had abandoned and clutching it to his chest. Quinn looked from Rachel to Puck, back to Rachel, and her face held such a dopey expression that Rachel hadn't thought possible of the girl previously. Rachel smiled up at her, and Quinn finally rose her arms to around the shorter girl's back, pulling her closer.

"So you aren't angry with me anymore?" Quinn asked, still trying to catch up.

"No, I am no longer upset with you, and I realize now that I shouldn't have gotten so angry with you to begin with. My emotions got the better of me. My jealousy did, but we both have our pasts. Regardless of what has happened in them, they have brought us here, now, to this very moment." She moved her hands from the taller girl's hips and began rubbing the arms around her softly. "We have a lot of talking to do, but I still want to do this, if you do, too." Rachel's voice held a questioning tone that let Quinn know she needed an answer. How could this beautiful brunette star staring up at her, self consciousness suddenly reflecting in those big brown orbs, not have already realized by now that there would never be any question for Quinn on whether or not she wanted her? She had wanted Rachel since they were fourteen years old. If there was anything in this world that she knew for sure, it was that she would never stop.

"I want you." She answered simply. Rachel threw her arms around Quinn's neck and pulled her down into a lingering kiss.

"Puck has already booked a flight back for later this evening." Rachel whispered against her lips when she ended the kiss. She pecked Quinn's lips. "You should still talk to him, I think." She pecked her lips again. "He and I discussed a lot, and I think you'll be surprised at how much he already knows and understands. No need to be nervous, dear." Quinn gratefully accepted another pop kiss from Rachel, but knew that no matter what words the girl attempted to console her with, the upcoming conversation would always make her nervous. "But he will be gone in a few hours, and I will finally, really have you all to myself." She kissed Quinn again, more passionately this time. When the kiss ended, Quinn pulled Rachel into her arms, hugging her tightly.

"You've always had me all to yourself." She whispered amidst soft brown locks into her ear.

The smaller girl pulled away, smiling, only to take Quinn's hand in her own and lead them to the couch, next to Puck. She took the seat on the opposite end from him, where her head had been resting before, sticking Quinn in the middle next to the boy. Rachel kept a firm hold on her hand, encouraging her. The brunette sat staring at the other two, waiting for the conversation they all knew was coming to start. Quinn looked at her lap. She chanced a glance over at Puck, who was still watching the massacre on screen. Obviously he knew about she and Rachel. So where did she start now?

"I can practically hear you getting your panties all in a wod from here, Quinn." Puck broke the silence after a moment. "You think you could give us a minute, Rach?" Rachel squeezed Quinn's hand, and placed a kiss to her pale cheek. "I'll just be in the bedroom." She whispered, letting go of her hand, and walking into the bedroom. Quinn watched her until she was out of sight, and grinned when she saw that Rachel left the door open.

She turned her attention back to her lap, taking a few deep, calming breaths, and trying to collect her thoughts. She scooted over to the seat Rachel had vacated, turnng sideways to face the boy who watched her curiously, and crossing her legs indian style in front of her. As she straightened her back and lay her palms against her calves, Puck arched his eyebrow at her and released a soft laugh. Quinn widened her eyes, blushing a little.

"Why the hell are you laughing at me right now?" She spit out, a little angry about being made to feel like a joke during such a serious time.

"Because you're freaking out over there, Fabray. It's okay. Calm down. I'm not pissed. I'm not gonna get pissed. My heart isn't broken. We're good. Just say what you need to say." Puck gave her an encouraging smile and reached out to shove her knee playfully. She relaxed a little after that, dropping her shoulders, and meeting the man's eyes for a brief second before dropping hers back to her lap.

"I can't marry you."

"Really? Because I kind of thought you and Rachel could do your thing and I could keep doing mine, but we would still get hitched." Quinn looked up at him quickly, shocked, about to tell him what a completely crazy idea that was, but then he grinned at her teasingly, and she knew he was still just trying to lighten the mood. "Quinn, I've known what I am to you for a long time. When we got back together a few years ago, at first, I thought maybe things were different, but it didn't take me very much time to know that they weren't. I stuck around because I knew that you felt like you needed me to. Now you don't anymore, and that's fine."

"I just feel so bad for doing this to you, putting you through all this... using you." Quinn picked at the frayed bottom of her jeans nervously. She was thankful he was making this conversation she had dreaded for so long so much easier, but that didn't really help with all the guilt she felt.

"Why? We've had a lot of fun together, haven't we?

"Yes, but..."

"But nothing. Was there a time when I was bummed out cause you'd never love me back? Sure, but that time has already come and gone. I accepted it. I moved on."

"You could have spent all this time with someone else, though. Someone that could really love you like you love them. I know you sleep around, but I wasted all that time for you."

"You weren't wasting any of my time. If I had found someone to be serious with, I would have been. I would have done something about you and I. I did." It was Puck's turn to break eye contact now, turning back to the television.

"What do you mean?"

"Why do you think I asked you to marry me?" He answered with his own question, looking back at her. "I never actually expected you to say yes." Quinn thought about that confession. It made sense, after everything else he had told her. Why would he ask her to marry him when he knew she was in love with Rachel?

"So you met someone?"

"I did. It isn't really serious right now, but I think it could be. Puckzilla might've finally found a reason to tame the beast." He laughed.

"I'm really happy for you, Puck." She smiled back at him. It made her feel a lot better knowing that he had someone. He wouldn't be alone.

"I'm happy for you, too. And really proud, ya know. I can't imagine how hard all this has been for you, but you did it. You faced it, and you got your girl. If that isn't a happy ending, I don't know what is."

"I don't think any of it has really hit me yet, to be honest. I still feel like the rug is going to get pulled out from under me at any given moment." She lowered her voice and got a distant look in her eyes, thinking over the past week and a half, and everything that happened with her and Rachel. "I've been so happy, though, Puck." She released with a deep breath, like a heavy secret. "Happier than I have ever been, or thought I could be. I never thought I would actually get a chance with her, even after I told her the truth. I... I think she loves me back. There are so many issues between us, though, and things keeping us apart, like the whole United States distance wise, and that's if she even decides to keep whatever is happening between us going after she has to go back to New York. We agreed not to make any decisions until her vacation is over. I've been more myself and happier in the last week and a half than I have in my entire life, but more than that I am earth shatteringly scared." She rushed her insecurites off her chest. Puck was pretty sure she had said most of that in one breath. He reached over, taking one of her small hands into his much larger one.

"You actually have something to lose now, other than just your reputation. It's scary. That girl loves you, though. You two ending up together was inevitable, and I highly doubt that girl is going to let go of you now that she can actually finally have you. We didn't talk about it much, just a couple of times, but Finn told me he knew that if you ever got the courage to ask Rachel to be with you, she would have left him in a heartbeat. He knew if he got to share a life with Rachel, that it would only be because she couldn't have you. Being afraid is normal, but in this situation, unnecessary." Puck took back his hand as Quinn looked up at him.

"You don't get enough credit, you know that?" This made Puck laugh.

"I think you're probably giving me too much."

"No. You've been a great friend to me, better than I could have ever even thought to ask for." She reached out to take his hand this time, trying to convey how sincere she was.

"Let me give you a piece of greatest bro ever advice then." He gave her hand a quick squeeze before releasing it, grinning at her. "Do whatever you have to do to be the happiest you can be. Fight for her, and don't let her go. You did good, mama, taking care of her from a distance like you have been for so long. Take care of her from up close now." He poked her knee. "And let yourself be happy doing it." Quinn leaned forward to hug him tightly.

"Thank you." She said once she was sitting upright again.

"I thought this would be a good time for me to make my return." Rachel suddenly said from behind them, making Quinn jump a little and Puck turn his head quickly.

"You were listening to everything we said, weren't you?" Quinn laughed once she regained her composure.

"Would you honestly expect any less?" Rachel answered bluntly, throwing her arms around Quinn's neck from behind and kissing the top of the blonde's head. Quinn ran her hands up along Rachel's arms, smiling hugely at the embrace.

"As much as I would love to stick around for this lovefest, I should go. My flight leaves in a couple hours and we all know how traffic can be in this city." Puck spoke, standing. The girls seperated to give him their goodbye hugs, and walked him to the door. "Take care of one another." He told them as he left.

"Take care of yourself." Quinn returned.

"I'll do my best, Moma. I'll have some help looking out for myself, too. I'll see you next month for Beth's birthday. Rachel, I'm sure I'll be seeing you before too long." He gave them one last smile, before turning and walking away down the hallway.

Rachel took Quinn's hand and led her back to the couch. She lay down on her side without a word, pulling Quinn down to lay on her back next to the smaller girl.

"While I know that we have a plethora of things to discuss, unless you hold any serious opposition, I would really love to postpone our necessary impending dialogue, and nap." Rachel spoke through a yawn as she took up her usual postion with her head on Quinn's chest and their legs tangled together. The brunette's head bounced lightly as the girl beneath her laughed heartily at her words. "It isn't funny." She complained. "I couldn't sleep without you. I never even tried to sleep. I just wanted to get back to you. Now we're here, and I know that we still have so much to get through, but it's okay right now. We're okay, and we're together. The fact that I haven't slept for almost thirty two hours is really hitting me now that I'm not petrified of losing you, or as petrified, anyway." Quinn continued to laugh at the girl. She knew Rachel got chatty when she was tired, but this was definitely the most extensive case she had ever seen. After a moment, her laughter turned into a just a smile, and she squeezed the shorter girl closer.

"You could never lose me." She lay her lips against brown locks tenderly.

"Mmm." Rachel moaned sleepily at the kiss to the top of her head. "Me either, baby." Quinn's smile widened as she closed her own eyes, knowing that the girl in her arms would be asleep within a couple of minutes. She had no idea where things were going, what would happen after the few short days they had left until the end of their two weeks together, but, for now at least, she had Rachel. She was more determined than ever to keep it that way.

**Author's Note: I am fighting sleep hard right now. So I apologize for any and all mistakes, and the shortness. I originally planned to extend this chapter through the girl's "talk", but if I did it would end up being suupper long, and it would have taken me a couple more days to finish it and update. I wanted to get this out to you guys because I know I've made you guys wait. I hope you enjoy it.**

**I'll respond to reviews next chapter. Like I said, my eyelids are betraying me right now I am so tired. They're so heavy! Haha. **

**I do want to say, though, I am truly amazed at all the different places people are reading this from. As I said in the author's note in the first chapter, this is my first fic, and though I, of course, know people all over the world have access to it, it just blows my mind that people from Argentina, Finland, Brazil are reading it. It may seem naïve or something that I am so astounded, but I love knowing that it can go so far. **

**Because I always try to end with something positive: It's 4am for me, but wherever you are, whatever time it is, I hope you're having a fantastic day. If you're at the end of a long day, like me, then I hope all your dreams are good ones and you have the greatest of tomorrows. :) Update soon. **


	23. Chapter 23

**Author's Note: I changed the rating of this fic to M as I was writing this chapter. To me, it pretty much knocks that T rating I had it labeled as before out of the water. So if any of you were reading for that rating, I apologize. **

As usual, Rachel was the first to wake up. She felt the warmth of the body next to her, strong arms around her, the long legs tangled with her own, and a smie formed on her face as she tightened her arm around Quinn's torso. She opened her eyes slowly, waiting for the light that had been shining through the living room windows earlier to burn her eyes as they adjusted. There was no burn, however, and no light. They must have been asleep longer than she thought. She wasn't surprised. She had been exhausted from not sleeping, and she was sure Quinn had felt simularly after their fight and short seperation.

The only light in the room now came from behind them, from the kitchen, and it glowed very faintly into the living room. Rachel rose her head very slowly, carefully, to look at the girl lying beneath her without waking her. Blonde hair was sprawled across the pillow beneath her head. Quinn's chest rose as she took even breaths through her open mouth. She had never pictured the girl as a mouth breather or snorer before she had slept with her, but now Rachel found both things completley adorable. She took one finger and traced it along the sleeping girl's jaw line. She released a sigh at how gorgeous the blonde was.

Mere hours ago, sitting in that airport clutching to tear dampened, crinkled papers, she would have given anything to be in exactly this position, never knowing if she would get the chance again. She watched down on Quinn lovingly as she slept, tracing her finger along the lines of her jaw and cheeks softly, and thought about all the words of her letter. She felt her eyes well up as she considered the beautiful gift she had been given with those pages. Her heart swelled. She felt more loved than she ever had before. More than with Finn, with an audience of hundreds on their feet for her, with a crowded street full of people screaming for her autograph, she had never felt so completely accepted and unconditionally loved, than with this amazing woman clinging to her desperately even in sleep.

Rachel leaned down and kissed Quinn's pale cheek. She could no longer help herself. The blonde didn't stir. Rachel grinned, an idea coming to her. Quinn had done so much to show her how much she cared about her. She might as well start catching up and wake the girl showing her own love. She used her thumb and forefinger at Quinn's chin to tilt the girl's head slightly to the right, better exposing her slender neck. Rachel kissed first at the base of the still sleeping girl's jaw. Then just below her ear.

"Quinn?" She whispered huskily into her ear, before peppering lingering, wet kisses down her neck.

"Mmm." Quinn moaned out in response, leaning into the lips now nipping lightly at her collar bone. Rachel didn't remove her lips, but looked up to see eyes still closed. She shifted herself, pulling her legs free to move one thigh up between long pale legs and applying gentle pressure as she began to suck at Quinn's pulse point. The hips beneath her reflexively arched up into the motion of her thigh. She sunk her teeth lightly into flesh, and glanced up to see hazel eyes flash open as her hips jerked forward again.

"Rachel?" Quinn breathed out in a disoriented moan, digging the nails of her hand that had been resting at the smaller girl's back into the skin there through her shirt. The aforementioned girl kissed the spot where she had just left a prominent hickey, and rose up to look at the waking girl, neither stilling the movements of their thigh and hips. Brown orbs stared down into hazel irises for a few seconds. Questioning eyes from below met ones screaming proudly with love from above. One corner of Rachel's mouth curved upward confidently as she applied just a little more pressure with her thigh as eager hips met her again, and she felt the nails on her back dig in sharper. "Rachel." She heard again. There was no question in the way her name was said this time. There was only pleading, as Quinn moved her other hand to tangle into brown locks and pull Rachel's lips to her own. Their lips moved together hurriedly, both of them already sufficiently turned on. Long fingers tangled harder into brown hair as the brunette felt her bottom lip sucked between the other girl's. She seperated from their kiss, leaning her forehead against Quinn's, and panting heavily.

"I missed you so much." She whispered, fighting to catch her breath and opening her eyes to look down into hazel. Quinn detangled her fingers and moved her hand to cup Rachel's cheek, rubbing her thumb there.

"I know the feeling." She whispered back, leaning up to capture Rachel's lips again. Rachel kissed her back, but pulled away again when she tried to deepen the kiss. "What's wrong?" She asked self consciously. Rachel had woken her up to an already uncomfortable dampness in her panties, yet now the pressure between her legs was gone, and her repeated attempts to further thier kiss with her tongue had been rejected.

Rachel smiled down at her upon hearing the question. She tilted her head and lowered her mouth to the blonde's ear.

"Come with me..." Quinn felt her body shudder at the words and from the hot breath against her ear. "Into the bedroom." She bit down gently on her earlobe. "I want to make love to my lady properly." She pecked her cheek quickly, and rose up to straddle Quinn, before crossing over her and standing up next to the couch. She held out a hand as Quinn stood, which the girl took, letting Rachel lead her to her own bedroom.

Once inside, Rachel stopped them just to the side of the bed. She released Quinn's hand, and trailed her fingers up the blonde's arm, then up the side of her neck, before placing her hand to the back of her neck, and standing on her tiptoes to once again capture the taller girl's lips. Quinn's hands went immediately to Rachel's lower back, pulling her closer. This time it was Rachel that moved her tongue against the other girl's bottom lip, asking for access, which was eagerly granted.

The kiss quickly recovered its earlier passion. Rachel moved both hands under Quinn's shirt, running them up her back, and unclasping her bra. She pulled herself from the kiss only long enough to slide the blonde's shirt over her head. She brought their lips back together and pushed the straps of the bra off of pale shoulders, moving her hands up to cup both exposed breasts.

Quinn moaned into the kiss as she felt her nipples harden against soft hands. She moved her hands around to the front of Rachel's skirt, fumbling momentarily with the clasp, before pushing the intrusive garment down, where it fell at their feet. She ran her hand up along a tanned, toned thigh, but before she could reach her destination, there was a hand on her wrist, stopping her.

"Not yet." Rachel looked up into her eyes. "Right now, this is about you. I want to make you feel how I feel, how you make me feel." She used her grip on Quinn's wrist to move the girl's hand up to her heart, which was beating very quickly through her chest. "We can worry about me later, but right now, please just let me show you how much..." Rachel trailed off, still not sure if it was okay to say those three words. She knew that Quinn had made a lot of progress with her feelings. That much was obvious, but she didn't want to risk overwhelming the girl by saying too much. Instead, she removed the hand from her chest, and used it to pull them up onto the bed, where Quinn lay on her back.

Rachel looked down at the girl, losing herself in the beauty there once again. She was naked from the waist up, but her tight jeans still covered her legs. Rachel ran a finger, teasing, under the edge of the jeans, eliciting a groan and a jerk of the hips.

"Rachel. Please." Quinn pleaded with her to remove the clothing. She grinned winningly to herself, already working the buttons. The pants were thrown as quickly as they were off, and she went to settle herself, but a hand to over her shirt stopped her. "This too." Quinn tugged at the shirt. "Please. I just... I need to feel you." She explained, a pink tint coming to her cheeks. Rachel understood perfectly, and allowed her to run her hands along her stomach as she pulled the shirt over her head. She wasn't wearing a bra, which only left the lacey black panties as the last barrier between their completely naked bodies. Quinn kissed along the tan skin of the girl above her's collar bone as she pushed the underwear down as far as she could, before Rachel finished and threw them in the same fashion as she had the pants.

This time, as she lay herself between Quinn's legs, she felt goosebumps cover every inch of her skin as it came into contact with her's. As soon as their bodies were flush together, one of the blonde's hands went to the small of Rachel's back, and the other cupped her cheek, pulling their lips together.

As the kiss became increasingly heated and their bodies began to move in tune with one another, Rachel felt her nerves coming to the forefront again. She and the former cheerleader had their experience with orgasms together, but her first real time with Quinn had been just a couple of days ago in San Francisco. Her body knew instinctively what to do when pressed against Quinn's. That was pretty much the extent of her knowledge of how to please a woman. Her hands had rarely snuck south of the waist, and when they had it had always been through a protective barrier of clothing. Needless to say, she had never been nearly as adventurous with her mouth.

Rachel changed her position, moving to the left, straddling one of Quinn's legs and resting one of her own between the blonde's. She felt her hand shaking as it traveled down firm abs. A moan broke free from Quinn's lips and her hips jerked forward as Rachel rubbed her inner thigh. Rachel took the oppratunity to catch her breath, moving her mouth to work at Quinn's neck. She mustered up all her bravery, and slipped her hand over Quinn's center. Upon feeling the warm pool of wetness there, she instantly felt her abdomen clench.

"Oh God, Rachel." Quinn huffed out, raising her hips again. Rachel wasted no more time, and pushed two fingers inside the already writhing girl beneath her. "Fuck!" She cried out in response, arching her back and clenching around two tan fingers. Rachel switched between pumping her fingers in and out, and working broad circles inside the blonde's walls. Her trail of kisses led her down Quinn's neck, to her chest, where she sucked a hard peak into her mouth roughly. Fingers tangled into her hair, pushing her forward.

Quinn moved her hips, keeping time with Rachel's thrusts and rhythm. She raised her thigh between the brunette's legs, only getting wetter herself when she felt the moisture that immediately accumulated on her thigh from the contact. Rachel might be determined to make this good for her, but she would be damned if she would just lie here and not try to give the diva any pleasure in return.

"Quinn..." She whined from the girl's chest. "Don't distract me."

"I don't know what you're talking about." She laughed, moving her hand down to Rachel's ass to push the girl deeper into her thigh as she thrust it upward against her clit.

"Oh my..." She called out. "Quinn, I can't." Rachel was repositioning herself between Quinn's legs again, removing her fingers slowly to do so. Quinn immediately missed the fullness. "If you start doing things like that to me, I will never do what it is I want to do. I'll just roll over on my back, and let you have your way with me." She placed a kiss to Quinn's ribs, and the blonde felt a chill snake down her spine.

"That sounds good to me." She answered seductively, trying to pull Rachel up to her by the hand.

"Not yet. Right now, it's about my way." She kissed down the sweet tasting skin of pale, toned abs, and Quinn realized finally what her intentions were. She placed her hand on Rachel's shoulder.

"Rach, are you sure?" She asked as brown orbs looked up at her. "You don't have to." Rachel loved that Quinn knew what a big deal this was for her. Oral sex wasn't something she had ever thought kindly on, or something she had ever agreed to share with her male partners. Quinn was different, entirely different. She pushed upself back up the blonde's body, capturing her lips in a passionate kiss.

"I want to." She answered when their mouths seperated, both of them breathing heavily again. She gave her one last peck to her lips, before once again leaving a trail of kisses down her body. She ran her tongue over Quinn's prominent hip bone, and her hands down her sides. She felt a hand suddenly cover each of hers, then their fingers on both hands were tightly interlocked together. This one small gesture made Rachel's heart swell with love, while at the same time made her abdomen clench painfully tighter. She was dying for a release of her own, but, as she kept reminding Quinn, it wasn't about herself right now.

She lay a kiss to Quinn's inner thigh, shamelessly teasing the girl, who had, it seemed, lost full control over the jerking of her hips.

"Baby..." Quinn groaned out, begging.

"You sound so sexy when you beg." Rachel continued to tease, running her tongue along the crease of her thigh.

"When I do..." Her breath caught and her hips bucked as she felt teeth bite lightly just above her clit. "Actually get to touch you, you'll be the one begging." She managed to get out. It was the last full sentence she was able to put together for some time afterward.

Quinn held true to her promise, taking her turn in making Rachel the writhing body beneath her. By the time they settled into their familiar positions of Quinn on her back and Rachel's head on her chest, their bodies were sore and the sun was beginning to shine in on their glowing, sweaty bodies through the bedroom window.

"I've never had anything like that before, with anyone else." Rachel said after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

"And you think I have?" Quinn laughed.

"No." She answered honestly. "I'm just clarifying for you that I haven't either." She propped herself up with her elbow to look up at the girl. "I have never had anything like this with anyone else." She gestured between them. "Like us, and I don't just mean the sex, everything. What you and I have, no one could ever compare to that. I've never felt a stronger connection and bond with anyone."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I know you doubt it. I know you doubt that you're the one that I really want, and that a part of you thinks I'm only with you because Finn isn't here." Quinn broke their eye contact, but Rachel raised her hand to the blonde's chin to force her to meet her eyes again. "_You_ are, and have always been, my first choice, Quinn. I will never stop trying to show you that." A tear escaped and made it's way down Quinn's cheek. Rachel rose her lips, stopping the tear in its tracks.

"You read the letter?" Quinn all but whispered.

"I did, and Noah might have told me a couple stories while we were waiting for you to get home, too." Quinn rolled her watery eyes. Of course he did.

She felt her nerves overtaking her knowing for sure now that Rachel had read the letter while they had been seperated. If she had read the letter, then she knew for sure that Quinn loved her. There had been insinuation and a couple close calls on the matter during their last week and a half together, but neither of them had outright said it. Quinn did in that letter, several times. She wasn't quite sure what to say.

"I want to tell you two things, and I want you to really listen to what I say, okay? I mean every word. It's nothing but the truth. I need you to hear me, and believe me. Trust me. Can you do that?" Quinn gulped, and knodded her head. "No, I need you to say it. Promise me."

"I trust you. I'll listen. I promise." Quinn dug her nails into the sheet on the bed, nervous. The other girl must have noticed, because she reached out and took her hand, locking their fingers together, before meeting her eyes once more.

"First, it's true that sometimes when you really love someone, you have to let them go... but it's also true that, when those two people are truly meant to be together, they will find their way back to one another." Quinn thought back to when 'if you really love someone, let them go' had been her mantra. Rachel was right. They had been brought back together, both of them deciding to reach out to the other just a few weeks ago, leading them here.

"Second." Rachel pulled her from her thoughts. The brunette cupped her cheek, and looked into her eyes with more sincerity than she had ever seen reflecting in those big brown orbs previously. "The second thing I have to say to you is..." Quinn squeezed Rachel's other hand that she still held encouragingly. This was it. If Rachel said it, all of this between them became a whole lot more real. "I love you, Quinn. You're the only person I have ever really loved." A mili-second hadn't even passed before Quinn had leaned up, hand to the back of Rachel's neck, pulling their lips together.

Quinn kissed her fervently, Rachel accepting her tongue when she swiped it across her bottom lip. She felt like a huge weight had been removed from her shoulders with her confession. Back in San Francisco, after their first real time together, she had tried to tell Quinn that she loved her, but couldn't make the words leave her mouth. She had been pretty sure that her feelings were returned, but couldn't be positive, and her insecurities had held her back. After reading the letter, though, there was no more doubt. No doubt that Quinn loved her back. No doubt that she had finally accepted her feelings. No doubt that Rachel wanted to be with her, though there was little doubt there to begin with, more like self preservation, trying to protect her own heart as she had done with the girl since they were fifteen. For the first time, that didn't feel necessary anymore.

For a very long time, whenever they would share a kiss, she would always let her eyes remain open. She knew every vein of the blonde's eye lids intricately, every freckle of her face. She had long ago memorized the motions of the taller girl's mouth as she kissed her, the movements of her prominent jaw line. As things had begun to feel more real between them and the kisses became more frequent, Rachel had allowed herself to close her eyes. Not because she wanted to picture someone else, which had usually been the reason when she shared kisses with guys, but because, with Quinn, she could get completely lost while they moved their lips together, lost in the other girl's tongue, arms, and all the feelings they brought along with them, their sense of safety. It was easier now than ever, so many of their long caged feelings now out in the open.

Rachel smiled into the kiss, letting her hands wonder, as she continued to move her lips with the girl's beneath her. They were still naked, their bodies still tangled together, and though her body was exhausted from the hours they had already spent showing their love for one another, she could feel a new dampness settling between her legs. She stopped one roaming hand to knead the small, pale breast that wasn't covered by her own chest where she lay half on top of the blonde's other side. As she used her thumb to rub the erect, stiff peak of the other girl's chest, they both let out a moan, making Rachel's stomach flip and only adding to her quickly rebuilding arousal.

She suddenly felt a very different, unexpected moisture on her face. Her eyes flashed open just as another tear fell from Quinn's eyelashes and pooled against their touching cheeks. Rachel was smiling like a fool, losing herself in her body's urges and in her own happiness. She hadn't even realized Quinn was crying. She pulled away, ending their kiss, and moving her hand from the blonde's chest to her cheek, using her thumb to rub away the tears silently streaking down her face. Quinn allowed her to do so, watching her but not saying anything as her tears continued to fall.

"What's wrong? Why are you crying?" Rachel asked nervously.

"Nothing's wrong, for once." She answered, using her hand around the smaller girl's back to pull her closer. "I'm just really happy." As she smiled up at her, Rachel felt her own smile returning.

"So these are happy tears?"

"Absolutely." She leaned up and kissed her lips softly, taking the hand from her cheek and interlocking their fingers. "I love you." It was the first time she had said it out loud to Rachel. She was surprised at how easy it was to say now. She watched as the words reflected back at her in the brunette's eyes and smile.

"I love you." Rachel answered back. Quinn took her lips again, kissing her softly, fluidly. There was no rush to this kiss, no hurriedly wondering hands. There was only love, pulling one another impossibly closer, sweetness.

After a couple minutes, the kiss ended, and they got comfortable again, head on chest, cheek against brown roots. Both girls closed their eyes, smiling, the soreness in their bodies a happy reminder. Rachel knew she should be more tired, after all the exertion, and being up all night, but she felt wide awake.

"Quinn?" She called out as she traced the lines of the girl's abs.

"Hmm?"

"Are you going to sleep?"

"By the tone of your voice, I'm guessing no?" She laughed as Rachel propped herself up on one elbow to stare down at her.

"Are you tired?" Rachel continued without giving her time to answer. "If you are, you should sleep. I have no objections with holding you while you rest. Though, the whole "watching you while you sleep" thing may seem a bit creepy, you are stunning in the simpliest of ways when you're sprawled out with your mouth hanging open, snoring." She grinned down teasingly.

"I do not snore." Quinn poked her shoulder playfully.

"You do, and it's adorable."

"We'll see how adorable you still think it is in ten years when you just want a good nights sleep." Quinn's laugh faltered when she realized what she had said. Ten years was a long time. They still hadn't talked about what would happen in three days when Rachel's vacation ended and she had to go back to New York. Insinuating that they would still be together ten years from now, she wasn't sure how that would be handled by the other girl. Even though, for herself, the idea was more than welcomed. If she had her way, she would never be apart from the tiny diva again.

Rachel watched realization, quickly followed by uncertainity and worry, play across the girl beneath her's face. She didn't want to make the feelings of the woman she cared for so much into a joke, but she couldn't help the short giggle that escaped her lips. She leaned down to place a lingering pop kiss to the worrisome girl, before rising back up to beam down at her affectionately.

"I will find your snoring, and you, every bit as loveable as I do here and now." She gave the tip of the blonde's nose a quick tap. Quinn smiled from ear to ear back up at her. It wasn't much of a plan or a promise for their future, but for right now, in this moment, it was enough.

"It's not like you don't keep me from sleeping plenty yourself." She teased, remembering what had brought them to the topic. "I'd rather not go for any long walks, but I'm really not that tired, baby. What do you want to do?" Before Rachel could answer, her stomach did for her, making both girls laugh. "Breakfast?" Quinn suggested.

"Yes, please. I'm pretty sure Puck and I cleaned out most of your kitchen when we made dinner last night, though. The mess of which, by the way, I will clean up later, after we have breakfast. So don't even think about trying to clean it up yourself. It's my mess and I will take care care of it." Quinn shook her head. How did this girl know her so well?

"We can go out for breakfast. Being out in the sun would be nice anyway. Maybe go somewhere with a patio or something so we can eat outside?"

"Sounds perfect. But you have to let me buy. I insist on buying my lady breakfast after a night of love making." Quinn started laughing first, quickly followed by Rachel.

"You are so cheesy." That was the second time Rachel had called her _her_ lady. Both times it made Quinn's heart beat a little faster and her stomach flip.

"You love it."

"I love you." Rachel kissed her chastely, and stood from the bed.

"I love you, baby. Now get up so I can go show you off to the world." Rachel beamed down at her, holding out her hand, which Quinn eagerly took. She would always take Rachel's hand. She would follow her anywhere. If the girl were to ask, she would probably even follow her to New York, permanently.

**I didn't get a lot of reviews on the confrontation chapter, which surprised me a little bit. I know there was a lot of buildup around that chapter, and I was a little afraid that it wouldn't meet expectations. **

**I have two options right now for this fic. I can end it fairly soon, within the next ten chapters, or I can continue it. I have had a lengthened story line worked out for a while now, and have done some foreshadowing and setting up for the story line in case I decide to pursue it. I would love to know your opinions and if you guys would be interested in continuing to follow this faberry's story. **

**Thank you for all the positive reviews and kind words. **

**To the guest who gave the constructive criticism about my paragraphs, thank you. Paragraph and sentence control are both things I struggle with. I have a bad habit of rambling on when I should be using periods and starting new paragraphs. **

**I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Back when I published the short love scene in San Francisco, a lot of you said you wanted more detail. You definitely get that here. This is really the first real love scene I've written for viewing, outside of rps, so it was a bit nerve wracking for me to write. Let me know what you thought. **

**Thanks again, and I look forward to hearing from all of you. **

**Have a lovely day. Remember to smile often. **


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